| Last time on Adventures In Space, the crew of the starship Flybyair was forced to evacuate to the Rentacar because some Blargon ships were attacking them. What will happen now that captain Stumpy�s incredibly huge ego conflicts with the already enlarged egos of the Rentacar crew? Find out� Ben: Sir, all of the Flybyair�s personnel has been evacuated to the Rentacar. Jer: Shields up! Commence preparatory firing procedures! Al: Aww man�why can�t we just start shooting right away? ***Captain Stumpy enters the bridge along with his crew*** Stumpy: Jeremy, I must urge you to skip the preparatory firing procedures! Jer: Excuse me, Stumps, but this is my space ship. *ahem* Alex, continue the firing procedures. ***10 minutes and a lot of damage later*** Al: Preparatory firing procedures prepared, sir. Jer: Very well. Anita, commence maneuvering pattern�umm�should we use pattern 1 or pattern 2? Anita: Personally, I like 2 better. Jer: How about you, Mat, you like 1 or 2 better? Mat: Well, 2 goes faster than 1, but in 1 we get to spin around a lot, and you all know how much I like spinning. Brit: Can we just go already?? Dan (on the intercom): Captain, she�s breaking up, sir. I don�t think I can hold it together! Jer: All right then Dan, commence repairing procedures. Stumpy: Argh! Ensign Alex, fire at will! Ben: No need to, the Blargons have left. I guess they got bored. Shorty: And our ship? Ben: All blown up. Yippee! Al: At least we get to see some explosions� Jer: Well Stumpy, I guess we can drop you off at the nearest star base. Anita, where is the nearest star base? Anita: Star base 6431643,92984-958(v)/i399fnk is two weeks away. Mat: Heehee�man has stinky shoe� Ben: He means you, commander McShort. Shorty: I be me own source of smell, thank ye. Al: What the hell is that suppose to mean? Shorty: Alas�I don�t know me self� Jer: All right, as long as we�re all here, let�s make the best of it. Anita, set course for the star base and engage at maximum superhyperduperspaceflight. Alex, assign quarters for all of our guests. ***3 hours later, in the hospital room*** Jen: And who might you be? Gen: Oh, my name is Genevieve. I�m the doctor from the Flybyair. I�m also prettier than you. Jen: I think not, grasshopper. Gen: Grasshopper? Look, hun, you�re putting the duct tape on wrong, why don�t you let me do this? ***Gen grabs the duct tape and takes over for Jen*** ***In engineering*** Dan:�and that way the co-axulating resonator is fitted for lower than light travel as well. Danny: But what of the gragonial chamber? How have you resolved the problem of the fixed pulpating reaction? Dan: You could take the- Danny: -no, that would take too much time. It�s a simple matter of�there we go, problem solved. Dan: You know, just because you have 4 arms and your ship blew up doesn�t make you better than me. Danny: Sure it does. Step aside for a moment, I�ll have this engine running like the Flybyair�s in a nanosecond. ***On the bridge, tactical station*** Al: No way, man! It�s the thrill, I�m telling you! Phil: But what about ammunition? You�ll run out! Al: Forget that! Just shoot! Shoooooot! Phil: This is a mess�you�ve got coffee stains all over your consoles! Al: Shooooooooot! Just shoooooot man! Shoooooot! Phil: Move aside, I�m relieving you on grounds of insanity. Al: Shoooooooooot! Shooooot! Why aren�t you shoooooting!?! ***On the bridge, operations station*** Ben: The captain says to push buttons, so I push buttons. Got a problem? Bob: As a matter of fact, it might be better if you enhanced the resolution of your sensors to match those at tactical. Ben: *mocking* resolution of your sensors�blablabla�I�ll give you a sensor resolution, a resolution up your ass! Bob: That still wouldn�t fix the problem of this here�wait�there�s something jamming this button�help me�get this�out�what?? A doughnut?? Ben: *shifty eyes* That�s not mine�it�s�the�oupa-loumpa�s� Bob: Whatever. I�m taking over here. Ben: *fiew* ***On the bridge, helm station*** Anita:�and then he said �Ben has crappy buttons!� and that�s how I almost killed us all. Tammy: Is it actually possible to channel that much stupidity onto one starship? Anita: Oh yeah, we�ve proved that time and again. Tammy: Hey, I heard they were serving processed cheese in the cafeteria! Anita: Hot dog! ***Anita leaves and Tammy takes the helm*** ***In Brittany�s counsellor office*** Brit: There�s your problem, crewman #01. You don�t stick out enough! Take your place! Be one with the crew and ship! Crewman #01: You know, your right! From this day forward, no more shadows! No more inconsiderate behaviour! I�m a new man! I will take my place! Thank you, counsellor! ***Crewman #01 gets up to leave and slips on a banana peel. He falls on a button that opens the view port and ejects him into space*** Brit: Lord knows I try� Mel: And that�s why you need a break. It�s okay, I�ll take over while your gone. I�m a professional. This was actually my job on the Flybyair. I also have 73 degrees in psychology. Brit: Are you sure? There are a lot of- Mel: -trust me, go on, go have something to eat. *smiles* Brit: Ok�if your sure�*leaves* Mel: Hehe�sucker�I only have 71 degrees in psychology. ***In the cafeteria*** Shorty: I respect ye, little one. I know it�s not easy being small. Mat: But it is easy! Whenever I�m hungry, shoes are directly at my convenience! All the time, too! Shorty: Oooh, so that�s how it be, then, eh? Well ye�re not better than I, �ol Shorty McShort! Mat: You�re old? You don�t even have facial hair! I�m confused� Shorty: Laugh it up, clown! I be takin� yer job before the snake bites yer ass! Mat: AH! Snakes?!?!? Where????? AAAH! (incomprehensible Schnubb language) ***On some useless deck in some useless part of the ship*** Crewman #20: Hey�that crewman is carrying the same useless gigantic screwdriver as I am! Crewman #23: And that one is turning the same knobs as me on the opposite panel! What�s going on here? Hey, crewman! What�s your number? Other crewman: I�m crewman #23, and this is my buddy, #20. Who are you? Crewman #20: Now there�s no way for us to die! We�re doomed! Doooooomed! ***In Jeremy�s ready room*** Jer: Ok Stumps, this has gone too far. Your taking over my ship! Stumpy: It�s better this way, Jeremy. Trust me, I�m helping the ship, not destroying it. Now, what�s the secret pass code for the ship�s computer? Jer: Oh it�s guacamole�*giggle*. But what do you need that for? Stumpy: Because now my plan can go ahead as anticipated! Haha, you and your crew will be dropped off on an uncharted alien planet all alone! I will take your ship and sail the universe causing chaos and disarray! Jer: No, seriously, what do you need it for? ***20 minutes later, on an uncharted alien plane*** Al: So, what did he need the pass code for? Jer: I dunno, maybe he was hungry� Brit: Ya really blew it this time, eh Jer? Jen: And now there isn�t even any toilet paper! Anita: And not even a single drop of water! Ben: In all fairness, you were the ones who fell for Stumpy�s charm and charisma. Brit: Hssssss�. Mat: *whispering* I think she�s coming on to you� Oh, chaos and disarray! What will captain Jeremy of the starship Rentacar do? Will he find a way off the planet and get his ship back? Or will he catch some Y-rays in the sun of the uncharted alien planet? Find out next time on Adventures In Space!!! |
| Episode 16: Chaos and disarray |
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