| Episode 14: Chairs for all |
| The joyous crew of the grandiose starship Rentacar is passively chilling on the soothing bridge while the starship floats in the vastness of space with ease. Jen: Woohoo! Today's newspaper is in! Jer: Where are these newspapers coming from!!?!??!?! Brit: Hey guys, let's read our horoscopes! Dan: The probabilities of truth in the horoscope's precision are a mere symbolistic reflection of a credulous society. But hey, it's the best shot we've got at predicting the future! Jen: Brittany. Aquarius. You will die a slow and painful death boiling over something very hot. Brit: Nah, I don't believe in that sort of thing. Jen: Alright, crewman #98. Aries. You will die a slow, mysterious and excruciating death. ***Mysteriously, crewman #98 dies a slow and excruciating death*** Brit: Holy crow! Aaaaaah! *runs away* Jen: Alex, Jeremy. Scorpio. Today, you will not die a horrible excruciating death, but instead, you will live to be 500 years old. Al: Woohoo! Jer: Tell me something I don't know... Jen: Mat. Virgo. Today, you will lose your virginity... Mat: Marvelous! This is the best day of my life! Jen:...while dying a horrible and excruciating death. Mat: Aww...now I don't know wether to be happy or sad! *acts happy and sad* Jen: The rest: You will just die in a normal way. The rest: AAH! Jer: Ok, ok, calm down, calm down. Anita: Calm down?! Easy for you to say! Your not going to die a horrible excruciating death! Al: Actually, Anita, I think your just going to die a normal death. Anita: Shut up! Aaah! ***The ship is in chaos except for Alex and Jeremy and Mat (who is still struggling with sadness and happiness)*** ***4 hours later*** Jer: Something's wrong. Al: I agree. ***4 hours later*** Al: Captain, I think something's wrong. Jer: Judging by the level of looting, I agree. ***Jeremy's chair is set on fire*** Jer: No! That's where I put my ass! You can't burn that! Alright!! That's it! Alex, get me that damn newspaper! Al: Here you go. Jer: Look here, at the bottom of the page! "All of this will happen unless you drink so much cat food that your breathe starts smelling like cat food and all you can think about is cat food with that cat food smell coming out of your cat food filled mouth. OR, you can contact us at Holo-Newspaper Inc. 485 Pluto lane, Pluto." ***Staff meeting in the conference lounge, anonymous crewmen looting in background*** Jer:...and that's the situation. Jen *with cat food in a spoon*: Yeah, I know. Jer: What?? Why didn't you tell me 8 hours ago??!? Jen: Sorry, too busy looting. Ben: So are we going to do anything? Jer: Nah, I'd rather sit in my chair. ***At Jeremy's burnt chair*** Jer: Dammit! My chair! Alright, to the newspaper company! ***At the newspaper company*** Jer: Alright Mr. Head of the company! We want to know why your making your readers die horrible excruciating deaths! Monkey X: Because, I wrote the horoscopes! Mouhouhahahaha! ***An anonymous crewman attacks Monkey X in a rage and ends up boiling to death in a giant pot*** Mat: Nooooo! This wasn't meant to be!! Monkey X: Why not? Brit: He was a Capricorn. Everybody: Oooh, ok. Jer: Enough! Monkey X, stop fixing the horoscopes! Monkey X: Why don't you make me! Jer: Make me make you! Monkey X: Make me make you make me! Jer: Yeah, well make me make you make me make you! Monkey X: Make me make you make me make you make me! Brit: Jer, why don't you just make him? Jer: Make me! ***Monkey X attacks Jeremy in his moment of weakness, but the tides quickly turn as Jer kicks Monkey X's ass*** Anita: How clich�. Jer *ghetto style*: Your name is Tiffany, HOU! Jen: Hey Jeremy, look at that chair over there! Jer: Let's steal it! Al: Ouu, it vibrates! ***Back on the Rentacar*** Jer: What's that on my new chair!?? Mat: Well...it vibrates... Jer: Yeah.... Mat: And well...I used it... Jer: Yeah.... Mat: And I was suppose to lose my virginity! Jer: EWW!! Get me a new chair!! Dan: Here's one! Jer: Is it comfortable? Dan: I made it out of duct tape and the ashes of your last chair. Mat: Well, I guess there's a moral to all of this. Ben: What's that, Mat? Mat: Being superstitious brings you bad luck. And there you have it. The ship looted to bits and pieces, the crew repairs everything with duct tape when they learn that the horoscopes were fixed. Now, as expected, everything is back to normal on the starship Rentacar! But don't despair, more incredulous episodes to come! Stayed tuned for the next episode of Adventures In Space!!! (echo effect) |
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