| Episode 13: Ya har, har har |
| With the hold full of funny-yummy gummy bears, the starship Rentacar flies through space in superhyperduperspaceflight. What awaits them in the deep, dark space ahead? Read on... ***Everyone is in the conference lounge (that�s right, there�s a conference lounge).*** Jer: Dan, what is our engine status? Dan: Mysteriously powerful engines are operating at optimum levels, sir. Jer: Jennifer, what is the hospital room�s status? Jen: We�re full on supplies and crewman #55 has reported stomach pains. Jer: Excellent. Anita, what is the status of our navigational systems? Anita: I dunno, I�d have to check. Brit: Wait a minute...if you�re here, and not on the bridge, then who�s driving the ship??? Anita: Oh yeah, I got an anonymous crewman to do it. Mat: Are you insane??? Ben: Your out of your mind!! Jer: You never leave a bunch of anonymous crewmen in charge of the bridge alone!! ***The Rentacar shakes and everybody falls to the ground*** Brit: Will they listen to Brittany? Nooo...gotta do it the Rentacar way... Jer: To the bridge! ***On the bridge, all of the anonymous crewmen run away*** Jer: Report! Al: Shields down to 50%. Ben: It�s a giant...spaceship! Brit: Thank you, captain obvious. Jer: Alex, disable they�re engines and weapons. Al: Woohoo! Direct hit! Hardy har har! *does his victory dance* Jer: Hail them. ***An alien dude with a patch on one eye and a parrot on his shoulder appears on the TV screen*** Alien: Ar, shiver me timbers, ye�ve defeated me, lads. Mat: It�s some kind of alien pirate! Alien: In recognition of ye victory, we give ye our treasure. Good hunting to you, ar! ***The TV screen shuts off and the alien space ship flies away*** Mat: Ar, a pirate�s life seems to be a good one. Anita: We should all be pirates! Jer: Gunner Alex, ye must�ve missed the engines of that there boat! Al: Aye captain...aye. Jer: Get out o' me eyes ya scarvy scum! Go swab the deck! Al: Aye aye, captain! *starts swabbing* Jer: All ya�ll, put on some pirate garments and return here in 10 minutes. ***10 minutes later, everyone is dressed like a pirate. Jeremy has a patch on an eye and a parrot on a shoulder*** Ben: Cap�n, now what do we do? Jer: We hunt for treasure, my good boatswain. We hunt for treasure. ***A long silence*** Jer: Anyone seen some treasure in there whereabouts? Mat: Argh, there be treasure in them thar hills! Jer: Shiver me timbers! Helsman, set sail for them thar hills. Anita: Men to sails! Rudder set for new heading! Sails furled! Brit: Polly wanna cracker? ***At them thar hills*** Ben: Cap�n! Thar be here plunderers already! Jer: Bring us about, hard a port! Men to guns! Anita: Hard a port! Al: Men to starboard cannons! Mat: You mean, men to starboard lasers? Al: Ar. Men to starboard lasers. Ben: Pirate sail a starboard! Jer: Open fire! Al: Fire at will! ***The lasers fire and the other pirate ship blows up*** Jer: Har har! Dead men tell no tales, you li'ly libbered land lubbers! Dan *on the intercom*: Cap�n, this be the engineer. We got the treasure, yo ho, yo ho. Crewman #40: This is stupid. We�re in earth fleet, we can�t be pirates. I�m going to take this treasure back to earth. Mat: Traitor! Brit: Swab the deck with him! Jer: Keep your wits about you lads! This traitor will walk the plank! Send that lubber to Davey Jones! Mat: Extend the airlock! Al: Walk the plank! ***Crewman #40 walks the �plank� (which is really the airlock) and gets eaten by the space sharks outside*** Jer: Helmsman, take us to the nearest bank, yar har. ***In the Bank Of Saturn*** Clerk: What can I do for you, sir? Jer: Yar, we�d like to deposit our treasure. Heave too mateys! ***Al, Ben and Dan bring in the treasure chest*** Clerk: Oh, sir, I�m afraid that we don�t serve pirates here, it�s illigal. Jer: Oh. Ok. Well everyone, take off your pirate stuff. Clerk: In that case, here is your 100 billion dollars. Thank you and come again! Jer: Woohoo! Mat: I guess there�s a moral to all of this. Jen: What�s that, Mat? Mat: X marks the spot, even when there be no treasure. For once a moral that makes sense! Well, sort of. You try to figure it out. While you are, I will keep on writing the amazing, stupefying and completely ridiculous Adventures In Space!!! |