Beans in chili is a crime punishable by flogging
Anything below 80 degrees is a bit chilly to you
Schools close for the first day of hunting season
You refer to shopping carts as "buggies"
You think God looks a little like Willie Nelson
You've ever decorated a mesquite tree for Christmas
You think armadillos are cute little critters
You know the proper pronunciations for Detroit, Bogata, and Waxahatchie
You believe that if you live a real good life, when you die you go to Tom Landry's house
You have barbecue sauce for blood
You can tell about a man by the way he keeps his grille
It STILL don't matter who's in Austin, Bob Wills is STILL the king!!!!
You have four seasons: almost summer, summer, a little past summer, and football.
It isn't uncommon to have NO snow at all in the winter
You've ever had both the woodstove and air conditioner on at different times of the day
Your fantasy is to tie Jerry Jones down to a fire ant mound and pour a jar of honey on him
Jalapeno pepper sauce, ketchup, & barbecue sauce are the usual condiments on your dinner table
You've ever made chili out of rattlesnake or alligator
You don't get nervous about any tornado less than F3
Any hailstones smaller than golf balls are referred to as sleet
The wind stopped blowing in Amarillo one day, and everybody in town fell over
Going to Wal-Mart is a social event, rivaled only by church and high school football
You move over to the shoulder on a highway to let faster cars pass you
You can wave with two fingers while driving
A flour-water-grease mixture over two chunks of bread constitute breakfast
You chicken-fry everything
If your skillet ever came up missing, you'd starve to death
You think your town's something else if it has either a Dairy Queen or Sonic
You never, NEVER go near a salad bar at those all-you-can-eat buffet places
You agree that animals do have rights- right from the field to the skillet to your plate to your gut
Your teething ring was a jalapeno pepper
If you can't barbecue with either charcoal or mesquite, why bother?
If you can't two-step, you can't dance
You've been bitten by fire ants in February
You don't know which is worse- all the Okies coming across the Red River, or the Californians coming across New Mexico
Even as an adult, you say "Yes sir" to older men and "Yes ma'am to older women
You own more than two shotguns
Whether you live in the middle of the Metroplex or in the middle of nowhere, you still use the phrase "going into town"
Any hole in the ground filled with water is referred to as a "stock tank"
Directions to your house include "turn off the paved road..."
Any Thanksgiving without pecan pie is a total waste
If your Mama dies & is buried on Saturday, you do it in the morning, so you can get home & watch the Aggies/Longhorns/Eagles/Red Raiders/Horned Frogs/Mustangs/Cougars/Owls play football in the afternoon
Church has ever let out early during football season
The snow removal device rises in the east every morning
You think of Yankees as anybody north of Tulsa or Little Rock
You grow up being able to speak English and Spanish
"Y'all" is one person- "all y'all" is a group of people
School has ever been closed due to a half-inch of snow
School has ever been closed because the air conditioners gave out in March
If you refer to your wife as prettier than a field of pregnant red hogs, she takes it as a compliment
You wear your pant legs tucked inside your boots
You refer to armadillos as Texas speedbumps
You know what chopping cedar is
You think that Blue Bell ice cream is a gift from God Almighty Himself
You even admit you know what calf fries are, much less eat them
Your pickup truck and/or bass boat costs more than your house
If it ain't country, it ain't music
You're proud that a Texan's back in the White House, by Gawd!
Your idea of fine crystal is matching fruit jars
You know that the Neches River down by Beaumont separates the coonasses from the dumbasses (now wait a cotton-pickin' minute...)
You buy a car based on how many bales of hay you can put in the trunk
You know that Ray Wylie Hubbard wrote "Up Against the Wall Redneck" about you
As an Aggie alumnus, any bonfire less than 50 feet tall is good for nothing but roasting marshmallows
If you live in the Panhandle, it's so flat you have a three-day notice of company coming
During the last drought, the catfish were sprayed for ticks
It got so hot last summer, asphalt achieved a liquid state
It was so hot, you could make instant sun tea
Last summer, you had a three-inch rainfall one day- drops fell three inches from each other
You know of a town that has a festival for fire ants (FIRE ANTS?!?!?.)
When you come up on your neighbor on a country road, stopping & talking for a couple hours is not unusual
In the country, a traffic jam consists of six cars behind a John Deere tractor
You know the only reason there's a hole in the roof at Texas Stadium is so God can watch His team play
You can get out of Texas, but you can't get Texas out of you
You have enough of a sense of humor to laugh at these and pass it along to your non-Texas friends