You refer to your wife's recipes as scratchbuilt, kitbashed, or "shake-the-box"
Every model locomotive you own is in pristine condition, while your own car can barely move under its own power
Your idea of Hell is a hobby shop filled with Tyco and pre-Proto LifeLike engines and rolling stock
Being called narrow-minded is OK, unless you model standard gauge
You search out the hobby shop in every town you visit
Your local hobby shop is on speed-dial
You gnash your teeth when your wife refers to the weatherbeaten, run-down, exquisitely super- detailed building you spent hours working on as "cute"
During intimate relations with your spouse, your mind suddenly wanders into a debate on the proper shade of blue/green/red/orange your favorite RR painted its locomotives
You think John Allen's birthday should be a national holiday
You're excited when XYZ announces a release of a locomotive you've been waiting on for years, but toss a fit when you buy it & discover they got the details wrong- AGAIN!!!
You can't understand why your wife won't let you extend the layout through the bathroom
Every nook & cranny or your living room and bathroom is filled with past issues of your favorite model RR magazines
You have more pictures of your modeling work than you do of your family
You have the drive home from work planned out so it goes by the hobby shop, no matter how far out of the way it actually is
You plan all of your vacations around swap meets and NMRA conventions
You've used up all the cotton swabs and your wife's makeup applicators to weather your freight cars
Walthers has you on your Christmas card list
You wear a railriad crossing sign (with flashing red lights) as a tie clip. In church. During the pastor's
sermon. And you don't turn it off
You believe that if you live a good life, when you die you go to Caboose Hobbies
You refer to your wife's makeup as a great weathering job
You immediately thereafter learn to make plaster casts out of your Hydrocal
You wore a black armband the day Mantua went out of business
The CTC system on your layout is better than the CTC on most Class 1 lines
You refer to your marriage as a merger
You name your cats "Chessie" and "Peake"
Your rolling stock inventory costs as much as your house
You subscribe to every model railroad bulletin board on the Web and spread what little information you have, getting into electronic shouting matches with anyone who disagrees with you over such Earth-shattering topics as Atlas vs. Kato, or the correct color of ABC Railroad's caboose toilets
You refer to your wife as the Bureau of Land Management, VP/Finance Management, or other such terms of endearment
You think the hobby has gone to hell since (fill in the blank)
You think your favorite magazine has gone to hell since (fill in the blank)
When you die, you want your coffin painted in your favorite railroad's paint scheme
You sincerely believe every model railroader deserves a good piece of brass
