The One With Monica's Lost Remote
By: Matt
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.
(Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Its night. Chandler is sitting on the couch with a cat. The cat meows.)
Chandler: Sh! Monica is still sleeping.
Monica (from her bedroom): What's going on!
Chandler: Ok shoo!
(The cat grabs the TV remote and runs to the balcony and jumps off. Monica opens her bedroom door.)
Monica: What was that meow?
Chandler: It was the TV
(Monica looks at the TV.)
Monica: The TV isn't on.
Chandler: Well Celine Dion came on and her singing was gonna wake you up.
Monica: Well she does sound like a cat. Well I'm up so lets watch some TV.
(she goes for the TV remote, but it isn't in the right spot.)
Monica: Chandler! Why didn't you put the remote in the exact same spot!
Chandler: because I'm normal!
Opening Credits
(Scene: Joey's Apartment. Rachel, Joey, and Ross are talking.)
Ross: So decide this. Who kisses better?
Rachel: Joey
Joey (in a sexy voice): See all the women love Joey's kisses.
Ross: I can't believe that!
Joey: Who's more sweet.
Rachel: Ross
Ross (in a sexy voice): Sensitivity is what women love.
Rachel: this discussion could go on for days.
(Phoebe walks in.)
Joey: Pheebs! Who should Rachel date? Me or Ross?
Phoebe: Definitely you Joey.
(Monica walks in)
Ross: Mon, who should Rachel date? Me or Joey?
Monica: You!
(Chandler walks in.)
Joey: Chandler!
Ross: Who should Rachel date?
Chandler: Joey
Ross: Wrong answer!
Chandler: Well Regis! I didn't say final answer!
Phoebe: I got an idea.
Rachel: Oh it better be good!
Monica: Oh yeah.
Phoebe: Rachel can go on dates with both of them and then decide.
Joey and Ross: Yeah!
Rachel (whispering to Monica): She's got good ideas sometimes.
Monica (screaming): I know!
Joey: You know how Chandler brings in Mr. Twinkles every night?
Chandler: Joey!
Monica: Who is Mr. Twinkles?
Phoebes: Weird marriage stuff…
Ross: They'll probably kiss and make up in 2 minutes.
(Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel leave. Joey stays sitting.)
Rachel: You can see them kiss later.
Joey: Ohhh!
(Joey and Rachel leave)
Monica: Who is Mr. Twinkles?
Chandler: He's a cat I let in every night.
Monica: Is he the one that took the nine off the remote?
Chandler: Yeah
Monica: And you said Joey was hungry and he ate the nine!
Chandler: Well you believed me!
(Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Phoebe and Ross are talking. Rachel is looking out the door.)
Rachel: Joey get back!
Phoebe: Yeah you wouldn't be able to see anything through the peephole.
(Joey walks in.)
Rachel: Hey sexy.
(Rachel kisses Joey. Ross gets up.)
Ross: You chose him?
Rachel: No sexy.
(She kisses Ross. Phoebe gets up.)
Phoebe: Rachel! You can't both of them.
(Phoebe kisses Ross.)
Ross: Wow! That was pretty good.
Joey: Where's mine.
(Phoebe kisses Joey. Just when the touch, Monica and Chandler walk up.)
Monica: Oh my god!
(Phoebe and Joey finish)
Joey: That was pretty good.
Phoebe: I like that thing you did with your tongue.
Rachel: What thing with your tongue?
Ross: So Rachel is mine. And Phoebe is Joey's.
Rachel: No! I am not yours!
(Phoebe, Rachel, Joey, and Ross start screaming.)
Chandler: Look they're acting out a scene from The Young and The Restless.
(There's a knock on the door. Monica opens it. Janice and Richard are there.)
Chandler: Please tell me that’s not my mystery date.
Janice: Ha Ha Ha! You're so funny Chandler Bing! (she walks over to Chandler and whispers) Has the marriage gone in the pooper yet?
Chandler: No!
Richard: Well anyway we found this on the ground by your building.
(He hands her a TV remote.)
Monica: How did you know it was mine?
Janice: It says property of Monica Geller.
Rachel: You label your remote?
Chandler: She also labeled the toilet seat.
Ross: What?
Phoebe: Why? Is someone gonna steal your toilet seat?
Monica: Joey did one time.
Joey: That’s because mine broke and I needed to go bad so I grabbed your toilet seat.
Chandler: Why didn't you just use our toilet.
Janice: And I thought you guys were normal.
Richard: Anyway we would like you to come to dinner in 2 weeks.
Chandler (to Janice): Are you cooking?
Janice: No.
Chandler: Oh thank god.
Janice: What!
Richard: Well we gotta go see you.
(Janice and Richard leave. Then a second goes by. Richard comes back.)
Richard: Her cooking does suck!
(He leaves. Everyone is standing there.)
Rachel: We gotta get out of that.
Ross: I know.
Monica: I am not eating with them.
Chandler: Thank god she's not cooking.
Joey: I remember last time she cooked for you. I could hear you moaning in your bedroom.
Chandler: Actually that was because Janice was in there and she wouldn't shut up.
Monica: Remember that one time we were in bed and you…
Rachel: Don't even tell us.
(Phoebe is standing there.)
Ross: Whats wrong Pheebs?
Phoebe: I was just thinking how…
Rachel: Yeah…
Phoebe: Joey could…
Joey: Yeah… (getting an excited look on his face)
Phoebe: break his toilet seat.
Joey: Well I was standing there going…
Monica: Don't even tell us.
THE END