The One With All The Dates

By: Matt

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kaufman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.

(Scene: Phoebe's Apartment. Phoebe is on the couch with Greg (the taxi driver).

Phoebe: So…

Greg: You wanna kiss?

Phoebe: Sure

(They Kiss)

Greg: That was um… interesting.

Phoebe: Oh my god!

Greg: What?

Phoebe: Well I was smoking and then I kissed you.

Greg: You smoke?

Phoebe: Yeah

Greg: I'm allergic to second hand smoke.

(His face starts to turn red.)

Phoebe: We need to get you to a hospital!

(Phoebe runs to get her keys)

Greg: How do you run?

Phoebe: I'm trying to save you!

Greg: Ok then!

Phoebe: Oh in my past life I was a nurse so I'll help you.

Greg: Let's go!

Opening Credits

(Scene: Ross & Rachel's. Rachel and Joey are talking.)

Joey: This is weird.

Rachel: What? Us dating?

Joey: No! I love us dating. I mean we're talking here instead of at Chandler and Monica's.

Rachel: Yeah that is weird.

Joey: Come here.

(Joey and Rachel kiss.)

Rachel: Now that was good!

Joey: Yeah Monica thought so.

Rachel: What?!?!

Joey: Oh I practiced that on Monica once.

Rachel: Oh my god! You freak!

(Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen.)

Chandler: It's weird.

Monica: What? Joey and Rachel, and Ross and Rachel dating?

Chandler: No! I love them dating.

Monica: Now that sounds like something Joey would say.

Chandler: Yeah it does.

(Phone Rings. Monica picks it up.)

Monica: Oh I hi Janice.(listens) Yeah all of us are still coming. (listens). Oh I don't need to bring anything. (listens). OK Bye (hangs up the phone.)

Chandler: Well that’s a relief.

Monica: No it isn't. That means I do have to bring something.

Chandler: She just said you didn't… (gets cut off)

Monica: Well that means you do.

Chandler: Wow. I have misunderstood the 'u don't have to' for 30 some years.

(Scene: Hospital. Phoebe is on a gurney and Greg is on another gurney. Greg looks over to Phoebe.)

Greg: Why are you in a gurney?

Phoebe: You don't remember? I feel on the way into the hospital.

Greg: Oh

Phoebe: I need a cigarette here.

Greg: Did you forget why we're here?

Phoebe: Well yeah. I feel on the way in here. Duh.

Greg: The second hand smoke allergy.

Phoebe: Oh yeah.

(Ross walks in)

Phoebe: Hey Ross.

Ross: What are you doing in a gurney? You just said Greg was hurt.

Greg: Yeah well things happen.

(Chandler walks in)

Phoebe: Where's Monica?

Chandler: She's making something for Richard and Janice's dinner.

Phoebe: Well they called me and said I didn't have to bring anything.

Ross: Well you know how Janice is.

Chandler (imitating Janice): Oh my god!

Greg: Don't forget I dated her.

Chandler: Didn't you hate when she did (whispers something to Greg) in bed.

Greg: Oh yeah.

Phoebe: Don't even tell us.

Chandler: I wasn't gonna tell you guys.

(They all look at Ross)

Chandler (to Ross): Could you be any more quiet.

(Phoebe and Greg laugh)

Phoebe: You haven't said one of those in a while.

Ross: I'm just thinking about what to do on me and Rachel's date.

(Scene: A restaurant. Joey and Rachel are having lunch.)

Rachel: Well this is nice.

Joey: Yeah.

(They sit there.)

Joey: Let's go put-put golfing.

Rachel: I have a dress on.

Joey: I have a pair of women's pants in my apartment.

Rachel: Well my apartment is closer, so I can just go there, and why do you have women's pants.

Joey: Well Emily left hers, after we made love, she put a dress on.

Rachel: Wow you can impress any1 can’t you. First me, Ross ex-wife, and now Emily, Ross ex-wife, you just need to get Carol.

Joey: Tried that. She's wasn't it my whole 'How you doing!'

(Scene: The next day at Monica and Chandler's. Monica is baking. Chandler is on the couch.)

Monica: Yeah, this is gonna be the best ravioli they have ever had.

Chandler: You do know she's a vegetarian.

(Monica takes the pan and dumps it out.)

Chandler: I was just kidding.

(Ross walks in.)

Monica: Hey.

Ross: What does Rachel like?

Monica: I don't know.

Chandler: Don't talk to her. She's trying to make something good for Janice and Richard's dinner.

Ross: Oh Janice called me and said I didn't have to bring anything.

(Scene: Hospital. Phoebe and Greg are sitting on gurneys.)

Phoebe: This is boring.

Greg: I know.

(The door opens. A nurse comes in.)

Nurse: We need this room.

(The door opens again and Joey walks in with a cloth on his head. Rachel and a doctor follow.)

Phoebe: Oh my god!

Greg: What happened?

Rachel: I kinda hit Joey with my putter.

Joey: You don't swing that high in put-put golf!

Rachel: I'm sorry!

Phoebe: Well that makes Rachel the idiot now.

(Scene: The next day at Ross and Rachel's. Rachel, Ross, and Phoebe are on the couch.)

Rachel: That was a good date last night Ross.

Phoebe: Did you hit him in the head with a club?

Rachel: No. We went to a movie.

Ross: Yeah. The most romantic movie ever.

Phoebe: What movie was it?

Ross: Spiderman.

Phoebe: Yeah and you think I'm the weirdo.

(The door opens and Joey walks in. He has a bandage on his face.)

Phoebe: Oh look. It’s the man without a face.

(Ross laughs.)

Rachel: I'm so sorry Joey.

(She kisses Joey.)

Ross: What about me?

(Rachel kisses Ross.)

Phoebe: I want some action!

(Phoebe kisses Rachel.)

Rachel: Phoebe!

Phoebe: Sorry. Wrong person.

(Phoebe kisses Joey.)

Ross: This has to stop. Rachel! Make your decision.

Rachel: I don't know yet.

(Scene: Monica and Chandler's. Monica and Chandler are in the kitchen. There's a bowl with candy in it.)

Chandler: After all that work, you just made homemade candy.

Monica: It's not homemade.

Chandler: Monica why did you torture yourself?

Monica: Why do you make jokes?

(They stand there.)

Chandler: Wanna go to a movie?

Monica: Sure.

(They leave.)

THE END