Author: Toni McIntyre

Title: The One with all the Pretending

Summary: Rachel lied and told her boss she was married, so she gets Joey to pretend to be her husband…but how much is pretending?

Note: It’s a horrific fandom cliché, I know, but I really couldn’t resist, what with those damned commercials on NBC to Only Time with Rach and Joey. I’ve decided I am a Joey/Rachel fan just because I hate Ross…he’s so whiny and if he and Rachel got back together it would only end again, it’s pointless. Well, now that I have explained myself, you may read on.

Dedication: To my sister who bothered me about writing a story. She’s a profound Ross and Rachel fan and wanted me to demonstrate how MAYBE a Joey/Rachel thing would work. So this is for Helen.I hate you so much toni-Her sister helen

Note 2: This is my first Friends fan fiction although I have done loads of West Wing, Sailor Moon, Card Captors and X Men.

The One with all the Pretending

Joey ignores the phone at first; he is after all, in the middle of placing the salami precariously on his sandwich. But upon the fourth ring he rolls his eyes and casts his gaze unwillingly away from his snack and grabs the phone, eager to get back to the delicate art of making his sandwich.

"Hello?" he says lazily into the phone.

"Uh…hello, is Rachel Green there?" a small woman’s voice replies.

"Oh yeah, hold on a second," Joey says idly and puts the phone down on the counter top. He turns towards Rachel’s room and bellows, "Rach!"

"What?" she demands, stumbling from her bedroom.

"Phone," he says simply and gestures to it.

"You shouldn’t yell Joe, I’m only right in the bedroom," she moans rubbing her temple.

"Oh you still have that headache from puking earlier?" he asks, frowning.

"Yes," Rachel says and winces even at the mention of it. "The sooner this morning sickness thing is over the better, I hate being sick like this."

"You want a sandwich?" he asks.

"No thank Joe," Rachel smiles appreciatively, knowing how much it pains Joey to give away any part of his favorite snack. "Hello?" she asks as she finally picks up the phone. "Oh my god! Hi!" she says and Joey looks at her, eyebrows raised. "Yes, of course, I know all about the new line…you want to come over to talk about it?" Rachel looks at Joey and bites her lips. "Uh, no, not a problem at all. I’m sure my husband won’t have any objections."

At this Joey turns around and gestures a huge "what are you doing?" Rachel just slaps her forehead with her hand.

"Uh huh," she says into the phone. "Okay, sure! See you then…bye." Rachel hangs up and immediately Joey starts in.

"Uh…Rach? You didn’t marry Ross again and not tell us did you?" he asks, frowning. "Cause if ya did, I mean once is understandable but TWICE…"

"Joey," Rachel interrupts. " I did not marry Ross."

"Well thank god for that," Joey snorts.

"But I kind of did tell my new boss that I’m married," Rachel says slowly.

"But you’re not," Joey says, confused.

"Exactly, and she’s coming over tomorrow to review for the new line we’re working on and…she’s going to expect to see my husband," Rachel explains.

"Well this is a bit of a predicament, wouldn’t ya say so?" he asks simply.

"Yes Joey I think so," Rachel sighs. "But I told her I was pregnant and I didn’t want to even go into the whole Ross dilemma so…I told her I was married. It just…popped out."

"And you couldn’t pop it back in?"

"Joey, no, it was a little late for that, okay?" Rachel says, frustrated. "But I need to fix this before my boss comes over."

"So what are you going to do?" he asks.

"About the husband?"

"Yeah, I mean, you just told your boss you have one…"

Rachel peers through her hands she had resting over her eyes, at Joey. He looks right back at her and slowly begins to realize just what she’s suggesting.

"Oh no," he shakes his head firmly. "No, no, NO!"

"Oh come on Joey," Rachel pleads, leaping from the lounger. "It’ll just be this one little meeting!"

"Hey you remember the last favor you asked me to do you?" he asks, arms folded in front of his chest.

"But that was to have sex, not to marry me," Rachel shrugs. "And you just have to pretend…hey! It’ll be the perfect acting job."

"I dunno," Joey says, unsure. He’s thinking about the last time someone said that to him and he and Chandler got into a fight about Joseph.

"Oh please Joey?" Rachel asks, taking his hands. "Please?"

Joey takes a second before giving in.

"Oh okay," he says, breaking his resolve completely.

"Oh god, thank you so much Joey," Rachel gives a small cheer and hugs him.

"Yeah, yeah," Joey says, but smiles.

"Oh I have to go get things ready," she says hurriedly, almost excited. "I have to change this living room…"

"What?" Joey’s eyes brows rise. "What’s wrong with my living room?"

"Oh sweetie, nothing…but if we were married I would never let you have this curtain," she gestures to the ratty one hanging over the window and Joey just shrugs, letting Rachel buzz excitedly around the apartment as he contemplated just what the hell he had gotten himself into.

Dunno if I should finish. Feedback welcomed. [email protected]