Author: Toni McIntyre

Title: The One with Heart and Soul

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Joey makes a promise for forever with Rachel…or eventual forever. And Monica gets a piano but she only knows one song, in turn driving Chandler up the wall.

Note: I’ve decided to meld TOW Heart and Soul with TOW the Parent’s just…because I’m the author and I can!

Dedication: To everyone who knows Heart and Soul…all of it.

The One with Heart and Soul 1: That Damn Piano

Rachel and Joey walk into Monica and Chandler’s apartment, met instantly by an overly excited Monica.

"Oh great you guys came! Come on, come on!" she skips over to where something very large is hidden beneath a blue sheet. Chandler, Phoebe and Ross are all standing in the living room, eyeing Monica as they would a mental patient as she happily eyes the sheet.

"What’s going on?" Rachel asks slowly.

"Monica bought something," Chandler sighs, like that should explain everything.

"Something big," Rachel says.

"And it came with a sheet!" Phoebe proclaims and Ross simply rolls his eyes.

"Okay Mon what is it?" Joey asks.

"It is…" Monica pulls off the sheet dramatically revealing a beautifully polished black piano. "A PIANO!"

"I don’t know what to say…" Ross starts.

"Why comes to mind," Chandler mutters. "Mon you bought a PIANO?"

"I know I should have told you first sweetie but it was my parents and they wanted to get ride of it and I took lessons when I was little and isn’t it PRETTY?" she says all this very quickly, leaving her friends to goggle at her new purchase.

"It is very nice," Rachel admits.

"Oh and you can put little decorations on top!" Phoebe says.

"Yeah!" Monica grins. "See Chandler, it’s a piano! Everyone’s gonna love the piano!"

"I just don’t understand what the point of having the piano is if no one can play it I guess," Chandler shrugs.

"I can play it! I can play it!" Monica insists and instantly sits down on the small black bench in front of the keys. She grins at Chandler and very slowly brings her index finger up and brings it down harshly on one key after another. It takes a while for the wincing group to realize the torture reaching their ears is Heart and Soul.

"See? See?" Monica says happily after she’s finished.

"I’m more concerned with my hearing right now," Joey mutters, sticking a finger in his ear and moving it about.

"You know what Mon, on second thought, who needs to actually play a piano?" Chandler adds quickly, walking over to shut the board over the keys.

"Yeah it makes for a very lovely…uh…lamp holder," Ross says and takes a lamp from a near by table and slams it down on top of the piano. "Nice!"

Ross and Chandler nod together, painfully fake smiles stretched across their faces.

Later on in the day Rachel is lying down on the couch in her apartment, Joey sitting at the counter on a stool. Rachel’s flipping through Cosmo, and about every page she lets out a deep sigh. On the fifth sigh Joey finally looks up from his cereal and to his girlfriend.

"Rach what’s the matter?" Joey asks.

"Oh why do you think something’s the matter?" Rachel asks.

"Well unless you’re practicing your Lamaze again…"

"No, I just…" Rachel shrugs. "I have this appointment today and this woman behind the counter always gives me this GLARE."

"Why?"

"Because every time I hand here my check top pay, she looks at my left hand," Rachel explains.

"And…"

"She notices I never have a ring," Rachel says. "She looks at me like ‘oh you slut you got pregnant without even a fiancé."

"Rachel I thought he said you wouldn’t let people like that bother you," joey says.

"I know! But you know what it’s like?" Rachel asks, frustrated. "I was in the mall last weekend with Monica and this woman comes up to me and actually starts reciting passages from the bible to me! I mean, why do thy do that? Hwy do they look at me like I’ve committed some horrible sin?"

"Oh Rach, come on," Joey says and get sup, pulling her into a tight hug. "Calm down, okay, no one who matters thinks that about you."

"I know," she sighs against his chest. "And I know I shouldn’t let it bother me but…"

"It does," Joey comments.

"Well…yeah," Rachel admits. "I dunno, maybe I’m just way too hung up on what other people think sometimes. Or maybe it’s hormones…or maybe it’s because I know in a couple of months I’m going to have to fit something the size of a watermelon through something the size of a lemon."

"Rach don’t worry, okay?" Joey asks, kissing her on the forehead. "Last time I checked you weren’t giving birth to a water melon."

Rachel just smiles appreciatively and pats Joey on the head affectionately.

"Oh honey I know."

The next morning Joey walks into Chandler and Monica’s apartment, the sound of music—pretty bad music—reaching him. Chandler is seated at the kitchen table, slumped against it miserably, his head down as Monica continuos to play her warped version of Heart and Soul.

"Hey dude…what’s up?" Joey asks.

"Oh nothing, nothing," Chandler says calmly before erupting. "Nothing but heart and soul all the time, HEART AND SOUL!"

"Okay…"

"Oh Joey!" Monica leaps from the piano and rushes over to him excitedly. "Did you come over because the wonderful music enticed you to?"

"Uh…" Joey glances at Chandler who nods fervently. "Yeah Mon, sure."

"Oh yea!" Monica smiles. "This morning that Great Dane that lives upstairs was howling along to my music! It was so cute!"

"It wasn’t as much howling to the music as it was in pain because of it," Chandler mutters after Monica disappears into their bedroom.

"Hey man can I talk to you?" Joey asks.

"Yes, sure," Chandler says and Joey sits next to him at the table.

"How did you know when it was time to go to the next step with Monica?" Joey asks.

"What’d you mean?" Chandler frowns.

"Like when you moved in together, met each other’s parents—

"Dude I already knew Monica’s parents," Chandler says.

"Or asked her to marry you…"

"WHAT?"

"Or not," Joey says quickly.

"No, back up Joe, now what?" Chandler asks, trying to remain calm.

"It’s just…how did you know when to go to that next level with Monica?" Joey says again.

"Why? Are you thinking about stepping things up with Rachel?" his best friend asks.

"Well I feel like we sorta skipped a couple steps," Joey explains. "Like, you know, we were already living together and then started dating. So, I mean, it just made sense to move our stuff in one bedroom so the other one could be for the baby. And now, I dunno, yesterday she was talking about how people quote the bible to her."

"What?" Chandler looks at Joey, confused.

"You know, some of those ultra-religious nuts who snap at woman who are pregnant and not married."

"Oh right, Monica told me about the whole mall thing last week," Chandler nods. "So what?"

"So…I dunno," Joey sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Like, I love Rachel so much but I just don’t think the timing is right for us to get married, or engaged or anything, you know?"

"I know Joe, and what’s more important is I think Rachel knows that too," Chandler explains wisely.

"Yeah but I still want to help, I want…" Joey trails off, staring into space for a moment.

"Joey?" Chandler calls, waving a hand in front of his friend’s face. "Ya there?"

"Yeah…I-I got an idea," Joey announces and immediately gets up from the table and heads for the door.

"Joey, wait, what are you doing?" Chandler calls fruitlessly after his friend.

"I gotta do something, I’ll see you in a bit," Joey explains hurriedly and runs out the door.

"Wait, uh…okay," Chandler sighs and sits back down at the kitchen table, moaning.

"Oh sweetie what’s wrong?" Monica asks, concerned, as she walks back into the kitchen, rubbing his shoulder.

"Nothing, nothing," Chandler waves her off.

"Oh! I know what’ll cheer you up!" she says excitedly and hops over to the piano and immediately begins her by now famously horrible rendition of Heart and Soul, much to Chandler’s chagrin. He simply smiles at his wife then, after her head is turned, slams his forehead against the table.

Ross walks into Chandler and Monica’s about an hour after Joey’s rush departure to find Chandler on the phone, obviously angry. Monica is in the bedroom, oblivious to Chandler’s conversation.

Ross makes a ‘what’s going on’ gesture to Chandler who waves Ross off and then speaks bitterly into the phone.

"Yes Mrs. Kingston I assure you it is an actual instrument and not the voice of Satan," Chandler says and Ross raises his eyebrows. "A piano Mrs. Kingston…Mrs K-Mrs. Ki-A PIANO!" Chandler shouts into the phone and Ross leaps back. "She’s a little heard at hearing," Chandler whispers, covering up the receiver.

"What’s she complaining about?" Ross asks.

"What else?" Chandler rolls his eyes. "I’ve gotten a phone call from everyone in our building AND yours including a guy named Dr. Pheller…"

"Uh, a Dr. PHELLER huh," Ross mutters, shifting his eyes around.

"They’re all complaining about the damn piano," Chandler says and then turns back to the phone. "No, Mrs. Kingston I don’t think you understand…no I can’t just tell her she sucks…because she’s my WIFE!" Chandler pauses. "Well tell Mr. Kingston I applaud his honesty. Look what do you want me to say? Okay? Look, Mon, I love you but you know you suck at playing the piano! And hey it’s not even a little suck, it’s a full out suck!"

Meanwhile, Monica has entered the room in plenty of time to hear the more important part of the conversation and instantly looks mad. Ross starts making frantic slashing motions over his throat with his fingers but his brother-law is seemingly unaware. Finally, after Ross slams down on the counter top Chandler snaps his head up and recognizes the look on Ross’s face. He immediately turns.

"Hi Mon," Chandler mumbles.

"I suck?" she asks, upset. "You said I suck!"

"No, Mon, but I said I love you too!" he tries but Monica has already run into the bedroom, slamming the door loudly behind her. Chandler sighs and rolls his eyes upon hearing something on the other end of the phone. "Yes Mrs. Kingston, this means I’m sleeping on the couch."

Joey paces slowly in the living room when Rachel walks in from coffee with Phoebe.

"Hey sweetie, what’s up?" Rachel asks, shrugging off her jacket and slinging it over a stool.

"Oh good, Rach, we need to talk," Joey says and walks up to her, taking her hands.

"What’s going on?" she asks, worried as he leads her over to the couch.

"Uh…listen you know what we were talking about yesterday?" Joey asks.

"About the importance of slicing your peanut butter sandwiches horizontally? Cause I promise—

"No Rach not that, but thanks for remembering," Joey smiles.

"Sure, I wouldn’t be a good girlfriend if I didn’t," she laughs and kisses him quickly on the mouth.

"That’s what we need to talk about," Joey says suddenly.

"What?"

"You…me…stuff."

Rachel looks at him, confused. "Sweetie?"

"Yesterday you were talking about…engagement and—

"Oh no, no, no!" Rachel interrupts. "Oh god Joey I’m sorry if you thought, I mean, I love you but I like how things are right now!"

"That’s just it Rach, so do I," Joey says.

"Then what’s the problem?"

"I want something more, just a little,"’ Joey mutters. "Like…we’re not quite engaged but…one day we will be."

"You mean like a promise?" Rachel asks, smiling slowly.

"Yeah, like a promise," Joey nods. "I, ah, got you something." He reaches deep into his jean pocket and pulls out a gold ring with a two hearts engraved into the top, filled with heart shaped diamonds, also intertwining.

"Oh my god, Joey," Rachel whispers.

"You remember on DOUL when Allison got engaged to Barry even though it only last a season?" Joey asks.

"Yes…oh my god is this Allison’s ring?" Rachel gasps, looking at the ring.

"No but I told the jeweler I wanted something just like it," Joey shrugs.

"Oh honey I love it," Rachel says in awe as Joey slips it onto her finger.

"It’s a promise ring," Joey explains sweetly. "It means…one day we’ll be engaged."

"A promise ring," Rachel whispers, looking at it. "Oh I love it, I love you!" she shouts and throws herself into Joey’s arms. She kisses him long and beams at him after they separate.

"I love you eventual Mrs. Tribianni," he mutters.

"I love you too eventual…well…already Mr. Tribianni," Rachel giggles and Joey smiles, kissing her again.