Author: Toni McIntyre

Title: The One with Regrets 8/9 it looks like. With definite sequel.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Joey and Rachel (now married) return from their wedding and all hell breaks loose. This is kinda short, bear with me.

Note: I’m sick so I did a lot of writing to pass the time. Hence why I’m posting stuff today.

The One with Regrets 8: The Honeymoon’s Over

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Goin’ to the chapel

And we’re, gonna get married

Goin’ to the chapel

And we’re gonna get married

Goin’ to the chapel of love!

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"Yeah Mom I know," Joey says and Rachel looks up at him. He’s driving but he has his cell phone up to his ear. He’s been on the phone with his parents for a good hour almost, trying to explain what he just did.

"What is it?" Rachel asks.

"She’s just upset we didn’t get married in a church," Joey rolls his eyes. "Don’t worry about it."

"Okay," Rachel sighs and leans back in her chair. She brings her left hand up to her face and can’t help but smile at the sight of her wedding band. She’d never done something so absolutely rebellious…her father was going to shoot her.

"Yeah mom okay, yeah all right," Joey says. "I’ll see you tomorrow then. Bye." He hangs up the phone and sticks it back in his pocket. "Okay bad news."

"Uh oh, what?"

"My parents want us to come to dinner tomorrow," Joey says.

"That’s not too bad," Rachel says, trying to remain optimistic.

"My sisters will be there."

"All of them?"
"Probably."

"Holy shit!"

"Yeah," Joey laughs. "Don’t worry we’ll work out some signal or something to rescue each other if things get really bad."

"A signal?" Rachel giggles.

"Yeah like, I dunno, wave your hand in the air four times or cough twice," Joey shrugs and Rachel laughs. "Yeah I wanted to be a spy when I was a kid."

"So I get to meet my in-laws," Rachel says and leans against Joey’s shoulder. "So weird."

"What?"

"All this," she admits. "Weird but…I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else."

"Nice to know," Joey grins and kisses her quickly. "Hey you going to call your parents?"

"Uh…I don’t think so," she stammers.

"Scared huh," he states rather then asks.

"Terrified," Rachel admits.

"Hey don’t worry," he says soothingly, using a free hand to rub her back. "It’s your life, he doesn’t run it anymore."

"Yeah, okay," Rachel says. "Okay I’ll do it."

"Now that is the woman I married."

"Aw," Rachel coos instantly. "What is with you that’s the fourth time you’ve said something like that in the past hour and a half."

"I guess I just like to say it," Joey admits. "I mean you’re my wife. My wife…I married you. You are my wife."

"Wow that is such a turn on," Rachel says, kissing him on the cheek.

"Yeah?" he smirks. "My WIFE."

"Okay I need to call my dad," she giggles and hits Joey—or her HUSBAND—on the arm. She punches in the number. "Hey Daddy! Guess what?"

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"He’s STILL talking?" Joey looks at the cell phone Rachel tossed onto the dashboard of the cab.

"Uh huh," Rachel moans. "Since Pennsylvania at least."

"Just hang up on him!"

"No Joey I can’t," Rachel says quickly. "He’ll just get upset then that I hung up on him."

"All right then, what’s your mother’s number?" Joey asks, pulling out his cell phone."

"215-555-6571 why?" she frowns.

"Because I’m calling her," Joey says and he hands Rachel the phone. "Now talk."

"Mom?" Rachel says, glaring at Joey. "Well, uh, I have some news. I got married. Yesterday…to Joey. Joey, mom…no not Ross!"

Rachel rolls her eyes and pulls the phone away from her ear so Joey too can hear Rachel’s mother continuing to gab. Rachel simply leans forward and places the two phones on the dashboard facing each other.

"You two just talk this out."

****************************************

"Yea," Rachel laughs as Joey puts her down just beyond the doorway to the apartment. "I’ve always wanted to be carried over the threshold!"

"Great now help?" Joey asks since he is left with all the bags after putting down Rachel.

"Oh honey yeah," Rachel takes a couple bags from him and puts them down in the living room.

Joey moves behind him to shut the door, but before he can Phoebe runs inside.

"Oh thank GOD!" Phoebe shouts.

"Hi Phoebe, nice to see you too," Joey says.

"Thank GOD I found you guys first!" Phoebe pants from an obvious run. "Ross, Monica and Chandler are looking all over for you guys!"

"What, why?" Rachel pauses, then realizes the only reason why. "They KNOW?"

"How?" Joey frowns.

"It SLIPPED!" Phoebe continues to scream.

"Okay honey calm down," Rachel says, uncovering her ears. "Now what is going on?"

"Well we came here, the guys saw the sign on your door—

"I knew that was a stupid idea!" Joey moans.

"Hey I only drew the picture," Rachel says to defend herself.

"Well Ross is tearing up all of New York," Phoebe says.

"Oh god he’s mad," Joey mumbles. "I am SO gonna die!"
"Joey!"
"Rach, you know that ‘for as long as we both shall live’ part? Well I’m about done living or I will be when he finds me—

"Joey you are NOT going to die!" Rachel interrupts. "Now I just MARRIED you and I am NOT becoming a widow on what is supposed to be my honey moon. WE are going to figure this out."

"How, HOW?" Joey asks loudly.

"Oh I dunno," Rachel sighs, thinking.

"We could fake Joey’s death," Phoebe suggests.

"Phoebe that only works for Mulder," Rachel says.

"Oh he’s cute…"

"PHOEBE!"
"Okay, thinking…" Phoebe says.

"OH MY GOD!"

Rachel, Phoebe and Joey turn as Chandler runs into the apartment.

"You guys got MARRIED?" he asks.

"Yup and I’m gonna die," Joey says simply and holds up the hand with his wedding ring.

"I can not believe you took my advice," Chandler moans.

"You TOLD him to marry Rachel?" Monica shouts and storms in behind Chandler. "I can’t believe this! You are SUCH an unbelievable IDIOT!"

"What?" Chandler gapes. "Look it’s not my fault!"

"Uh huh."

"THEY actually LISTENED to me!"

"Hey stop it all of you!" Rachel yells and her friends fall silent. "Now I want everyone to stop talking about this like it was a mistake! It’s WASN’T! I love him! It was our decision to make, Chandler just planted the seeds!"

"Thank you," Chandler sighs.

"But I’m happy he did or maybe I wouldn’t have married him," Rachel says. "And I do love him and I don’t regret this at all. No one could possibly make me regret one of the happiest days of my life!"

"I definitely won’t."

Everyone in the room turns from the ranting Rachel to Ross, standing in the doorway.

TBC…