Author: Toni McIntyre

Title: The One with Regrets 6/oh hell I dunno…

Rating: PG-13

Note: Yeah, I know that after the last chapter some people are wondering how the HELL I’m gonna make any sense out of that…that’s why I have this chapter. This explains why Joey said what he said, whether it’s taken seriously by Rachel and how Chandler smacks him upside the head a couple of times.

Dedication: To Helen. My mom’s a bridesmaid for her friend who’s getting married in March and Helen and I spent a good four hours contemplating what we want for our wedding. I knew there was a reason I had a sister!

The One with Regrets 6: What Kind of Proposal Was THAT?

"You do know our anniversary is in a couple of months, right?"

Chandler looks up from his book where he’s reading on the bed to his wife. Monica’s standing in the door way, her hands on her hips, black hair tied back in a tight ponytail.

"No in fact I forgot we got married at all."

"Chandler…"

"Yes I know, how could I not?" he asks.

"Well you’re a man…and you forgot Valentine’s day that one year," Monica says, walking over to sit on the bed.

"So did you!"

"Not the point," Monica says quickly. "The point is that it’s our first anniversary and we’re supposed to do something important."

"Well…I got one idea…" Chandler smirks and tosses his book to the side.

"Uh huh," Monica smiles. "And did you put your bookmark in before you threw that?"

Chandler thinks for a moment before diving off the bed to get his book. Monica rolls her eyes.

"Very smooth mister romance," she smirks when he comes back on to the bed; his book safely marked.

"Oh I can be," he insists.

"Hmm…maybe I’ve just forgotten," Monica whispers coyly as he leans in to kiss her.

"Well maybe I just need to remind you," he grins and kisses her passionately.

"CHANDLER!"

The shout of his name startles the couple and Chandler moans, silently wishing death upon the speaker.

"Chandler!" Joey bursts into their bedroom and Chandler collapses on to the bed with a sigh.

"Hey Joe," Chandler says in mock excitement.

"Hey," Joey nods at Chandler’s wife. "Hey Monica."
"Hi Joey," Monica smiles. "What’s up?"

"Well I was sitting at home thinking about…you know…all the stuff going on and the place is so quiet…I’m going INSANE!" Joey makes gestures of pulling out his hair. "Seriously, there’s nothing to do over there so all I can do is think about how Ross is thinking…gah…so I thought I’d see what you were doin."

"Well nobody’s getting done that’s for sure," Chandler mutters.

"Huh?"

"Never mind," Chandler sighs. "Listen you want me to come over and hang out with you?"

"Would you?" Joey asks, looking more like a puppy then a person.

"Yeah," his best friend says reluctantly. Joey smiles and instantly runs from the bedroom. Chandler stands for a moment and Monica walks up from behind him to kiss his cheek.

"You’re a good man Charlie Brown," she smiles.

"Yeah, yeah," Chandler mutters but smiles and kisses her one more time before leaving and following Joey back into his apartment.

*********************

And hour later Chandler’s lounging in Joey’s chair, nursing a beer. Joey’s sitting at the counter on the barstool, laptop open in front of him.

"What are you doing?" Chandler asks.

"Checking my e mail," Joey responds, not taking his eyes from the screen.

"Right cause this is why I turned down sex, to watch you check your e mail," Chandler mutters into his beer.

"What?" Joey asks, turning around.

"Nothing," Chandler says quickly.

"Oh!" Joey suddenly proclaims as the computer makes a small beeping sound.

"What?"

"Rachel’s on, I’m gonna IM her," Joey grins like the Cheshire cat.

"Okay good…and I’m just gonna…sit here…" Chandler leans back in the chair.

"She’s nervous about what Ross is gonna say," Joey announces after a couple moments of silence.

"Don’t blame her," Chandler snorts.

"Yeah…hey, didn’t Monica talk to him?"

"Yeah but he said he still needs to think some more," Chandler sighs.

"Okay," Joey nods and types a response back to Rachel. "Woah now she wants to know if we’re still going to go out if Ross has a problem with us. I mean why not?"

"Well you have to see how that could be weird Joe," Chandler says sincerely.

"Yeah…"

"Hell I don’t know," Chandler sighs and gets up from the chair and walks to the kitchen. "Maybe the two of you should just elope and get hitched before anything he says could possibly drive you apart." He opens the fridge and pulls out a beer. He turns around as he opens it and notices Joey staring at him.

"What?" Chandler asks.

"What you just said," Joey mutters slowly. "Made some sense."

"What…" Chandler thinks for a moment. When he realizes just what Joey is talking about his eyes go wide. "Oh Joe no I didn’t—

"No I mean it makes a LOT of sense…" Joey muses to himself.

"No Joey you can not take what I just said seriously," Chandler says hurriedly. "I don’t know what I’m talking about! I’m lucky Monica agreed to marry me, I really shouldn’t be giving out marriage advice!"

"Rachel did just ask what else we should do…"

"No Joey I will not let you type that!" Chandler bolts towards the laptop but Joey’s already clicked the send button. "Oh my god what have you done!"
"I dunno," Joey admits. "I took a shot."

"You REALLY have to stop doing that."

Both of them stare at the computer screen for about five minutes, awaiting Rachel’s response.

"Is she still on?" Chandler asks finally.

Joey types hello and clicks send. Almost mockingly the message that NYDesignerDiva has signed off appears on the screen.

"Oh my god what did you let me do!" Joey shouts.

"I LET YOU DO!" Chandler shouts, backing up. "I didn’t let you DO ANYTHING!"
"Yes you did!" Joey half whines half yells. "You gave me the idea!"

"I didn’t think you’d take my idea!" Chandler protests. "No one takes my ideas, they always suck!"

"Oh my god what have I done," Joey moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Look don’t worry," Chandler says. "We’ll fix this…I dunno maybe we can play it off as a joke."

"Woman don’t take proposal jokes lightly, Chandler," Joey grumbles. "God you are lucky Monica married you!" Chandler shrugs yeah and Joey gets up to pace nervously in his living room.

Chandler hits himself in the head as he starts frantically thinking how he can rescue his friend from a surely messy argument.

But before Chandler can voice any of the stupid ideas running through his head the door to Joey’s apartment flies open and Rachel storms in, slamming the door behind her.

"Excuse me Chandler," Rachel says in a mockingly polite yet angry tone. "But I need to talk to my FIANCE alone for a moment."

"Good luck pal," Chandler mutters to Joey and bolts from the room, leaving Joey alone with a very intimidating Rachel.

"Look Rach, let me explain…" Joey starts feebly.

"Yes Joey please, explain to me why I was just proposed to over the Internet, this should be good," Rachel says hurriedly, hands on her hips.

"Well it was really Chandlers idea—

"CHANDLER’S idea? Chandler thought we should get married?"

"Yes."

"So YOU don’t want us to get married."

"No, no, of course not!"

"Oh so you don’t want to marry me?"

Joey shuts his eyes and wishes against all hope that the floor would just tear open and swallow him whole.

"Yes I do!" Joey shouts. "But…I think maybe I said it at the wrong time, I don’t know…"

"You don’t know if you want us to get married," Rachel says in an inquisitive tone.

"No I mean…I know I would like us to be married, but I don’t think you would like that, and…oh god just kill me now!" Joey moans and puts his head in his hands.

Rachel stands still for a moment watching him then walks up to him, taking his hands and pulling them away from his face.

"Do you know where to get a minister in short notice?"

TBC…

ENDNOTE: This does not mean Joey and Rachel are going to get married. It does not mean they aren’t either. I don’t know which way to go cause either way I’m high Alternate Universe and someone’s gonna not like this fic anymore. But if you have a vote, an idea where I should go, drop me a line in the review! I’ll probably go by majority. ;)