Author: Toni McIntyre

Title: The One with Regrets 4/?

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Joey and Rachel decide to keep a secret…but it doesn’t last very long with the help of Clint Eastwood.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Joey or Rachel or I certainly would be doing things differently! Anyway, I also don’t own the song The Rose that I use in this fic. I dunno who that belongs to, but all you need to know is it’s not mine.

Note: Very excited about upcoming episodes, very happy. Damn Olympics though.

The One with Regrets 4: Three Words Change Everything

************************

Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
and you its only seed.

************************

Rachel sighs and pulls the blanket further around her. She shudders slightly at the momentary meeting of skin and cold morning air but sighs in content after she manages to wrap the blanket over her. She takes a deep breath and digs her heels into the mattress, revealing in the feeling of the soft sheets and the warmth of the covers.

She used to bug him about how badly his sheets clashed with his blanket but now she realizes why he fought so hard for his ill-coordinated bed trappings. They really were comfortable, soft and warm all at the same time.

Rachel—her eyes still closed—let her hand travel down to her own waist where she felt his arm wrapped around her. She smiles to herself and rests her hand on top of his.

Joey is spooned behind her, one arm around her waist and the other resting under his head beneath his pillows. Rachel’s hair has fanned itself out across her own pillow and is gently tickling his chin, one of the many movements that begins to wake Joey up. The first one being Rachel getting more comfortable against him. He lets out a held breath and pulls Rachel closer to him. Her hair smells wonderful as he nuzzles his head in to the back of her neck.

"You awake?" Rachel asks softly.

"No," Joey lies.

"Joey," Rachel laughs.

"Think of it this way Rach, the longer we pretend to be asleep the longer we avoid facing anyone," Joey says simply.

"Good point," Rachel agrees. She turns around and hugs him close. "Joey we can’t spend the whole day here though."

"Yeah…I know," Joey admits with a sigh. "But I don’t know how ready I am."

"Ready you are?" Rachel asks. "For what…us?"

"Well…yeah," Joey whispers and sits up, Rachel following him. "I mean…even you have to admit this is scary. You…me…no one ever thought we would be like this."

"Certainly not me," Rachel admits.

"But it can’t be all that bad or you wouldn’t have come back last night," Joey points out.

"I had to come back Joey," Rachel smiles at him. "I mean…when you realize how you feel about someone you can’t spend the night alone with a pint of ice cream…you have to act on it somehow."

"Yeah," he nods. "God am I glad you came back."

"Yeah me too," she smiles and Joey kisses her deeply. Her hands travel around his waist as he rolls on top of her and they lay back on the bed.

A door slamming outside breaks the next in a long line of passionate kisses and the two frown at each other as they wonder in unison who could be outside.

"Joey? Joey!"

"Oh my god it’s Ross," Rachel gasps. "He can’t know I’m here, he can’t find out about us like this."

"Okay, okay, I’ll handle it," Joey says quickly and climbs off of her. He grabs his bathrobe and ties it quickly over his T-shirt and boxer shorts and leaves the bedroom.

Ross is standing in the living room looking at a magazine obviously left by Rachel during the move since it seems very unlikely Joey would voluntarily own a copy of Fit Pregnancy.

"H-Hey Ross," Joey says, closing the door behind him.

"Oh hey Joe, listen have you seen Rachel?" Ross asks.

"No…why?"

"Oh it’s just that I woke up this morning and she wasn’t at home," Ross shrugs. "I mean she mentioned she wanted to go in town and buy some stuff for the baby…"

"Well maybe that’s where she is!" Joey says all too quickly.

"Uh…yeah, maybe," Ross says slowly. "Joey you okay man? Y-you look nervous or something."

"Oh…uh…well," Joey leans in towards him and whispers. "I kinda got a girl here."

"Oh…OH!" Ross smirks. "Enough said, man, I’ll go. I kinda figured that’s where she had to be but if you see her can you tell her to page me?"

"No problem," Joey assures him.

"Okay, see ya," Ross says and leaves the apartment.

Joey lets out a huge sigh of relief once the apartment door is shut behind Ross and a second later the door to his bedroom opens and Rachel steps out. She’s borrowed one of his other bathrobes, a fuzzy green one that goes well with her hair and Joey thinks fleetingly how sexy she looks wearing his clothes.

"He’s gone?" Rachel asks, even though she can see it herself.

"Yeah," Joey nods and turns to her. "Oh and by the way I’m supposed to tell you to page him so he knows you’re okay."

"Ugh, I knew I should have left a note or something last night," Rachel sighs. "But…my mind was elsewhere."

She looks up at Joey who smiles from ear to ear.

"God you know what that smile does to me?" she asks, grinning herself.

"What this smile?" Joey asks coyly. "Don’t know what you mean."

"Come here," she laughs to herself and pulls him to her, kissing him deeply.

"Rach…what are we gonna do?" Joey asks after they part. He holds her close to him, their foreheads touching.

"I don’t know," she says honestly. "I don’t know much right now…about what this could mean."

"I know I want to be with you," Joey murmurs.

"Oh god…" Rachel whispers, tears welling in her eyes. "I know I want to be with you. But for now we’re gonna have to keep this a secret."

"Rach—

"I know, you hate secrets. I know…but for now," Rachel whispers. "Just for know, okay?"

Joey sighs and looks into her wide green eyes. Those eyes broke all resolve left in his body.

"Yeah…okay…"

*************************

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin'
that never learns to live.

*************************

"Oh god what movie did you rent?" Chandler moans as the three girls come back into the apartment.

"Why, you don’t trust our taste in movies?" Phoebe asks, swinging the bag from Blockbuster almost mockingly in front of him.

"No…not really," Chandler says simply.

"Come on guys what did you get," Ross asks.

"Okay…" Monica digs into the bag Phoebe’s holding and pulls out a movie box. "Bridges of Madison County!"

Ross, Chandler and Joey all let out collective groans at the girl’s choice.

"That is SUCH a chick flick!" Joey complains.

"Well it does have Clint Eastwood in it," Rachel offers.

"Does he blow anything up? Arrest anyone?" Joey asks.

"Well…no…"

"Then it doesn’t count," Joey says.

"Oh it’ll be fun, just watch the movie," Rachel says and playfully hits him upside the head. Joey rubs the back of his head but smiles at Rachel as she moves into the kitchen to get the popcorn. They had managed to keep everything a secret for a week. One whole week, it surprised Joey, he never thought he’d last a day let alone a week.

Rachel comes back and hops onto the couch next to him and next to her Phoebe takes her place. Chandler and Monica get a seat on the floor and Ross is lounging in the chair to the left.

"Why do I get the floor?" Chandler complains. "It’s my apartment."

"Our apartment," Monica corrects. "And this way you get to sit next to your wife and hold her when she starts inevitably crying at the end of the film."

"Which I would enjoy a lot more if we were on the couch."

"Chandler…"

"Okay, Fric and Frac?" Ross asks, remote in hand. "Be quiet, the movie’s about to start."

Ross presses play and the group of friends become silent as the movie starts. Rachel’s holding the popcorn and every time Joey reaches for some his fingers brush against hers, causing Rachel to smile. The two go on like this for most of the movie.

When the end comes and Monica is in deed sobbing rather loudly, Chandler puts a supportive arm around her like the good husband he lets show only for her and cradles her against him. Phoebe hands Ross the tissue box as he seems to be crying more then she is. Joey’s forcing down tears by biting his lip but he can see Rachel letting her own tears run freely down her face. Joey reaches over to rest a hand over hers but Rachel quickly recoils, for the sake of appearance, even though everyone else’s attention is on the movie.

Joey looks at her and Rachel simply shakes her head and Joey brings his hand back bitterly to his side as he watches the credits appear on the screen.

Phoebe gets up a moment later to turn the lights on and Joey’s frown grows deeper.

"Hey Mon I think your brother permanently left tear stains on your chair," Phoebe points out.

"Ross!"

"I was NOT crying! That’s my…soda…"

"Oh that’s even better!"

Joey ignores Monica’s ensuing shouts at her brother, under which any other circumstance he would have gladly watched, but instead retreats to the kitchen. He goes into the fridge and pulls out a beer.

"Joey?"

He turns around to see Rachel, still holding a big purple bowl with popcorn.

"What?" Joey asks, a little more sharply that she would have liked.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

"Oh yeah, I’m fine," Joey shrugs and marches past her.

"Don’t lie to me, Joey," Rachel mutters through her teeth. "What’s wrong?"

"Oh nothing, nothing," Joey slams his beer down on the kitchen table and gets the attention of his other four friends still in the living room. "Nothing’s wrong with me! It’s just that for the first time something good happens and I’m not supposed to tell anybody! I mean, I’m Joey…I don’t fall in love!"
"Joey, I just don’t know how to deal with it!" Rachel says desperately.

"Maybe you don’t want to deal with it," Joey states simply.

"What?" Rachel asks, surprised.

"Yeah, you said you were scared before," Joey says loudly. "Maybe you’re so scared you don’t know how to deal with any of this."

"I am not scared—

Joey makes a snorting sound and Rachel glares at him.

"What was THAT?"

"That?" Joey makes the sound again. "Oh I dunno."

"Joey I am not afraid of us!" Rachel proclaims.

"Then prove it," Joey says simply, walking up to her. "I’m going to say something really stupid and how you deal with it is going to prove it."
"What?" Rachel frowns at him.

"I’m going to shout it in fact, saying it doesn’t give it the force it deserves…"

"Joey what on earth—

"I love you!"

A collective gasp comes from the living room as Phoebe drops the glass she’s holding and Monica covers her mouth in shock.

Joey; still filled with a rush of adrenaline from the words he’s just shouted is practically shaking in front of Rachel. Rachel, who’s eyes are gradually filling with tears, more then the ones she shed for the stupid movie where Clint Eastwood doesn’t even shoot anybody.

It takes her forever to remember how to speak, and when she does, her voice is cracked and full of emotion.

"I love you too."

It was the answer he was looking for and he closes the gap between them in two strides and sweeps in to kiss her full on the mouth. They’re mouths meld perfectly and their limbs wrap around each other’s bodies.

They seem to forget that there are four other people standing in the living room watching them lock lips…but they don’t seem to care either.

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been too long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong.
Just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.

TBC…