"I’m never gonna tell her."

Chandler’s mouth drops and he stares across the counter at his forlorn looking friend. Monica had told him to stay with Joey for a while, since everyone noticed the lack in his attitude since Rachel moved out. In fact the only two people seemingly unaware were Ross and Rachel: the two underlying issues.

"Are you serious?" Chandler asks slowly, dropping his chopsticks into the Chinese food carton.

"Yeah," Joey says, not looking up from his pint of Lo Mein.

"You’re just going to die here horrifically depressed?" Chandler demands.

"Chandler!"

"No, I mean, come on Joey!" Chandler stands from the stool, his voice raising slightly. "What are you saying?"

"I’m saying I’m NEVER gonna TELL HER," Joey says firmly, staring up at Chandler from his hunched seat.

"You’re just going to bury all those feelings?" Chandler asks, placing his hands on his hips almost mimicking his wife.

"Well…yeah," Joey thinks for a moment then nods. "Yeah, I’m just gonna…do that, bury ‘em. Sounds like a plan."

"Joey," Chandler sighs.

"Look can we just NOT talk about it?" Joey asks desperately tossing his chopsticks aside. Suddenly he doesn’t seem very hungry.

"Okay," Chandler murmurs and takes his seat. "I just have to say though, it’s mighty big of you."

"What’d you say Sheriff?" Joey asks, mocking Chandler’s choice of words.

"It’s big of you," Chandler says again, rolling his eyes at Joey’s subtle zing. "To…you know…do this so she and Ross can have the baby together without anyone else in the way."

"So you agree with me?" Joey asks softly.

"NO!" Chandler shouts, waving his hands. "I think it’s the dumbest idea you’ve ever had! This is worse then the Cat Washing service!"

"Hey leave Meows and Pals alone," Joey says defensively, pointing harshly.

"I had claw wounds for DAYS!" Chandler shouts.

"So what’re ya SAYING?" Joey whines.

"I’m saying this is worse!"

"Then why’d you say that before?" Joey asks.

"What before?"

"The whole ‘big of you pardner’ thing?" Joey asks, making quote signs with his fingers.

"It’s reverse psychology!" Chandler shouts, getting to his feet again. "Obviously it’s CRAP!"

Four hours later the door slams to Monica and Chandler’s apartment and a very exhausted looking Chandler shuffles inside, running a hand through his hair.

The door to the bedroom instantly swings open and his wife walks out wrapped in a fuzzy blue bathroom.

"Chandler?" she asks, walking up to him. "God what time is it?"

"Eh, lost track somewhere around one thirty," Chandler shrugs.

"God you were still with Joey?" Monica gapes.

"No hon I had a sudden urge to rush out and buy breakfast at…" Chandler looks at his watch. "THREE in the MORNING!"

"What were you two doing at one in the morning?" Monica continuous like she hadn’t heard Chandler.

"That’s when the best Porno is on," Chandler says simply and Monica raises and eyebrow. "Not that I would know that NOW…"

"Well how’s he doing?" she asks.

"Horrible," Chandler says flatly. "He’s not Joey. He wouldn’t look at the porn, he only at TWO cartons of Lo Mein—

Monica gasps.

"I know!" Chandler says, frustrated. "I mean I’ve never seen him like this! He’s a zombie."

"Oh god poor Joey," Monica whispers. "And Rachel hasn’t a clue."

"No," Chandler sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Come here."

Monica sighs and falls into his arms, holding on to him tight.

"I just hate seeing him like that," Monica murmurs.

"I know me too," Chandler admits softly into Monica’s hair. "I wish I could do something."

"Me too," Monica agrees. Then, slowly, she looks at him. "Well…maybe we can."

"What do you mean?" Chandler asks, his eyes narrowing.

"Well maybe if Rachel just happened to find out…"

"Monica!" Chandler moans. "No! You can’t tell her!"

"Well why not?" Monica asks, stepping out of Chandler’s embrace to put her hands on her hips. "Joey’s miserable! Tell me you don’t want to stop that?"

"I do Mon," Chandler insists. "But Joey made all of us promise to say nothing and he’s stuck in this stupid idea that if he buries his feelings for Rachel everything will turn out okay. I can’t convince him otherwise right now, Monica, but I’m sure as hell gonna try. But we can’t violate his trust by going and telling her!"

"Yeah I know, you’re right, of course, but…" Monica pouts. "I hate it when people are sad!"

"Oh come ‘ere," Chandler sighs and Monica falls into his arms again.

"Joey?"

No answer…huh…

"Joey!" Phoebe calls out again, sticking her head further into the door of the apartment. She looks around but can’t see him anywhere. Puzzled, she walks into the kitchen, shutting the door behind her. As if reacting to the sound, the duck and the rooster emerge from the bathroom, making noises and waddling towards Phoebe.

"Hey guys!" Phoebe says cheerily. "You know where Daddy is?"

The duck—almost eerily understanding—flaps his wings hurriedly in the direction of Joey’s bedroom.

"Thanks!" Phoebe smiles and walks past them to the bedroom door. "Joey?" she asks, rapping on the door softly. "Joey come on! It’s one o clock, bay watch is on!"

The door opens slowly and Joey’s standing in front of Phoebe dressed in a flannel robe and gray sweats, his black hair is pointing in all different directions and he has dark smudges under his eyes.

"Hey," he grumbles.

"Oh Joey, you look horrible," Phoebe says softly.

"Thanks Pheebs," Joey rolls his eyes.

"No I mean…er…bay watch is on!" Phoebe says happily, trying to pull some emotion from the lump in front of her she’s pretty sure used to be her friend.

"No thanks Pheebs I’m just gonna go back to sleep."

Phoebe gasps loudly and the duck behind her starts pumping it’s wings in distress.

"What?" she asks, her voice shaking.
"I’m gonna go back to bed," Joey says again.

"Joey come on!" Phoebe begs. "You can’t do this!"

"Do what?"

"Become this unfeeling lump!" Phoebe says. "It’s WRECKING your aura!" She sighs, disappointed. "And you had such a GOOD aura!"

"Look Phoebe I’m fine okay but thanks anyway," Joey insists, tired.

"Well if you’re not going to listen at me at least look at them!" Phoebe points to the rooster and the duck. "They’re so worried about you!"

"Nah," Joey shakes his head. "They’re just hungry I’ve kinda forgotten to feed ‘em."

"Oh my god!" Phoebe grabs her head in distress.

"Phoebe, no, I’m kidding," Joey assures her. "I would never forget to feed them." He pauses. "Myself on the other hand…"

Phoebe just sighs and shakes her head dejectedly.

"Hi guys!" Rachel announces cheerfully, walking into Monica and Chandler’s apartment where the two are sitting down to lunch.

"Hey Rach," Monica smiles. "So how are things with the new place?"

"Uh, okay," Rachel shrugs. "I just never realized how absolutely anal Ross was about his stuff."

"Well that’s because before you were dating him," Monica says. "You had a girlfriend blind spot about a mile wide."

"I understand completely Rach," Chandler says. ‘When I got my new apartment I had to get used to the fact that when I walked away from a glass of water by the time I came back it would be washed, dried and back in the cabinet."

Monica rolls her eyes, "And that is why we bought you those cute little coasters that say ‘I’m still drinking this’!"

"Okay…" Rachel says slowly, staring at the married couple.

"Hey guys," Phoebe says, walking into the apartment. "God Joey is so misera…" she turns and spots Rachel. "…bly happy!" She smiles wide and Chandler slaps his hand to his forehead. "Hi Rach!"

"Hey Pheebs," Rachel says. "What about Joey?"

"Oh nothing, he’s fine, perfectly fine," Phoebe says quickly, giggling. "Just fine!"

"Uh…okay," Rachel says, raising an eyebrow at Phoebe. "Well I’m going to go over and say hi."

"Okay Rach," Monica says and Rachel leaves. As soon as the door is shut Phoebe lets out a huge sigh like she’s been holding her breath.

"That was close!" Phoebe proclaims and Monica and Chandler simply look at her, eyebrows raised.

"Joey?"

Rachel walks into the apartment, slowly; much like Phoebe has only minutes earlier. This time, however, Joey is in plain sight, sitting in his chair watching PBS on the TV.

"Joey?" Rachel calls again, smiling. Joey turns in his chair to face her.

"Oh…hey," he says weakly, spinning back around quickly, leaving Rachel puzzled about his brief and somewhat rude welcome.

"Whatcha doing?" she asks, attempting to get him to talk more.

"Watching TV," he shrugs.

"You’re watching A Love Story?" she asks, raising her eyebrows at the TV.

"Yeah it’s where they follow this couple," Joey mumbles. "And they’re romance and…stuff…there’s nothing else on."

"I know what it is," Rachel says. "I’m more surprised that you know what it is."

"Yeah it’s okay," he whispers. "But I-I’ve seen this episode already."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah…they break up about a week later," he sniffs then shouts at the TV. "And I really THOUGHT they were GONNA MAKE IT!"

"Oh honey it’s okay," Rachel says soothingly, patting his arm. Joey instantly recoils and Rachel frowns again. "What’s wrong?"

"N-nothing," he lies. "I-I’m tired, I’m going to sleep," Joey says before launching himself out of the chair and into his bed room, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Oh…okay," Rachel whispers before falling into Joey’s chair with a sigh. She closes her eyes and breathes deep. The chair’s still warm and it kind of smells like him. She never realized how much she would miss him when she moved out.

But she did. She missed him so much it hurt.

PART TWO