Rachel: Okay, Ross, Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay? We tell each other everything. You know, I mean, come on! Guys do the same thing. I mean, what about that locker room stuff?
Ross: That's different, okay? That's like, uh, "who dated a stripper?" Or "who did it on the back of the Staton Island Ferry?"
Rachel: Both of those Joey?

Phoebe: Monica, do you want us to take you home?
Monica: Uh-huh. Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away.

Monica: Has somebody been drinking my fat?

Rachel: You guys, does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?
Phoebe: I don't know, you might be the first one.

Chandler: Monica? I think you've gone over to the bad place.

Joey: Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is: You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
Chandler: Oh my God! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!
Joey: Look at me--I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando!

Rachel: Come on. Oh! And, uh, by the way...
Ross: What?
Rachel: I'm going commando, too.

Chandler: Okay. Well, Janice said, "Hi, do I look fat today?" And I, I looked at her....
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa! You looked at her? You never look. You just answer! It's just a reflex: Do I look fat? No! Is she prettier than I am? No! Does size matter?
Rachel: No!
Ross: And it works both ways.

Monica: Lips moving, still talking.

Phoebe: What? He's not still following her. Do you think he's still following her?
Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.

Ross: Are you intrigued?
Chandler: You're flingin'-flangin' right I am!

Monica: I gotta go to work. Has anybody seen my left boob?
Joey: I love that movie.

Monica: Oh wait, you know what? I got it, I got it! Pretend like you just woke up, okay? That'll throw her off. Be sleepy!
Rachel: Yes, and grumpy!
Chandler: What are you... stop naming dwarfs!

Monica: How can you not remember? You made us call you Bea.
Ross: Oh... God.
Susan: I've literally never been this happy.
Monica: Wasn't there a little song?
Carol: Oh please God, let there be a song.

Chandler: Does anyone else think David Copperfield is cute?
Monica: No, but he told me he thinks you're a fox.

Monica: It's beautiful! It's like the first bathroom floor there ever was. Whoa! What are you going in there for?
Chandler: What, like a number?

Ross: What? You don't think I'd go up to her?
Rachel: Ross, it took you ten years to finally admit you liked me.

Chandler: ...and this actor guy, who I'm not sure about, because when he called and I answered the phone, "Chandler Bing," he said, "Whoa, short message."

Ross: My marriage, I think my marriage is um, is kinda over.
Phoebe: Oh no! Why?
Ross: 'Cause Carol's a lesbian--and, and I'm not one. And apparently it's not a mix and match situation.

Ross: Hey--when you guys were kids and you played Happy Days, who were you? I was always Richie.
Monica: I was always Joanie.
Joey: Question. Was, ah, "Egg the Gellers!" the war cry of your neighborhood?

Chandler: Okay, well if this bed isn't new, then how come there's plastic on the mattress?
Monica: Sometimes I have bad dreams.

Phoebe: No thanks, I have a good [dentist], too. I just... I can't see him.
Chandler: See: that is the problem with invisible dentists.

Joey: If the Homosapiens were, in fact, "Homosapien", is that why they're extinct?
Ross: Joey, Homosapiens are people.
Joey: Hey, I'm not judging.

Monica: Losers walk!
Ross: Yeah? losers talk!
Chandler: No, no, no, actually, losers rhyme.

Ross: Cheater, cheater, compulsive eater!

Chandler: You hear that? That is her truth, Mr. I'll-let-you-have-her! I win! You suck! I rule all! Mini-wave in celebration of me!

Chandler: You know what? It doesn't matter, because she picked me. Me! From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching Ready, Set, Cook!

Monica: You broke a little girl's leg?
Ross: I know. I feel horrible, okay.
Chandler: Says here that a muppet got whacked on Sesame Street last night. Where exactly were you around ten-ish?

Joey: How many of these did you have? These are pure vodka!
Chandler: Yeah, Jello just like Mom used to make.

Phoebe: A stripper at a bachelor party, that is so clich�. Why don't you guys get a magician?
Chandler: Well, if the magician can open my beer with his butt cheeks, then alright.

Ross: What are you doing?
Chandler: Making chocolate milk. You want some?
Ross: No thanks, I'm 29.

Ross: Hey, I have clothes. I even pick them out. I mean, for all you know, I could be a fashion... monger.

Monica: Oh, can I borrow this? My milk's gone bad.
Chandler: Oh, I hate that. I once had a thing of half and half--stole my car.

Rachel: Ross honey, this is very nice, but, but I...I got a crisis.
Ross: Yeah, but I've got Couscous!

Monica: Can I have a tissue?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, sure. I just hope you don't accidentally suck it up through your nose and choke on it.

Phoebe: Oh, I knew something had to be wrong, because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday.

Chandler: You know what this is like? This is like when my parents got divorced. Man, I hope Ross doesn't try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.

Joey: Yeah, it's never taken me more than a week to get over a relationship.
Monica: It's never taken you more than a shower to get over a relationship.

Carol: You slept with another woman?
Ross: Oh, y-you're-you're one to talk.

Monica: What's "pleh"?
Joey: That's "help" spelled backwards, so that the helicopters can read it from the air.

Phoebe: No, no. Oh, I'm fine with the age thing, ya know, until it starts sticking it's tongue down my little brother's throat.

Ross: I can't see anything with the door closed!
Chandler: And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.

Ross: Sorry I, uh, I scared you in there.
Monica: Oh, that's okay. By the way, I was just... checking the shower massager.

Phoebe: Whoa whoa whoa! You guys, do you know anything about chicks?
Chandler: Fowl? No. Women? ...No.

Ross: Sorry. 'Cause, um, I think this will make you a little more sophisticated.
Rachel: Sophisticated like a hooker?

Rachel: Okay, you'd tell me the truth, right?
Ross: Rach, you can't look fat in an x-ray.

Joey: Hey, wouldn't it be cool if our duck and chick had a little baby? We could call it Chuck.
Chandler: Or... Dick.

Chandler: Do you think there's a town in, uh, Missouri or some place, called Sample? And, ah, as you're driving into the town there's, like, a sign, and it says, "You're in Sample"?

Joey: Yeah, maybe it's, like, ya know, that jock thing. You know, how football players pat each other after touchdowns.
Rachel: You know I don't... I don't understand guys. I mean I would never congratulate Monica on a great stew by, ya know, grabbin' her boob.

Monica: I'm never gonna find a boyfriend again. I'm gonna die an old maid.
Chandler: You're not gonna die an old maid. Maybe an old spinster cook.

Chandler: Hi! I'm Dorf, your date for the evening. Oh, come on! Dorf On Dating, that's good stuff!