How to Flirt
Here are a couple of tips for flirting for both girls and boys. Enjoy them!
Approach everyone you meet with a smile. Look people in the face and show them you are happy to meet them. Let your face show that you are interested in what people are saying.
When talking to a guy/girl, make sure you have good eye contact. Don't stare! But don't even look all around the room making other person think you're looking for someone more interesting to hang out with. Let him/her know with your eyes that he/she is the person you would most like to be talking to.
Listen. Everyone loves to be listened to. Listening is a true art, and the best conversationalists all have great listening skills in common. Your flirting partner will be drawn to you if you master this simple skill.
Show your interest in what he/she is saying by asking for more details. Asking questions proves you have been listening, and sends the message that you find him/her interesting. We do find this very flattering, don't we?
When talking, lightly touch his/her arm when you're making a point or laughing at something he/she has said. Don't overdo it, just a few times in a conversation is enough to send the message that you like him/her. If you have chemistry with a him/her, it'll be figured out fast just from the touch of your fingertips.
Be Confident. People are automatically drawn to other people who have confidence. Confidence radiates like the sun - others can sense when you have it.
A sincere compliment can go a long way toward making a your crush feel good around you. Notice the word "sincere" and no flattery like butter. Pick something about him/her that you can compliment sincerely - try to pick something that's not the most obvious, such as his/her nice skin or his/her long eyelashes. These kinds of compliments are the best, because such compliments does show that you've really noticed him/her.
Take Compliments Gracefully - How you take a compliment sends a strong signal to guys. The best response is always a simple "Thank you."
A neat trick for getting up close with a guy you like is to speak to him quietly and softly, so he'll have to lean into you to listen.
It's much easier to approach a guy/girl when you are surrounded and protected by your friends. But it is not hidden that even most guys get nervous in front of an audience. Even if you are out with a friend, separate yourself every once and a while to approach a guy you like and say hi, or just to walk past him. A guy might like you but not want to interrupt you and your friend's gab session.
Use Your Friends' Eyes. Get a friend to watch while you walk past a group of guys, then fill you in later on who checked you out.
< Everyone likes being around someone who doesn't take life too seriously. Be playful and light-hearted. Don't cover your mouth when you laugh. Let everyone see you enjoy having a good time!
>Give your crush some clues that you like him/her. There are many ways to do this. In a conversation with your crush, mention casually that you are not going out with anyone. Mention places you miss going to or a movie you really want to see. Talk about things you know both of you would like doing. The goal is to let your crush know that if they ask you out, you are available. Keep it casual. By doing this, you also let him know what kinds of places you would enjoy going on a date (just in case he was wondering!).
Hang out where your crush goes. Find ways to spend more time near him during school, after classes or after school. Join clubs he belongs to. Make friends with his sister or her brother. The more chances you make for him/her to notice you, the more likely he will. You will also get more chances to flirt. Plus - bonus - he/she'll figure you both have a lot in common if you are always hanging out in the same places.
Go out of your way to find ways to be nice to the guy you like. Make room for him at your lunch table if the cafeteria is crowded. Help him with homework. If he's alone, get him to join you and your friends so he has company. Show him what a sweet, caring girl you are!
Negativity is the enemy of flirting. When talking to your crush, don't whine about what's wrong with your life, how bad you look or how disappointed you are that you didn't make the school play. That is No Complaints. Instead, focus on something positive - what a nice day it is, how excited you are about an upcoming event, how glad you are that you two finally got a chance to talk. A positive attitude from you gives him the "welcome" sign.
Don't Gossip as if you engage in gossip with a guy you like, you might leave the unfortunate impression that you gossip about everyone - including him. He's not going to open up to you if he thinks you're the kind of girl who'll be blabbing everything he says to the next person you talk to. In fact, guys often complain that girls gossip too much - it's a real turn-off for them. Have only nice things to say about others, and your crush will be impressed by your positive, friendly attitude.
Never take flirting too seriously. The best flirts are girls who can do it without expecting anything to come of it. Guys love flirting with girls who seem like they could get anyone they want. Develop that attitude! Try to think of flirting as an enjoyable activity in itself, without always worrying about the final result. It's kind of like shopping - you can have fun cruising the mall and trying on clothes, even if you don't end up buying anything. Of course, your ultimate goal is to score "the perfect outfit" - but don't be in a rush, or you'll scare off guys by seeming desperate. Practice flirting with guys you aren't that interested in, and soon you'll be able to flirt with the guy you adore and still seem casual.
If he/she is trying to make you laugh, it's a good sign that he might be interested in you. Don't forget to appreciate his effort! Don't be insincere and laugh at everything he says. Just don't be shy about laughing. If you naturally see the humor in his jokes, he'll enjoy being around you.
Touching your hair while talking to a guy sends him the subconscious message that you're attracted to him - and you don't have to say a word. Twirl a piece of hair around your finger while talking to your crush, or pause every few minutes to slowly sweep your hair back off your face.
Leave Him Wanting More - The first few times you talk to a guy, be the first person to end the conversation. When you feel like it might be winding up, or after a few minutes of one-on-one talk, break away by smiling. This makes you seem in demand, and not desperate to talk to him. Bonus: if you're a bit nervous about flirting with him, it takes the pressure off you to keep it going.
Don't wait for guys to flirt first. Teenaged guys are notoriously shy about talking to girls, even girls they like! Make the first move. Chances are, he'll appreciate not having to move first and be flattered that you want to talk to him. 95% of teen guys says they love it when a girl makes the first move.
Throw a glance at a guy who interests you. Then, as soon as he turns to meet your look, immediately lower your eyes. Wait a second and then look back up at him and smile sweetly. He'll get the message! This is a flirty move that guys say they pick up strongly as a signal you're up for conversation with them.
Try to leave a good impression. When you are leaving a party or a group of people where you met a new guy/girl, take a moment to go over and tell him/her you enjoyed meeting him/her. If you can't remember his/her name, use that as a reason to talk to him/her again before you leave!
For advanced flirters, this is one of the all-time classic flirting tricks. When you're in a conversation with a guy, ask him if you can tell him a secret, then lean in to his ear and whisper a sincere compliment.
This one is an old-fashioned one. And although it is classic, flirting staple hardly ever fails! Walk past a guy you like, making eye contact with him and giving him a nice smile. Then just when you're passing him, drop something (a book, your bag, whatever). If he's at all interested in you, he'll bend down to help you pick it up- and voila! There's your opportunity to start chatting.
Creating opportunities for your crush to "help" you will give him a confidence boost and make him feel more comfortable and assured around you. Pick something you're sure he's good at, like helping you practice a part in a play, showing you how to stretch before running, getting your car started, or solving a problem. Try to get his help in one or the other way, again don't overdo it.
If your crush is standing behind you, look over your shoulder- and smile at him. This flirtatious move is always a signal you are interested.
At a party, in a group of people or even at school, look over at the guy you like, smile and give him a quick wink! Just be sure to follow the Primary Rule of Winking: W.O.O. ("Wink Only Once"). Winking once is a cute way to signal interest, and he'll go crazy wondering if you really did it - a good thing. Remember...just wink once.
Inside jokes are great for creating a bond and making it easier to connect when you see him again. Does he drink a lot of cola? Call him "sodapop." Does he talk about his car constantly? Call him "hot rod." Make sure it's something flattering or funny, and not anything you'd be embarrassed to say again when you see him in the hall. The goal of this flirting move is to create an inside joke between you and your crush.
Where to Flirt?
Flirting is although casual but still there are certain best places to flirt with people.
Parties
Flirting is most socially acceptable at parties, celebrations and social occasions/functions, that is any kind of social gathering. At some such events (e.g. Christmas/New Year parties) a degree of flirtatious behavior is not only socially sanctioned, but almost expected.
Drinking-places
Flirting is also socially acceptable in some public settings, usually where alcohol is served - such as bars, pubs, night-clubs, discos, wine bars, restaurants, etc. One survey showed that 27% of British couples first met their current partner in a pub, and alcohol was voted the most effective aid to flirting by respondents in the Martini Flirting Survey.
Flirting in drinking-places is, however, subject to more conditions and restrictions than at parties. In pubs, for example, the area around the bar counter is universally understood to be the 'public zone', where initiating conversation with a stranger is acceptable, whereas sitting at a table usually indicates a greater desire for privacy. Tables furthest from the bar counter are the most 'private' zones.
Learning-places
Schools, colleges, universities and other educational establishments are hot-beds of flirting. This is largely because they are full of young single people making their first attempts at mate selection.
Learning-places are also particularly conducive to flirting because the shared lifestyle and concerns of students, and the informal atmosphere, make it easy for them to initiate conversation with each other. Simply by being students, flirting partners automatically have a great deal in common, and do not need to struggle to find topics of mutual interest.
Flirting is officially somewhat more restricted in learning-places than in drinking-places, as education is supposed to take priority over purely social concerns, but in many cases the difference is not very noticeable. Taking a course or evening class may in fact provide more opportunities for relaxed, enjoyable flirting than frequenting bars and night-clubs.
Workplace
At work, flirting is usually acceptable only in certain areas, with certain people and at specific times or occasions. There are no universal laws: each workplace or working environment has its own unwritten etiquette governing flirtatious behavior.
In some companies, the coffee machine or cafeteria may be the unofficial 'designated flirting zones', other companies may frown on any flirting during office hours, or between managers and staff, while some may have a long-standing tradition of jokingly flirtatious morning greetings.
Careful observation of colleagues is the best way to discover the unspoken flirting etiquette of your own workplace - but make sure that you are guided by the behavior of the most highly regarded individuals in the company. But again the best bet would be not to flirt during the working hours. Try to keep it from working hours.
Participant sports/hobbies
Almost any participant sport or hobby can involve flirting. The level of flirtatious behavior, however, often tends to be inversely related to the standards achieved by participants and their enthusiasm for the activity.
You will generally find a lot of flirting among incompetent tennis players, unfit swimmers, etc., but somewhat less among more proficient, serious, competitive participants in the same activities.
Spectator events
Although they have the advantage of providing conversation topics of mutual interest, most sporting events and other spectator pastimes such as theatre or cinema are not particularly conducive to flirting, as social interaction is not the primary purpose of the occasion, and social contact may limited to a short interval or require 'missing the action'.
The most striking exception to this rule is horseracing, where all the 'action' takes place in just a few minutes, the half-hour interval between races is dedicated to sociability, and friendly interaction between strangers is actively encouraged by racecourse etiquette. In fact, one recent research on the behavior of race goers indicates that the 'social micro-climate' of the racecourse makes it one of the best flirting environments in Britain.
Whom to Flirt With?
Although flirting is not serious and it is not intended to be taken seriously, it is still not for everybody. One should be careful with whom and when to flirt.
Flirting for fun
At one level, you can flirt with more or less anyone. An exchange of admiring glances or a bit of light-hearted flirtatious banter can brighten the day, raise self-esteem and strengthen social bonds. Flirtation at this level is harmless fun, and only the stuffiest killjoys could possibly have any objections.
Clearly, it makes sense to exercise a degree of caution with people who are married or attached. Most people in long-term relationships can cope with a bit of admiration, and may even benefit from knowing that others find them or their partners attractive, but couples differ in their tolerance of flirtatious behavior, and it is important to be alert to signs of discomfort or distress.
Research has also shown that men have a tendency to mistake friendly behavior for sexual flirting. This is because they tend to see the world in more sexual terms than women. There is also evidence to suggest that women are naturally more socially skilled than men, better at interpreting people's behavior and responding appropriately. Indeed, scientists have recently claimed that women have a special 'diplomacy gene' which men lack.
This means that women need to be particularly careful to avoid sending ambiguous signals in interactions with married men, and men need to be aware that married/attached males may misinterpret friendly behavior towards their wives/girlfriends. Otherwise, light-hearted flirtation is both harmless and enjoyable.
Flirting with intent
But flirting is also an essential element of the mate-selection process, and when you are 'flirting with intent', rather than just 'flirting for fun', you need to be a bit more selective about your choice of target.
In mate-selection flirting, there are two basic rules about who to flirt with that will increase your chances of success and reduce the likelihood of embarrassing rejections.
1. Do initiate flirtation with people of roughly the same level of attractiveness as yourself.
This will give you the best chance of compatibility. Most successful marriages and long-term relationships are between partners of more or less equal good looks. There is some leeway, of course, and other qualities are also important, but statistically, relationships where one partner is much more attractive than the other tend to be less successful. Studies have shown that the more evenly matched partners are in their attractiveness, the more likely they are to stay together.
2. Don't flirt with people who are unlikely to return your interest.
Even if you are not looking for a long-term mate, you will enjoy flirting more with someone who is interested in you. So it makes sense to approach people who are likely to see you as at least a possible partner, rather than those likely to dismiss you as unsuitable.
In the How to Flirt section, you will find tips on how to tell immediately, even from across a crowded room, whether someone is likely to return your interest or not.