Your anger
Today you scolded me so much
With so many harsh words, and violent blows.
I really had very few answers
To these questions, I think, nobody knows.
You know what I'm going thru’ ?
I’m sleeping awake and choking on a dream.
My mind’s been warped and twisted
Listening loudly to this silent scream.
I am on a pyre, alive but dead.
Look at the invisible blood I’ve bled
All alone burnt out in the fire
In this blowing wind, the ashes sifted.
Don’t you know the reasons behind?
Don’t you know why I smoked?
How this fag has been my only companion
How it was with me till I choked?
No one here, whom I can call my own
The only one, too, would soon be gone.
I smoked to forget the pain, but
It caused more pain to the only one.
I thought, this was the last time
That I’d would quit smokin’.
But as the countdown began,
It just shattered this dream.
It destroyed all those dreams
It caused a hurricane inside
To forget the agony, I lit those sticks.
Without caring, ‘bout how they burnt me inside.
I know you are right
You think of my well-being
You show so much care
That’s why, my heart you did win.
But this pain is killing me
Its a prison, God let me out.
I just wanna come out of this
But nonearound to take me out.
I am trying to hide the pain and carry on
The daily routine has been a key
But I’m trying to show what I’m not
And what I am pretending to be.
You know how my heart aches
When I think about you.
How you’d leave a void in my heart soon.
When from my life you go.
I know you are right
In what you say, you always are.
But without you around, I eel so much pain
Without you, my life would be bare.
You know how I stay awake
Throughout the nights, thinking of you.
Of those golden days, I reminisce
When I used to be with you.
Have you noticed anything
I’ve stopped making delicacies
You know, why I’ve done so
‘Cause you’re in a regime of diet and exercise.
Beca’ I can’t think of doing
Anything that you can’t appreciate.
So I almost stopped making my choicest items
Because you are on a diet.
Except for the smoking,
I never did any such thing to you.
I know, I have hurt you badly.
But believe me, I never wanted to.
But I still have hurt you
And caused you so much pain.
I know how much you care for me
Now from my eyes the tears rain.
I am very sorry, my darling
I never meant it the way, I did.
Can I ask you to forgive this bad guy?
Who did not care for you a bit.
I can only say two words
I can just say ‘I’m sorry’.
Would you trust me and my words?
Would you please forgive me.
Because hurting you is so painful
It makes me feel so bad
The pain that I saw in your eyes today
Made me so very sad.
I would not promise anything
‘Cause, I have already broken once
I know, you’d never trust me on this
I plead you, please trust me for once.
I would definitely quit
I’d sincerely try to do so.
I’d quit smoking altogether
Before from here, you go.
But call me now and tell me
Whether you’ve forgiven me or not
It is giving me so much pain
Your love and care is all I’ve got.
20-04-2001 -- 0135 --0226