Am I selfish?

I search the cards

To see if I could find.

Something that’d say

Just what is on my mind.

There ain’t any,

That reflects my thoughts right.

For the card-maker doesn’t understand

What I want to write.

I find it tough

To try and write it down.

How I tell thou,

The thoughts of my own.

Today you told me many a word,

‘Bout your return, that I didn’t know.

I wanted to bare my heart to you today

Till the end, yet, I couldn’t show.

For I felt guilty,

Guilty of subduing you much,

You did a lot for me, always,

Your care has been such.

I was so selfish,

Always, for coercing you.

Things that went ‘gainst your wishes,

Yet, to make me happy, you had to do.

Without you by my side,

Days have been tough.

A road ahead of me,

That was always rough.

But forcing you to submit,

Was more difficult to bear.

I did not want you to return, thus,

The haze and pain, it never helped clear.

I did not want you to,

Change just for me.

What I always wanted was,

To show my care for, thee.

So do not come back,

If you feel forced to submit,

Just to take away my pain,

With me, you don’t have to meet.

Do it only if you,

Feel loved and cared.

A joy and happiness for you,

That’s doubled when shared.

My love, care and affection,

You must simply know.

Just how, I feel about you,

For with words and deed, I could never show.

07-01-2002