Stages of Separation

There is no denying that the military lifestyle, especially unexpected deployments, can disrupt the family unit. Feelings associated with separation commonly come in stages. As soldiers prepare to deploy and leave, military families may experience:

 

Denial, shock, disbelief, and numbness

Anger, frustration with preparation demands, guilty feelings about the spouse's departure, and resentment of the military, spouse, and job

Guilt for not saying or doing more before deployment, or the children may feel they caused the departure

Depression, intense sadness, fatigue, loss of appetite, and withdrawal from routine

Acceptance, realizing and accepting the situation, resolving to continue on positively, confidence in handling day-to-day living, awareness of increased self-esteem and personal abilities

Knowing these feelings are normal can help families cope. These stages occur in a universal order; however, a number of causes can trigger setbacks to previous stages.  Individual situations and types of deployment can influence the intensity and duration of each stage.

How to Manage Separation

Take good care of you, eat right, get enough rest, and plan some daily exercise

 

Treat yourself to a special outing, but stay within your budget

 

Try to set aside time to do something you enjoy everyday

 

Avoid trying to do everything yourself

 

Take advantage of military community support

 

Participate in programs such as Army Family Team Building (AFTB), Mobilization and Deployment, and Family Readiness Training

 

Contact family, friends, neighbors, and spouses of other deployed soldiers whenever you need practical or emotional support

 

Get involved in an activity, a hobby, a project, church, or volunteering. Volunteers may receive free childcare while doing their volunteer work

 

Talk about your feelings, doubts, and fears with a trusted friend, neighbor, co- worker, etc.

 

Seek professional help if you feel overwhelmed by your emotions or if you suspect that someone in the family is having emotional problems

 

Know at least three of your neighbors. You may need their help during an emergency. They can also be a wonderful source of day-to-day support

 

Prioritize what is critical; then pace yourself according to your own understanding of the way and the time you function at your best. Be realistic and kind to yourself

 

Find another military spouse in similar circumstances; time passes much faster with a friend

 

Do not try to please everyone. Learn to say "no."

 

Always have something to look forward to