THE NEW GODFATHERS
(il contrabandire di Santa Lucia)1978 Alfonso Brescia Italy
Starring: Mario Merola, Antonio Sabato, Gianni Garko, Jeff Blynn, Lorraine De Salle
Alfonso Brescia, the only man who makes Bruno Mattei look like Hitchcock, delivers a film that could only be described as "retarded"
opening in a confusing fashion with stock footage of vietnam protests and the Ayatollah, both of which have absoultely ZERO to do with this goofy turd, we soon move on to cigarette smuggler Mario Merola-Italy's answer to John Goodman. Mr. Merola not only stars in the film, he tortures us with singing a few songs on the soundtrack. the soundtrack by the way, also features a ridiculous vocal track with loud lyrics like "1 TO KISS YOU, 2 TO HOLD YOU. 3 TO LOVE YOU YEAH THAT'S WHAT I WANT!" awful. just awful
the goofy plot involves Merola, the cigarette smuggler, arguing with Sabato, the heroin smuggler over wether or not heroin should be allowed in the city, while cop Gianni Garko tries to bust both of 'em.
the film bouces from location to location, character to character with little if any concern logic. there's about 90 subplots, and waaay to much comic relief (the film's a fucking joke anyway) and the result is mainly a big headache. it's not even laughably bad as Brescia's earlier Knell, The Bloody Avenger...it's mainly just bad.
the poor man's Maurizio Merli, Jeff Blynn shows up for no reason at all, gets arrested, then leads cops on a car chase that mostly consists of footage from Colt .38 Special Squad. Euro fave babe Lorraine De Salle also has a nothing part where she just struts around poolside looking like one of your mom's sexy friends.
it's pretty rare that one can find a film so repungtantly crappy that you can't even laugh at it, but this is one. yet i'm such a masochist i have a tape all ready for the next time Miami Cops plays on cable.
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