Heaven In Your Eyes by Jair

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'You might think it's strange, but I know that you can fly.
I know you don't believe, but there's Heaven in your eyes.
And when you think you're not enough, just know that I do.
Even though it's inconceivable to you.'
- Leah Andreone

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Double Herbology with the Gryffindors had just ended, and Justin was packing up his bag in Greenhouse Two. It had been a trying class. Neville, who was normally very astute in Herbology, had been blundering and knocking things over the entire class. Of course, Neville always managed to knock things over, but today it seemed worse. Justin was going to say something about it, but when he looked up, Neville was already gone.

He shrugged, and was stuffing the last of his books into his bag when he noticed a small scrap of parchment sticking out of the top corner. Curious, he pulled it out.

Justin -
Please meet me on the Quidditch field at 9:00. Please be careful, and try not to get caught by Filch. I need to talk to you.
N.

N? Who was 'N'? Neville, of course. But what did Neville want with him? Was it worth getting caught both out of bounds and after hours?

A small voice in the back of his mind taunted him. What else were you going to do tonight? Study? Again?

I don't study that much, he argued back.

Only every night.

And it's paid off, too, hasn't it? Second in the year, only to Hermione. And a Prefect, to boot.

See? Even better. You don't even have to worry about getting caught. You can always say you heard a rumor, and blah blah you were checking it out, whatever . . .

That's dishonest.

But a good excuse.

Oh, shut up.

Besides, this might be your chance to let yourself in on the one thing all your precious studying has denied you.

Justin scoffed. Whatever.

You know it's true.

I do not need romance in my life. It's fine the way it is.

Who ever mentioned anything about romance?

I . . .

You only wish, Justin. You only wish.

So, it was with a sinking feeling in his stomach that Justin left the Hufflepuff common room at ten till nine that night.

I shouldn't be doing this. This is so wrong. I'm going to get caught, and . . .

Won't you admit what you're really worried about? Even to yourself?

That is what I'm worried about.

Whatever . . .

It was dark and moonless outside, but not without light, as several million stars blazed in the inky stretch of heaven that blanketed Hogwarts castle.

For a moment, Justin was breathless, doing nothing but staring at the sky.

Eventually, he tore his eyes away and picked out a path in the starlight, staying to the shadows where he could to avoid being seen. He reached the Quidditch field and checked his watch. Two past nine.

Well, he's not here. Might as well -

"Justin?" A soft voice drifted across the grass.

"Uh. Yeah . . . Hello, Neville."

"I was . . . afraid you wouldn't come." Neville shuffled forward, his head bowed. For the first time, Justin noticed that he was really not much taller than Neville.

"I'm here. But - "

"Do you want to go sit down?"

"Yes. Very much so, I think."

Justin expected Neville to turn towards the Quidditch stands, but instead he went around the other way, to a small wooden bench nestled between a pair of high rosebushes.

They sat, and shared an uncomfortable moment of silence.

"So." They both said, nearly in unison.

"No, you first," said Neville.

"You asked me out here," Justin replied. "What's on your mind?" What's so important that I'm out here risking detention to talk to you?

Why am I out here, anyway?

"Well, it's . . . I . . . for a long time . . . I've wanted to do this . . . but I never had the nerve, until today." Neville looked at him, his watery brown eyes reflecting the stars.

"Do what? Talk to me?"

"Yes, well, no. I mean, we talk all the time, but, never, you know. Alone. Together.

"Oh." Justin rolled that around in his head. Alone. Together. Together, alone. He was pretty sure he understood . . .

"And, well, I, there's something I wanted to tell you and I'm not sure how . . ."

"Neville, if you're nervous, well, what I find works best is if you just say it. And then it's over with."

"Yeah, but . . . I've wanted to say this for such a long time, and I want to get it right. And now that I'm here, with you, I can't even remember now, what I wanted to say."

"Just . . ."

"I love you Justin."

Justin's heart stopped. For a moment, the world refused to stand still. He looked up at the sky, only to see the stars spinning madly, streaking across the sky. Of all the things, he'd never expected this. Yes, he'd figured the moment Neville had asked him out here that he had a crush on him. That much had been obvious. But . . . the way Neville said it. So . . . earnestly. Trusting.

"You . . . don't?" Neville said softly. "I should've known! This was the stupidest, most ridiculous. . . "

"I didn't say that," Justin said, finally finding his voice again. I didn't say anything. "Forgive me. But it's a bit of a shock."

Neville nodded, looking forlorn.

Justin could feel his heart breaking for the boy.

"You must think I'm weird now . . . "

"I don't . . . "

"No?"

"No," Justin said firmly. "It's only that, well, I don't suppose I've ever thought of you that way."

Neville scoffed. "Why would you? Nobody does."

"You shouldn't get so down on yourself . . . "

"Everybody else does."

"They shouldn't. You're a really nice person. You go out of your way to help your friends. You're a wonderful person. And maybe I don't know you all that well, but that's what I see."

"You think so?"

"Yes."

They sat in another, more awkward and painful silence this time. Finally, Justin said. "So, is that, well, all you wanted to tell me?"

He instantly regretted it. It came out as the most callous, heartless . . . "Oh, yeah. That's all," Neville said angrily. "Like discussing the weather!" He stood up, and started walking away. Justin leaped up and followed him, grabbing his arm from behind. Neville shook it off, and broke into a faster walk.

Justin, determined to keep up with him, followed suit. "Neville . . . " He implored.

"Forget it. Just forget it. What would a snotty, rich know-it-all like yourself - " He never got to finish. He tripped over his own feet and fell headlong into the grass. Justin, who had been following closely, came down soon after.

For a moment, both boys could do nothing but lay in the grass, looking at the stars.

"I'm sorry," Neville finally said.

"No, you shouldn't apologize. I was the one . . . "

"But . . . "

"No. It was stupid of me, really. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"I know."

"It's just that, well. It's all a bit of a shock, you understand?"

"I know. You want to hear something funny? That wasn't even what I wanted to tell you tonight."

"Really? What then?"

"I...never mind. It's stupid."

"No, no. Tell me."

"It's...everything I say is..."

"Please?" "I was going to tell you that, well, you're the most wonderful person I've ever, uh, met. That . . . this is so embarrassing. That you . . . that, when I'm sad, and alone, the thought of you makes me smile."

"That you . . . love me?"

"I do, I think . . . " "You just said so, back there, and, honestly, if you had told me all that, I would've come to the same conclusion."

"Oh."

"And well, I don't know how I feel about you. I've, well, like I said. I've never thought about you that way."

"Could you?"

"Think about you that way?"

"Yeah."

"I . . . think. But I'm not sure."

"Don't you want to be sure?"

"I don't know. I've never . . . "

"Because I'm a boy?"

"No! It's not that . . . it's just . . . " Justin contemplated the cluster of stars in his direct line of sight for a moment. "I've never thought about anyone like that. Never had time for it, I guess. And I just don't know."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't."

"That doesn't answer my question . . . " "I'm well aware of that," Justin was aware of something else. The soft whisper of grass as Neville's hand found his own in the dark. Neville's fingertips were warm against his skin. He made no move to pull his hand away.

"So?"

"'So', what?" Justin was getting confused.

"Are you going to answer my question?

"I . . . don't know."

"Why not? It's...really simple, you know. Yes or no."

"What was the question again?"

Neville propped himself on an elbow in the grass, and in the process pulled his hand away from Justin's. He was surprised momentarily by the coolness of the breeze, and the utter closeness of Neville. "I asked...if you wanted to be sure if you wanted to think about me that way or not."

"Oh, yeah."

"Yeah, as in, 'you want to be sure', or . . . "

"Yeah, as in, 'Oh, that's what the question was.'

"I was afraid of that."

"I...I'm sorry. I just don't know. About anything anymore. Life is just so...uncertain. You never know where you're going to be the next day; what you're going to be doing. I'm sorry."

"I know. Or at least I thought. I knew that I would be happy if I spent every 'next day' with you. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you're right. Maybe we all 'don't know.'" He made a move to get up.

I don't know why, but I don't want him to leave. "Wait!"

"What?" Neville asked, crouching in the grass. "I thought you didn't know."

Justin sat up. "I don't."

"Then why . . . "

"Because I think I might want you to help me find out."

Justin again saw the stars reflected in Neville's eyes. He looked deeper, finding himself there as well, a very confused look on his face.

Kiss him, idiot.

For once, Justin didn't argue.

Their kiss was brief, and when Justin pulled back, he saw a very worried look on Neville's face. His eyes were dark with uncertainty, but still reflecting tiny points of light. A small smile formed on Justin's lips.

"W - What? That was . . . what's so funny?"

"I just . . . it's nothing."

"Tell me. I kiss funny, don't I? I knew it! And now . . . "

Justin put his hand on Neville's forearm. He noticed it was trembling slightly. "It's none of that, don't worry. Besides, I can only guess that we're doing it right. It was my first time, too. But I was just wondering . . . "

"What?"

"Well, why don't you smile more?"

"Now?"

"Ever."

"I don't know . . . why do you say that?"

"Well, gosh. This must sound silly, but. Your eyes. I can't imagine why your eyes don't make you smile."

Even in the dim light, Justin could tell that Neville was blushing. "I . . . let me show you what makes me smile, Justin."

And he leaned forward for a second kiss. Justin was more than happy to comply.