Bluegray by Jair

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"Percy...you don't have to."

"Nonsense, Justin. I want to be there with you. How long has it been? A year now?"

"Well, yes." But, Percy. You don't understand. It's something that I think I might want to do alone...

We sit in the living room of the Burrow, on the sagging green couch. I love nothing more than what we're doing right now. You hold me in your arms like you'd never let me go. And I know you won't.

Especially on a day like today, when a thought like that means the world to me.

I've only been here since yesterday, and I never want to leave. The Burrow has been more home to me in one day than my own house ever was in fifteen years. Here, everything doesn't revolve around Gabrielle and her care. Not that I don't miss her, don't love her. I just don't know her anymore.

And, of course, Mother. When I told her about Percy and I...I suppose I should've expected as much. One abnormality heaped on top of all the others...

But I'm sure she was more than glad to get me out of the house for the entire summer. I don't care. I'd rather be here.

Percy, I love your mother more than my own. The way she treats her children's friends...like each one of them was a member of her own family. It made no difference, when we told her. She cried, all right, but they were tears of happiness.

"Justin?" You say. I love the way I can hear your voice and feel it at the same time. How it starts as a deep growl somewhere in your chest but comes out soft and sweet. I absently trail a finger along your jawline, down to your neck. You lightly take my hand and hold it.

"Yes?"

"I've been thinking. Maybe you should go alone..."

"I don't want to be alone, I don't think. I...want you there with me...if I should...er. Need you."

"Why don't I come with you, then, and...wait for you? You should really spend some time alone..."

You're right. I've put this off far too long.

"But if you need me, just come to me. I'll be waiting there for you."

"Okay." You never need to tell me that. But I melt when I hear it.

"Should we go now?"

I'm reluctant to leave your embrace, but I say, "Yes."

"There are some nice flowers in the garden. I know Mum wouldn't mind."

We untangle ourselves, getting up, and walk out of the house into the bright sunlight. I find some delicate yellow pansies, and I pick a few. We duck back into the kitchen to say goodbye to your mother, and her eyes brighten with tears as you tell her where we're headed. She pulls me into a motherly hug, and I shudder for a moment.

I haven't been hugged like this since I was ten.

It makes me want to cry, but I don't just yet. I will have cried sufficiently by the end of the day, I'm sure.

~~~~---~~~~---~~~~

Percy embraces me, now. Pulls me fiercely to his body and I revel in his warmth. His life. He runs his hand gently through my hair, which is blowing in the breeze.

"I'll be right back," I tell him.

"Take your time."

I slowly climb the grassy knoll, the flowers clutched in my hand. The sun is warm on my face. I shiver. As much as I want to do this, need to do this...

It brings back all the painful memories.

I crest the small hill, and there it is. The thing I've been dreading to see.

Cedric Diggory
Good. Kind. Brave.
We love you, son. We miss you.

I reach out a trembling hand and touch the gray, nearly black, stone. Pink crystals wink back at me in the sunlight. But it is cold. A small sob wells up deep in my throat and I only just manage to still it.

I love you, Cedric. Still. I kneel in the soft grass and lean back on my heels. "I miss you," I say softly, and the words are carried away by the wind.

I wonder for a moment if Percy hears, if he somehow feels as if he means less to me, for this.

But I know he doesn't.

"I...hope you don't mind, Cedric," I say almost sheepishly. "Percy and I...we're in love. I've never been happier. And..." I wish you were here to see me happy...

I blink away the tears and they drop silently into the soft grass.

"It's...truly remarkable, Cedric. How the love of another human being can make the old hurts fade away. I--It'll never be gone. Not completely. I'm not so foolish as to believe that. But it all...fades into the background..."

At least for a time.

I place the flowers at the foot of the cold stone. Pansies, for remembrance.

Yellow. Bright and falsely cheerful against the black of the headstone. Hufflepuff colors. Our colors.

I close my eyes, feeling the tears leak out through the trap of my intertwined eyelashes.

"You were the one who taught me how to love," I whisper. "I'll never forget you for that. I will always love you. Even if you never loved me back. At least...not in the way I'd wanted. But, you were like a brother to me. I..."

I'm sorry, Cedric. I don't know what else to say. What else there is to say?

I feel you then. Or I think I do. Like a feather-soft touch, somewhere deep in my heart.

You don't have to apologize, Justin.

I gasp. For a moment, it was as if you were there. I could've sworn I felt your breath, warm on my neck.

"Ced--Cedric...I...gosh..."

You don't have to say anything.

"I...m-m-miss you," I blurt out, my lower lip trembling terribly. I bow my head, and the next thing I know, Percy is kneeling next to me. He pulls me close and I clutch him to me, the tears flowing freely now. He rests his chin on top of my head and rubs my back, just letting the pain leak from my eyes.

"It's okay, Justin. It's okay..."

And even through the tears, I know he's right.

"I love you, Justin."

It's awhile before I can answer. I finally manage to reply, "I know. I love you too, Percy."

"Do you want to go back to the house, now?"

"I think...that would be...yes."

I pull away from him, yet remain in his arms. He brushes his fingertips against my eyes, wiping away my tears. Always so gentle. We sit in the grass for a moment, staring into each other's eyes.

I love his eyes as much as I know he loves mine. There's such warmth there. Love. A soft blue-gray...they're gray around the pupils, then blue on the rims. And this...impossible blend in between. The place where I always get lost. Trying to find out where blue becomes gray, or when gray turns into blue.

The way that you're the blue...and I'm the gray.

"The way we meet in between..." I whisper quietly.

"Justin?"

"Sorry. I was just...let's go, Percy."

"Yeah, okay."

Percy helps me up off the grass and takes my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine. His hands are so strong. They feel so large compared to mine. I touch the fingers of my free hand to my lips and then to the headstone. "Good bye, Cedric," I say.

"Good bye," Percy echoes. And softer, he says, "Thank you."

Hand in hand, we walk back down the hill.