| *Happy music plays* *Comes walking in* Greetings one and all. I have come to thee on a good mission. To write yet another ramble. Which...on this website, is only my second actually planned ramble. Alas, this ramble is to educate all those rambling-wannabes..or those who wish to learn how to do this for the first time. *Plays Trainspotting tune that is on as Renton teaches us how to quit drugs cold turkey.* For this, you will need the following: 1) One reason to do a ramble. Be it to pass the time, or you have something you feel passionate. Need to get something off your chest? A ramble is a great way to do this. Clear your thoughts and put them on paper. Or my purpose is to educate those around me in Ewanism and myself. And to entertain, of course. But a very important note. Do not make a ramble on the terms of a deal. Or you are left with nothing. And you think...aw shit...what do I do?!?! This only leads to more stress as in my case...I was given a damned time limit. *imitates Ashley* "Pchaw, it has to be done before school starts...whatever..." So, next, I considered the following step in writing a ramble. 2) One topic for a ramble. This doesnt matter, really. Chickens, evil cheese, it just doesn't matter at all! Or in my case, absolutely everything works. Remember in choosing your topic...you dont have to stay on topic the whole time. This little tip gives the ramble it's whole feeling. You 'ramble' on about something and all things related or otherwise to this. It's not a little 'chitchat over a spot of tea'. No. You can have tea. But no chitchat. I'm sorry. *takes away the kettle of tea* 3) The ability to talk about nothing, really. Now, THIS is what I'm especially good at. I'm not quite sure whether this is a gift or a curse. If I want to annoy the hell out of people it's a gift. But if I'm trying to get to a point, this only proves to be a curse. Now, you must use this power for the forces of good..not evil.. I'm still undecided as to where I stand. *thinks* Nope..still don't know. 4) Lobsters...8 tails of...and Pasta 16 bindles of. This is not required for the ramble, but hey, if you like seafood and pasta..WOOHOO!!! 5) Ewan McGregor...one sexy lad...there's only one in the world, so I'm sure you won't get him mixed up with some other bloke....Preferably delivered to my door. If there is any mishandling or taking advantage of shite happening here, I will hurt you. And Air Mail..first class. No kennels or cages. He can sit in a seat..have a drink and read a magazine. Maybe take a nap if it's a long flight and he's tired. But he must be in good spirits when he arrives. No grouchy scots will be staying here. Although I do know a little trick to cheer them up... So once you have all of this, jolly good stuff...meaning numbers 1,2 and 3...put together, you can write yourself a ramble! Now, if I were truly a nice person I would wish you luck. But that could possibly drive your motivation into writing rambles superior to my own! Or maybe you now have a large ego and are going to tell me that you can write a better ramble than me without even trying...and if that's the case.. A) Your head is so big it's going to explode when I poke it with this pointy pencil..*evil grin* or B) I need to smarten up and start writing better senseless jargon. Alas, I come to the end of my lesson...have fun writing rambles, or have fun reading mine...either way works for me!!! And remember these famous words... THE GREAT STEFFINI WILL RETURN.... |
| Steff on How To Write A Ramble, Take 1 |
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