| *Crocodile Hunter theme song...if there is one..and if there is, I don't know what the hell it is..* Ahoy there mate!!! This is the Ewan Hunter here, and you're in for a big surprise because I've got a huge adventure lined up for ya! After hours of tracking and research, we think we've pinpointed the location of the grand daddy of them all... *dramatic silence* Ewan McGregor!!! Why don't you come along and we'll go get him, eh?!?! *runs to the truck and starts to drive* Alright, we've been using infrared lights and helicopters, tracking his movements all over! *slows down and points out the window* CRIKEY!!! Lookee here! These are rare tracks right here!!! *leaps out of the truck and crouches next to a tire track* This is the track of a Ducati motorcycle. And by the weight distribution, we've confirmed that this is, indeed, the track of Ewan. *someone shouts from the truck* CRIKEY!! It sounds like he's only a short distance away! We'll proceed on foot, as it seems like he's stopped for a short break in his migration pattern. *starts to slowly run along* All right...we're getting close. I can hear the trademark Scottish accent drifting on the breeze. *the sound of a scottish accent singing flows over the bend* Just a bit closer... *inches towards the Ducati* Look at this beauty! *touches it* This is how the elusive Ewan travels around, just look at the dent he's left in the seat!! *pets the seat* A real beaut. Now, let's come over here... *dashes to a set of footprints* Right here...we have the actual tracks of the Ewan McGregor.These are definitely fresh.. *is given a rifle, loaded with tranquilizer darts* So, now, if we can get a clear shot..*Ewan steps out from behind the bush. Careful aim is taken and the gun goes off* Got him! *Several swear words are heard, shouted out as Ewan feels the dart in his rump. He tries to move back to his bike, but falls over, the tranquilizer taking effect* Let's get over there right away!!! *Runs over, dropping the gun* Wow, this is a magnificent breed right here.. The most gorgeous one I've ever seen! I mean, I've seen pictures..but they're nothing compared to the real thing.. *Ewan twitches on the ground, muttering incoherently* Now, if you look here.. *lifts up lips to reveal teeth* He has some mighty fine teeth, but they also hold the telltale signs of smoking.. BAD EWAN!!! *scolds. In his drug-induced state, Ewan merely grunts to try and get away* Whoa, looks like i got a little bit too aggressive around the fella. It's ok... *pets his head slowly* Now, we need to make sure the big snapper is healthy. *grabs his hands and inspects them* Nice, strong hands..I certainly know how I would want to use them... *lifts his shirt up* Well, well, well...this big boy has been working out.. *rubs his chest and stomach* Seems healthy, in shape. But that's what i expected from this one, as he is one of the more migrational Ewans. Gets around. That's not saying he's a player so to speak...no, he's a loyal male, sticking with one mate for his life. *rolls him onto his side for where the dart is sticking out* And here...we have to take this out to prevent infection. And make sure that nothing is in the wound.. *examines his butt to be certain everything is ok* Yup..there certainly is nothing wrong here...nothing at all... *gives a nice pat on the uninjured buttcheek* He'll just have to be a bit careful about how he sits after he comes out of it, is all. The next thing we're going to check on this beauty, is whether he is still capable of mating. Now this is very important, as I dont want to send out an injured Ewan back into the wild. *follows proper zipper undoing procedures to not harm the legendary Old Chap and inspects closely* Well..from what i can tell...he's in perfect working order. Nothing faulty from just a visual inspection. Hands on is a different show..hehe.. *does pants back up and pats his head again* This is such a rare find. It's hard to track this fella down, let alone be able to see him in person. *Stands up and is ready to leave him* Now, remember, if you find this guy out in the wild, DON'T TRY AND PET HIM...he is liable to have bodyguards or an agent onhand to deal with you. If he's in a good mood, as I think he is right now *Ewan groans* Then you may be able to approach him with caution. But any sudden movements and this snapper could bite. And as much as i know you would want that... just dont. He'll be fine, the sedative will wear off shortly, and he'll be back up, riding his motorcycle like nothing happened!! OH! Before i forget! *digs in pocket and pulls out a small tag and a little holepunch* We need to mark him, and in a few months, ill track the bugger down again and see how's he's doing! *Uses the little device on his left nipple and he grunts in pain* Didn't hurt him a bit... Ok...we're clear to go now.. *returns to truck* Wasn't that exciting? To find the elusive and sensual Ewan McGregor in his essence!! CRIKEY!!! Join us next time, when we find him a few months later and chase him through the sets of one of his movies!!!! |
| Ewan Hunter |