Hello. Time to rant. I truly don't think that women and men will ever really understand each other. But perhaps we can help you by writing this little article for your entertainment. We have combined our brain power (which, to warn all of you, truly amounts to just about nothing) to give you an article from the two points of view. That is to say, we will be giving you the (completely differing) male and female views on one subject. Today's topic: men and their oh-so-fragile egos.
Thank you for that lovely introduction. As my partner stated, the male ego truly is a delicate thing. We are raised by society to be dominant in everything we do, competitive to a fault. This explains the phenomenom known as sports. Men are so competitive we'll sometimes do nothing more than cheer with all our might; if our teams win, we get an unmistakable air of confidence. Well, the truth is, men are the simple ones. Females, however, are conundrums no human with a Y chromosome could ever solve. Especially those teenage ones.
But hey, the only way we can learn about each other is through questioning. So let's get started.
Men. Bah. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em. Sucks to be a girl, right? Especially since they can get so sensitive about their egos. I mean, what's with having to ask a girl out? I mean, come on ladies, admit it! We can see it coming. Hardly anyone is ever really surprised. Half the time we're just waiting for it and planning what we want to say. "Yes" or "no." Simple. Easy. But Jesus, it does get tiring after a while. I mean, God! What's so hard about asking a girl out?
Well, I'll have you know asking a girl out is one of the most difficult things a boy can do in his life, next to winning the tour de france and doing the starburst trick. Psychologically, there is so much involved with the action. First, there's a pre-courting period, where you butter the girl up, make her comfortable around you, and basically make her like you. When you feel you've accomplished this task (which can take weeks, even months sometimes!), you get ready to ask her out. The process must be sleek and perfect. You have your plan...and then something goes wrong. She said relationships confuse her. Is that a hint? (oh boy, let's not start on hints) Panic sets in. Maybe you need to wait longer. Maybe Mike's brother's girlfriend's cousin's dorm roommate really didn't hear the girl say she liked me! What's a boy to do!!! Then, you sit yourself down and remind yourself of that special something. I'm a man. What are you doing, you have your dignity! So you suck it up and get ready. Pulse racing, hands sweaty, you spit it out. "So, wanna go see a movie tonight?" She said yes! Woohoo! Hallelujah, there is a God! Then comes the date. Do you pay? Do you watch a scary movie with her, or is that pushing it? Do you put your arm around her? Do you buy her diet soda, or will she take that as you finding her fat!?! Well, you make it through the movie. Then comes the walk home. You open up to each other, spend an hour talking about your favorite 007 movies and your first kisses. Then you reach her house. You walk her to her door. The ultimate moment of truth. The make or break of the entire night. If you kiss, it was a date, you're home free, you've got yourself a girlfriend. But if you don't? What if we don't!? You panic again. Then, she does what girls do best. She leans over, with a twinkle in her eye and shimmer on her face, and you kiss. And all was well.
So why is asking a girl out such a big deal, you ask? That's why, pretty much.
The main thing that men don't realize, I think, is that the girl is working just as hard the entire time. It's more than just batting eye lashes and looking nice for the guy we like. Sometimes it doesn't work, sometimes it does. That's part of it. What makes it so hard, that is. I mean, especially when we're ot sure whether he likes us or not. I mean, you're pretty sure... maybe he might. Sue said he may have told her best friend's boyfriend's brother, after all... But you don't want to come off too pushy.
That can really make a guy not like you. Believe me, I've done it way too many times. And then there's the waiting. I mean, you're waiting and waiting for this one guy to finally ask you out, and sometimes it takes so long you get really frusterated and start to doubt whether or not he really likes you. And you can't ask him out because then you look REALLY pushy and that can hurt his ever-so-fragile ego. Which is definitely a no-no. And the whole time the guy is worrying about what he should and shouldn't do, so are we. Should I kiss him? Should I let him do it? What should we talk about? Oh man, I just said something really dumb... now what? Should I let him brush my hand? How close should we get? Ack! Has my hair gone haywire?
The point is, all men and women are doing the same thing at the same time. And if we were all just freaking OPEN about our feelings, we wouldn't put each other and ourselves in such agony all the time. So, in general, this entire thought is completely usless. But we hope that it has made a few of you smile, and if we're lucky, a few of you pissed off. That would be cool. Maybe it is even informative to some of you. But frankly, I don't care. So nyaaa. Think what you like about this article, but I sure as hell had fun writing it.
As did I.
Adios.
PS-- you all apply to this. All of you. Which is why people are stupid. And so are you.