Dear Mark McKinney,
I have the most pain-in-the-ass skin rash from this new mattress I bought? Well, actually, it�s not really a pain in the ass, more like my ankles. Oh� um�
Mark McKinney! You are my hero!
Have you ever heard those words before?
Liar. I shouted them at the top of my lungs on the evening of April 11, 2002� and, coincidentally, (that time) you were in earshot. That was the night you performed at the Oakdale Theater in Wallingford, CT� still don�t remember? Good, I�m glad. Selective memory is a great thing, eh?
The crowd was unreceptive, unresponsive� probably euthanised. In any case, I was extremely disappointed in them� you and your crew put on a fantastic performance, and you did NOT get the recognition you deserved that night. That�s why I shouted, so the heavens could hear, the line that had been racing through my head all night �
�I WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO ALL OF YOU!!!�
Oh, wait, that�s not right. You would have remembered if I�d screamed that from the audience.
Instead, �Mark, you are my hero,� passed from my lips. And I�m here to tell you why.
The Kids in the Hall have changed sketch comedy forever. They are the funny of Saturday Night Live (a million fold), the talent and presence of the most aggressively awesome stage actors of all time, the social message of a hundred Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher episodes (and driven home so perfectly with the use of humor). The Kids in the Hall were damn funny� only you were afraid to ask yourself why. Now, am I right or am I wrong � that�s the best kind of humor.
With each positively titillating passing rerun I face religiously (and have for the past two years of my life), I am more and more impressed with your comedic brilliance, acting ability, character definition and portrayal, and true gift for being funny. Who are we kidding? �I�m crushing your head has become a positive catch phrase of the AGES! Like a Monty Python one-liner, it echoes familiarly through the vacant brains of just about anyone who has had cable. Must be why I shelled out a hefty 25$ for a man�s t-shirt (that didn�t even fit me) bearing the slogan. Yeesh � you know it�s only because I love ya.
And I do. You�ve really changed my life. Because without you, Mark Mc-freakin-Kinney as one-fifth of the testosterone-bleeding, bumping-into-walls savvy, monster that is the Kids in the Hall, my life would be forever altered. I would not be (and this is true) so inspired to pursue comedy and film as a career, nor would I be inspired to try to write my own comedic sketches and develop my own off-kilter sense of humor as a consequence of your show which I indulged myself in. And my dream� that one of positive and liberal concepts for a better democratic future being infused into comedy and theater and video to reach a wide and receptive audience (aauughh� I can taste it right now)� that dream I would not be so inclined to follow, had I not you, sir, as an archetype.
You are my role model, my inspiration� my hero.
And I�m young. I still need guidance. So please keep doing what you�re doing as long as you can� for my own sake, dammit!
Ahh� you know, getting this off my chest sure feels good. But itching this RASH feels even better! Ha ha ha ha!
Mark McKinney, you are the scratching sensation to the rash of my soul.
Love always,
your adoring KITHie,
Caroline Savery
age 15
P.S. � I really do have a rash. But grossing you out is fun too.
Did I mention I stubbed my toe yestuday? Well, really� I�m fascinated by the pro-cess here! I�ll take a picture of it and send it to ya� *exaggerated wink*
You�ll know if it�s from me.