Zionist Animals
And now, a recreation of a discussion that was a pristine example of the sort of intellectual discussions that go on in the usenet newsgroup
talk.politics.mideast:
Muslim: "Filthy baby-killing Zionist animals!"
Jew: "Oh shut up you Arab cockroach."
Muslim: "Who are you calling cockroach you Jewish dog?"
Jew: "All of you are cockroaches, except for your prophet who was a pig."
Muslim: "You dare utter such blasphemy! No wonder Allah turned many of you into apes and swine!"
Jew: "Please, that story is a lie you son of a camel."
Yeah, it's a jungle out there, especially in the Middle East. Lions, tigers, and bears, oh my! Apparently the Monotheists are animals, and this is coming straight from the horse's mouth! Not to mention that, with the sort of anti-intellectual, sophomoric exchanges that take place, it is obvious that some of the more passionate fundies are no more creative than your average Orangutan.
Still, I think the root of the problem
is God himself. Recently, at least according to reports from P.L.O. owned television
stations, God, or Allah, turned Ehud Barak into a donkey, and this is not the
first time this sort of thing has happened! The Qur'an (surah al-Baqarah 2:65)
tells us that certain Jews who dared to break the Sabbath were turned to apes
and swine. There are other references to such things elsewhere in the Qur'an (al-Ma'idah
5:60, al-A`raf 7:166). While it's not clear what breaking the Sabbath entails
in Islam, one would think that those who suffered such consequences knew that
Allah was for real. Surely all those monkeys converted to Islam. As we can see
in the picture on the right, the man directly behind Barak has very simian features.
Could this possibly be a descendant of the very same Banu Isra'il who were
turned into apes many centuries ago? Regardless, Barak was rescued from by Israeli
Defense Forces, and later said "those people were crazy; they're animals."
Is this the last time this will happen? Only God knows, but one thing's for sure, the ahadith support the aforementioned theory that some of the formerly-Jewish monkeys converted to Islam upon feeling Allah's wrath. In fact, some of these monkeys were the only ones in Arabia keeping to Islamic laws and practices, like rajm, prior to the coming of Muhammad. Consider the following authentic tradition:
Sahih Bukhari Volume 5, Book 58, Number 188:
Narrated 'Amr bin Maimun:
During the pre-lslamic period of ignorance I saw a she-monkey surrounded by a number of monkeys. They were all stoning it, because it had committed illegal sexual intercourse. I too, stoned it along with them.
While the Western media is suddenly suspiciously
silent about the atrocities being committed by both sides in the Israeli-Palestinian
conflict, many Jewish and Muslim journalists are on the scene, covering all the
events that the Christians and the Atheists don't want you to know about. In reality,
Israeli and Palestinian local media is nothing more than a tool used to brainwash
the local people. Neither side mentions their own crimes; rather they only "cover"
the murder and mayhem the enemy is perpetrating. Who could forget, at the start
of the recent intifada, the CNN discussion/debate between Shimon Peres
and Saeb Erakat? While these men had been lying to their own people for several
days, they were now in front of the world. Peres said Israel was defending itself
against a militaty aggressor (men with stones?), while Erakat, in the middle of
his rant, made a vague comment that in that first week, over 200,000 people had
been shot (just a wee bit of an exaggeration). Both sides are doing horrible things
to innocent people, and only the working class is suffering.
Does Arafat confront the Israeli soldiers, or throw stones at men with machine guns the way he implores his people to do? Of course not. Arafat remains in one of his many palaces with his blond Christian wife (or maybe a male friend or two if the rumors are correct). And what about the Israeli soldiers? Are any of these men successful businessmen with millions of dollars? Or are these boys from working class families? What exactly are any of these people fighting for? Who is right? Who is wrong?
All the time we here at the FTMecca
get emails or guestbook entries from people accusing us of being Jews (hence our
numerous jokes about the Zionist conspiracy). Some of them bring wild stories,
possibly from an Erakat-like news source, about thousands being killed each week.
Obviously these people are not keeping up with the news (too fond of exaggeration
apparently). Israeli Defense Forces have killed approximately 300 people over
the past two or three months. I'm not sure why a true believer would be upset-
they all get to be martyrs for Allah. Hurray! Takbir! A trip straight to
a Paradise far more pleasant than the ghettos of Gaza. As far as our stance as
Atheists goes, Israel bites, and is pathetic. Are you all happy? That piece of
dirt isn't particularly dear to our hearts. We have no doubt that many Israelis
suffer from the same religious illness as Muslim fundos.
Still, we generally try to stay quiet on the issue, since, as Americans, we ourselves benefit from living on occupied land. If Native Americans wanted a major American city for their own (dare I say, New York?), the United States public would laugh at them. However, if they car bombed us into submission, maybe a few, including yours truly, would acknowledge their plight, and be in favor of trading land for piece. However, if your home was among the American "settlements" to be dismantled, would you still be in favor of the uprooting of communities? Think about it. Whenever I think about it, I imagine an Israeli standing behind me saying "yeah, shut up and mind your business you lucky bum." This analogy is one that keeps me grounded, and it is one that should keep others grounded as well. What would the Muslims do if the pre-Islamic polytheist Jahiloonytoonies wanted Makkah back? However, this does not take away from the fact that the Israeli state was set up in the name of religious imperialism.
Of course, the collective ummah
in Palestine is far from innocent. This is a group of people filled with fanatics,
fascists, and yes, animals. Swastika-flag waving Muslim Nazis are not exactly
innocent. Men who throw a defenseless man down to a mob that seeks to beat him
to death are surely not innocent. The PLO police forces that open fire in urban
areas are not innocent. Fighting soldiers is one thing, but car bombing civilians
is quite another. However brutal Israel may be, it doesn't excuse "pious" Muslims
for their grotesque behaviors, both in Israel as well as other parts of the world.
Again we ask, what are these people fighting about? What is the Jewish claim to Israel/Palestine? What is the Muslim claim to Israel/Palestine? Both are wholly absurd. The Jews feel that they deserve this land, because it is the will of some invisible tribal deity who lives just above the clouds. It is this provincial skygod's preference that Jews inhabit the land, so that they can write him notes at the Western Wall, and then repeatedly slam their heads against the stones of the wall in honor of mighty Yahweh. The Muslims inform us that this is not true. God does not want these things. The Jews, who are notorious for changing the words of Allah, have made this all up. Allah wants Muslims to be in the Holy City of al-Quds, and as proof, he sent an Arab prophet there on a flying horse! What could be more authentic than that?
For the Palestinians, the world might be more sympathetic to their cause if they didn't put so much emphasis on mythology. If the Palestinian authority truly wanted a democratic state, then much of the world will support them. However, if their plan is to set up a pseudo-theocratic dictatorship, it's not necessary; the Jews already run one. If God wants it a certain way, why even ask for help? Just fight it out, and the spectators will assume God is on the side of the tribe with the bigger guns.
Once again, a small boy is fighting a giant, and once again this small boy is using stones as a weapon. Then again, if Goliath had an M-16, he may have turned David's Yahoodi backside into Swiss cheese, and that would've been the end of Monotheism in Western Asia. Back then, allegedly, the Monotheists won, and now they're fighting each other. Well, the Monotheists can keep their "holy city." If they want to kill each other over some barren desert rat hole, so be it. But please, leave all us sane people out of it.
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