Top Ten Reasons to Convert to Islam

As compiled by the home office in Baluchistan:

(10) From whenever one could remember, wanted to end name in "Abdul-"

(9) Unsure of why everyone says there is a new "girlfriend" in Cell Block C, seeing as you are the only new inmate...  

(8) Have been training all one's life for the Hagar 10K, the seven circumambulation "Hokey-Pokey," ritual sacrifice, and throwing stones at the Devil- the Hajj quadrathalon.

(7) Wife beating just isn't the same when you have to have a conscience about it^[1].

(6) Hadith about Adam being 60 cubits tall brings back fond memories of other tall tales of childhood, like "Paul Bunyan," and "Jack and the Beanstalk."^[2]

(5) Because "Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior!" What? Oh, this isn't Shining Light Ministries? Masjid An-Nur? Well, in that case, Allahu Akbar! Ash hadu an....

(4) Lover of animals, find greater respect for the importance camels in Islam than in any other religion, as well as respect for talking ants. And women.^[3]

(3) Awaiting Allah's future payment for taking shahadah- the Playboy Mansion.^[4]

(2) Had a bad dream where killer pork chops were chasing you, Aladin and Genii came to the rescue. Clear sign from Allah to convert to Islam, or at least to stop watching so many Disney movies after ribs night...

(1) God- Allah- said so.^[5]

[1] - Islam is the religion for all times, all places, and all people.  Thus Allah wisely teaches us in the Qur'an how to beat women properly. 4:34- "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obediant, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly): but if they return to obedience, do not seek against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High, Great (above you all)."

[2] - Sahih Bukhari Volume 4, Book 55, Number 543:

Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, "Allah created Adam, making him 60 cubits tall. When He created him, He said to him, "Go and greet that group of angels, and listen to their reply, for it will be your greeting (salutation) and the greeting (salutations of your offspring." So, Adam said (to the angels), As-Salamu Alaikum (i.e. Peace be upon you). The angels said, "As-salamu Alaika wa Rahmatu-l-lahi" (i.e. Peace and Allah's Mercy be upon you). Thus the angels added to Adam's salutation the expression, 'Wa Rahmatu-l-lahi,' Any person who will enter Paradise will resemble Adam (in appearance and figure). People have been decreasing in stature since Adam's creation.

[3] - 27:18 "At length, when they came to a (lowly) valley of ants, one of the ants said:'O you ants, get into your habitations, lest Solomon and his hosts crush you (under foot) without knowing it.' So he smiled, amused at her speech; and he said:'O my Lord! so order me that I may be grateful for Your favors, which You have bestowed on me and on my parents, and that I may work the righteousness that will please You: and admit me, by Your Grace, to the ranks of your Righteous Servants.'"

[4] - Which is metaphorical for the last time! The pure dark-eyed houris represent the beautiful deeds a believer sends forward for themselves, for Allah forbid it means the throes of orgasm in the afterlife.

[5] - Yep. God said so. Which has to be the funniest reason of all, unless one is a epileptic or schizophrenic who actually thinks he is hearing God's voice...