al-Lisanun Pig-Latun Mubeenun
(The pure Pig Latin speech)
In the Name of Allah, Most Incoherent, with the Worst Lisp.
(1) alif-ay, am-lay, eem-may!
(2) Bear witness that there is no od-Gay other than Allah.
(3) He sends you a message that is in ure-pay ig-pay atin-lay, yet still you disbelieve!
(4) He created the blessed Faatima from a drop of emen-say, so that she might be an opponent for A'ishah.
(5) And she will be the goddess of the cows, as they will trust her, and her hand will protect you from mad cow disease, foot and mouth disease, evil eye, and other ailments from Shaytaan.
(6) And Allah wills that Faatimah will use the cows for warmth, a source of foot-wear, and food.
(7) She will eat the eef-bay, and it will give her gas, and we bring this news in a pure language that is not foreign, like those of your enemies.
(8) And now we switch:
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(9) And if you are truthful, bring a garbled message like this one we present before you.
(10) Give us many lines that speak of dates, and beatings, and flatulence, and the followers of the most wicked Charles Darwin.
(11) And if it is as miraculous as this politically correct recitation that is preserved on a heavenly tablet of aspririn, we will give you Faatima to do with as you please.
(12) And to the Submitter, say that Rashad Khalifa is in hell for accepting a hadith other than this hadith.
(13) And those who reject this updated revelation (PigLatun 3.0) will suffer a cruel fate much like the savage beatings we order our servants to inflict on their disobedient wives.
(14) If they doubt the specialness of this oh-so-special revelation, let them try to produce one that is more coherent, with a more beautiful flow.
(15) Surely they will be unable.
(16) And no person will ever duplicate the words of Allah, who makes the most sense, and has the most logical arguments.
(17) Proof that Allah exists is this recitation, as it tells you that it is from Allah.
(18) Proof that we are truthful when we say we are the one true flock of divine birds is found in the fact that we say so.
(19) This recitation is the word of God because it says so, and you know it is true when it claims such as God would never lie.
(20) He who disbelieves is a fool, b'ivrit a naval, in latin this is ad-hominem, and in al-lisanun pig-latun mubeenun every kaafir is an ool-fay!.
(21) Surely Allah's politically correct recitation is the easiest to understand, and it never repeats. (22) Surely God never repeats himself, and this recitation is easy for you to comprehend. (23) And when Salomon Reinach writes his "History of Religion," believeth not when he says this recitation has little merit; surely his book is the one without merit. (24) And be not swayed when he says that declamation, repetition, puerility, a lack of logic and coherence strike the unprepared reader at every turn; surely he is stupid. (25) Your most logical Lord refutes another infidel. (26) Your Lord gives the most beautiful message, and never once repeats himself. (27) Nor does He ever refer to Himself in the third person, as We are speaking directly to you, unlike the books that have been changed by the hand of man. (28) And there is only on politically correct recitation that is free of variation. (29) Allah did not do a good job of preserving the previous kitaab, but promises to protect this one. (30) And if there are variants, it is only because we willed it so, sending down many dialects, and a reading for both Pig Latin and regular Latin; akbir-tay! (31) And this is the pure recitation, in a single language, with a supernatural eloquence, that never repeats, that was preserved many days ago on a piece of aspririn in the sky. (32) Though your Lord preserved this pre-existing recitation many moons ago, we must also abrogate and correct, and assure you that this preserved on a stone tablet. (33) The abrogations were also written on a preserved tablet many moons ago. (34) Your Lord has sent you a message that is a clear and simple, so understand it and serve him. 