Kansas State
Board- No Place Like Home
by Ibn Hoja
I can only shower the Kansas Education Board with garlands of
praise for finally combating evilution, that godless communistic menace
to young people’s impressionable minds. The citizens of Kansas can
now rest safe in knowing that their fine sunflower state will experience
a dramatic decrease in the number of cowtipping tragedies as young people
will no longer turn into bovine-molesting, Darwin-spouting, lily-livered
lib’rals, with no respect or authority or morality whatsoever. Unfortunately,
though, there are yet still other “pseudo-scientific” theories promulgated
by the “materialist conspiracy” in a nefarious attempt to assault all that
is “near and dear,” which merit the Education Board’s concern as well.
If the Kansas Education Board doesn’t recognize the clear threat that heliocentricism
poses for a belief that humans are the center of the universe, then truly
how will the little children come to know that “Great Juju” in the clouds
loves them so very, very much?
Think of it. A cold universe, in which we are but a small speck of
dust orbiting an average sized star in one solar system among a great many
in the spirals of the Milky Way. That simply won’t do. How can warm
fuzzies exist in such a state of affairs? I think that a nice dome
“roof” painted with teensy stars better does the trick- Gawd in his glory
blessing the world with night-lights tailor-made for those with the faith
of children.
Geocentricism is the only “scientific theory” which will allow us to preserve
our values without even considering whether they have any validity to begin
with. But when you’re right, and the Great Juju is on your side,
there’s no need for a look-see at the evidence, of course. Everything a
person needs to know can be found within goode olde King James Bible- the
standard bearer for Truth, justice, love, human sacrifice, execution, genocide,
slavery, polygamy, and the American way.
That’s right folks, besides the Bible telling us that Joshua told the Sun
(and not the Earth) to stand still (as Martin Luther wisely recognized
as support for geocentricism), Great Juju has installed a wondrous sprinkler
system in the sky, the firmament, which opens its gates to give us life
sustaining water. "God said, 'Let there be a firmament in the midst of
the waters,' and God made the firmament, and separated the waters which
were below the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament...
Then God made the two great lights...(and) the stars also. And God set
them in the firmament to light the earth." (Genesis 1:7,16-17)
Isn’t that comforting? Too bad meteorologists as well have fallen
for the secularist conspiracy. No wonder Dorothy and Toto were swept
up by a tornado- they must have fallen for the claptrap that various fronts
and air currents were responsible for the weather, instead of calling out
to the Great Juju, who would have course stopped the tornado instantaneously
by stopping up a flood gate. Ah well, “there’s no place like home,”
at least if one ignores the latest evidence for other solar systems with
planets orbiting other stars...
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Monday, January 8, 2001
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