Author: Freelancer Starbuck
Website: www.geocities.com/freelancer_starbuck
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Feedback: YEAH BABY!
Archiving: CD has permission, everyone please ask me first.
Rating: G
Summary: A year to the day, Sydney remember's Vaughn's death. Post ATY.
***
I remember him so well. Every second, every fraction of a second. Every movement he made, the last time I saw him. The way his enchanting green eyes rotated through emotions. His silky smooth voice that grabbed my attention with every word he uttered. Sometimes I forget he's even gone. Every time the phone rings, a part of me just knows it's him. And I wait for "Joey's Pizza" to come through the line. That part of me dies just a little when it doesn't happen.
I can almost imagine the way he felt as the water crashed over him. His eyes, widening just a bit until he succumbed to his fate. Sometimes I imagine him whispering my name as he fell, or maybe crying out in pain as his head slammed into the glass. His expression as I stood there, helpless to save him. His nose filling with water. His lungs gasping futilely for air as more and more waves crashed down on him...
"Syd?"
I look up into the eyes of Francie. She's looking at me, concerned. Not that I blame her, it's not everyday that I lay on my bed sobbing. Suddenly, as if a brick hit her, she realizes exactly what today is and bites at her lip. I told her everything about a week after it happened.
"I-I'll be alright, honey. I just need today to be alone..." I smile weakly at her in an attempt to comfort her. She doesn't look convinced, but backs off, telling me she'll take the day off and she's always downstairs if I need her for anything. Anything at all. Her pointed look almost makes me laugh. Almost.
I turn to bury my head back in the pillow when a glimmer from my peripheral vision caught my eye. I sit for a moment, looking at the beautiful antique picture frame that was still perched on my bedside table. As I reach for it, a fresh bout of tears burned behind my eyes. My only picture of Vaughn was inside. One day at the office, a couple weeks before it happened, I had brought a camera to meet him at the warehouse...
***
"What's up with the camera, Syd?" Vaughn stepped from the shadows.
She held it up, a sly smile coming over her features. "I have a picture of every one of my friends... now I just need one of you!"
Vaughn moved his arms to cover his face, still managing to glare at her. "You know it's not safe, Syd. SD-6 could find it, and then we'd be in a whole lot of trouble."
"I'll keep it hidden."
"It's your hide if Devlin finds out, though. Do you really want to deal with his wrath?" Vaughn was clutching at weak excuses and he knew it. Besides, one picture couldn't hurt.
Sydney finished setting up the camera on a pile of crates. She motioned for him to move in front of the lens and joined him, quickly taking position in front of him. Her head came just below his chin, and taking a risk, Vaughn wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on hers. Sydney took hold of his arms and smiled for the camera.
Flash!
***
Night is falling swiftly, swathing me in darkness. Not that I mind, not at all. Just an observation. I haven't gotten out of bed all day. My pillow is soaked with salty tears, making my matted hair stick to the fabric. I pull the wet strands from the cushion, sighing in resignation. Despite my sadness, my stomach demands food.
I pad down the stairs, dragging my feet as I progress. I know I'm a mess, and I figure Will must be here, waiting for me to come down. I don't care.
Sure enough, congregated in my kitchen, are Francie and Will. They look concerned. I hate it when people look at me that way. You know, like you're so fragile you might just shatter with the breeze. I attempt a smile, knowing it comes out like I'm baring my teeth at them. I give up on trying to convince them I'm ok. I'm not.
"Syd, you're up! Are you hungry, we ordered a pizza and the rest is in the fridge." Will sounds too earnest, too happy. I hate fake people. I suppose there's not much I don't hate nowadays.
"No, thanks. I'll just have a bagel and go back to bed..." I reach for the bread box and lift the bag out.
"Oh, Syd... why don't you stay down here and watch a movie with us?" Francie, at least, sounds sincere. She's had experience with me when I'm down like this. Case in point: Danny.
I almost cave at the hopeful look in both of their eyes, but the lure of my bed was too strong. "Naw, I'll pass guys. I just need to think right now."
"Please, Syd. I don't think you should be alone right now..." Will is acting timid now, afraid I'll burst into tears I suppose. It makes me mad.
"Why don't you just leave me alone, Will? You have no idea what I'm going through right now!" I snap, turning my best glare on him. He shrinks back in fear, and I immediately feel sorry. I sigh. "I'm sorry, Will... I'm just a little on edge right now. That was totally uncalled for. Maybe I'll come down a little later," I offer, knowing I probably won't.
They both look reassured. My bagel pops up, but by that time I'm halfway to the stairs. My appetite has suddenly abandoned me.
***
It must be late into the night by now, as I sneak down the stairs into the darkened living room. The television is still on, and Will and Francie are asleep, draped over the couch and loveseat. I switch the T. V. off and cover them both with blankets before I creep out the front door.
It's not too hard for me to swing up and find a foothold for my climb to the roof. I've done it many times before.
The sky above me reminds me of him. The stars, tiny pinpricks in the blanket of night, take me back to so long ago when I stood on the pier pouring my woes out to him. They're almost like the lights of the boardwalk that night. The stars I mean. Not my woes.
Sometimes I sit up here at night and imagine his arms around me. Sometimes I just remember little things about him. His eyes. His shy smile. The way you could hear his mind ticking as he thought. His fierce determination. It overwhelms me sometimes.
Sometimes I imagine he's not really gone. I always hope so. I've never really lost hope that I'll see him again one day. I just pray that this time I won't be disappointed.