Do You Control Your Feelings Are To Your Feelings Control You?

(3 page – 1029 word Self-Help Article)

Whether a disgruntled employee, and ostracized teenager or bullied school kid, chances are all of us have encountered situations where our form of retailiation resulted in a loss of self control. If not, surely we have witnessed, if not experienced first-hand, the negative consequences of losing self-control.

As hard as it is to believe, in today’s society, we have actually seen the above situation sleeps extreme cases of violence, even death. Many may wonder how anyone could allow negative feelings to escalate to the point of arming themselves or others. Expressions like “get a grip”, or “be cool”, and “chill out”, have been coined to suggest that an individual, calm down and not let the current situation bother them. What some fail to realize is, chillin’ out is rarely an option, once you’ve allowed negative feelings to take control of your thinking, not to mention your actions.

We do well to reflect on this point, and asked ourselves: “Do I control my feelings or do my feelings control me?” While we may laugh and reason a loss of self-control in my life could never drives me to the point of violence, we must not minimize the role losing control plays in our physical and mental health and well-being.

It is a well-established fact, that heart disease, high blood pressure, ulcers, and a host of other illnesses can be caused or triggered by excessive stress in a person’s life. Although stress comes in many different forms and can even result from a positive situation (such as marriage, the birth of a child, a new job, a new relationship, etc.), one of the most common, day-two-day stressors is anger. Why we’re angry, and how we handle anger should be of great concern to us all.

Feelings That Lead To Anger

When we have reached the point of losing self-control, it’s usually manifested in an angry outburst of words, actions, or both. When our emotions have risen to such a high level, that they’re past the point of no return, it is rarely possible to diffuse the situation. Things have turned heated and out-of-control!

After the damage is done, the stress gets mixed in with all the coulda’, shoulda’, woulda’s. Could I have handled that differently? Would things have gotten out of hand if I had? Should I have reacted the way I did? The answer to all three questions is “yes”, but it does little good to realize this after-the-fact. So in the future, how can we prevent things from getting to this point? The key lies in acknowledging the feelings that lead to our anger.

Though we are always quick to label our emotions as anger, the things others do or say to us are more likely to either: embarrass, hurt, frustrate, or sadden us. But even if we’re able to admit these feelings to ourselves, we often fail to convey our true feelings to others. Instead, we lash out in anger, which in turn, instinctively puts the other person on the defensive and they retaliate in kind. Then we end up with a hostile situation that probably could have been avoided.

Learning to get in tuned to our own feelings will help us not only identify the true emotions other stir up in us, but will also help us find ways to truthfully communicate these feelings to others. Analyzing what causes our anger is an important step in controlling our feelings and preventing our feelings from controlling us.

The Signs of Losing Your Cool.

Now that we’ve looked at some emotions that lead to anger and a loss of control, we do well to consider some warning signals our bodies give off when we’re about to lose our cool. Do you feel your body beginning to literally overheat? Are your palm’s hot and sweaty? Is your heart racing and your voice rising? Are your fists clenched and ready for battle? All these things are telltale signs that alert us to the fact that we’re on the brink of losing control. Whether we experience one or all of these symptoms, if we fail to heed the body’s built in warning mechanisms, we’re just asking for disaster. Just like you wouldn’t dare get in your car and simply ignore the warning signs along the road, we shouldn’t ignore the warnings our bodies give us when traveling along the highway of life.

When we start to pay attention to what our bodies tell us is happening internally, we can make the needed mental adjustments and put ourselves back on the right path. In this way, we regain control quickly, before things get out of hand.

Taking Charge of You.

Even under the worst of circumstances in which we may feel we have absolutely no control, we always have control of how we react to those circumstances. While we may not be responsible for the situation itself, or even the outcome, we are the ones responsible for our own actions. Since that is the case, we must work hard choosing ways to take charge of our emotions, thus maintaining our self-control. Here are some things that will help us to do that.

Try to stay calm and not get swept up in your emotions and how you feel. Instead, think about the situation and try to use sound reasoning.

It feelings are too overwhelming, and it’s possible to do so, walk away and distance yourself from the person and the problem.

Make sure you listen and really understand what the other person is saying and feeling

Make sure you convey your own thoughts and feelings to the other person accurately

Try and identify the exact problem and look at it from the other person’s perspective.

If possible, discuss solutions, as well as the consequences of those solutions, with the parties involved.

MAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION TO CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS AND NOT LET THEM CONTROL YOU!

Although controlling our emotions requires self-discipline and can sometimes be quite a challenge, doing so can not only add years to our lives, but can also improve the quality of those additional years. Young or old, discovering how to control our feelings is a lesson well worth learning.