Confounded by Technology

Mar. 25, 2004: I don't often have moments when I know that I'm flat out smarter than someone.   Like, if you were to give me 20 1/2 IQ points on someone else, I know I'd be able to beat the spread. Tonight, though, I was pumping gas at the Seven Eleven around the corner from my apartment, when a car pulled up at the pump next to mine.  Or, almost.  The driver pulled about 5 feet past the pump, leading her (something resembing Paris Hilton but about 20 pounds heavier) to get out and say to her friend, "I wonder if I can get gas over here." After about ten seconds and several measurements from some kind of mental ruler, she figured out that, yes, she could get gas over there. Next, she stared at the credit card reader on the side of the pump.  "I wonder which way the card goes," she said.  After overcoming this hurdle and sliding the card through, our heroine started to stare at the readout.  "Ugh," she sighed.  "I don't know how this works!"  Her friend suggested that she slide her card again.  She did.  Same response. "Maybe you just put the thingy in and just start pumping," her friend said.  That, also, did not work. "Why does it say 'Authorizing?'" asked our heroine.  "What's that supposed to mean?" "This is hard," said her friend.  "I mean, all we want is gas." "Push start?  On which one?" "We want premium." "No we don't!  That's like, very expensive." At this point, our heroine went inside to ask for some kind of instruction manual. By the time she walked out, I'd filled up my tank and walked in to the store to get a peanut butter egg.  "Are you helping those girls out there?" asked the clerk.  "I think they'll need it.  I got on the loudspeaker and told them what to do, but all they done is just giggle at my ass." So, one of the employees and I decided to go out and help.  He explained to them the nuances of sliding the card, pushing start, and then squeezing the nozzle.  "And this works every time?" the friend asked. The entire time, I'd been thinking of just really puzzling things I could say to them about their gas pumping experience.  Maybe ask them if they skipped that part of drivers' ed.  Or, mention that the machine only works for men. What I came up with was: "Y'all having trouble pumping gas?"  Ouch. But this was really starting to get old, since I'd already bought a peanut butter cup (they were out of eggs) and gotten my gas.  I decided to get going before they started wondering which hole you put the nozzle in. I know the story's better than this, but it's late and I'm tired. -J