PERSONAL ESSAY

"Freedom From Within"

 When I think of Woman is the Word – I begin to smile…for so many reasons!

 It was January 2001.  I was miserable.  I had just experienced my first Christmas and New Years
 in prison.  Come to think of it, I was miserable, angry, lonely ever since I arrived in April 2000.

 As I sit on my bunk, the officer is calling me to North Hall (NH) for some literature class.—I never
 signed up for this—what can this be!!?  Off I go – heading to NH.  The NH officer directs me to
 this classroom with everyone sitting in a circle, talking, laughing, hugging – I knew I wasn’t going
 to enjoy this!

 As I enter the class, the instructor, Dr. Michele Tarter, approaches me – “Margaret, glad you
 came!”  All I could say was “yes” and gave her a polite smile.  I sat in the circle, the farthest
 away from her I could!  The other women were reviewing a book they had read and their feelings
 and personal anecdotes related to the reading!  All I could think was “Keep your head down
 Midge, don’t make eye contact.”  I kept repeating this to myself!  Out of the blue, I hear,
 “Margaret, I have something I think you’ll like to read…”

 “Ok,” I say.  The class was over.  Everyone stands up and hugs each other, hugs Dr. Tarter. 
 They are all laughing, talking and they leave the classroom.  As I walk towards her, Dr. Tarter, I
 hope she forgets!  Of course not!!  She hands me some papers—“It’s an article written by
 Audre Lorde.”  I say thank you and leave.

 I’m back in the unit, lay down on my bunk and begin to read the article.  After reading only the
 first paragraph, I knew I had so much in common with Audre Lorde – battling breast cancer, a
 lesbian, a writer.  How did Michele Tarter know?  I couldn’t put the article down.  I read it,
 reread it, re-reread it!!  I highlighted it, underlined it – for the first time in months – I felt like I
 was becoming something – but what?  One sentence.  One quote stuck out and continues to
 live in my heart…”only our silences would hurt us…”  Was I doing that??  It seemed so.  I wasn’t
 speaking to anyone, very angry – maybe I should start to speak – to lead – to become – so I
 did…I couldn’t wait to get back to that class.  What great women’s literature, both recent and
 past – no matter when written, the message of these women authors and their stories was the
 same – “empower women!” – What a thrill to write, share and feel that whatever you had
 experienced or are experiencing, love and support is there for us.  I was beginning to feel like a
 crocus that was poking her head out of the snow.  I owe my growth to Michele Tarter and her
 graduate students – who every week (religiously) would come with literature, writing – but most
 importantly would bring their spirits that would sustain us for the week!!  -- How we all hated to
 see this end…tears, hugs – I couldn’t get enough of Michele Tarter and her wisdom and her
 compassion for all of us.  I was blessed to take Michele’s class three times (very unusual) – but
 I’m so very grateful.  To this day Women is the Word and Dr. Michele Tarter are a very big part
 of me – and I pray so many other women too.