Evidence That's Hard To Ignore

Emotional Pavulon For the Extermination Of the Soul:

Lisa's E-mails To A Former High School Buddy


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Hi, Lynne. I know I haven't e-mailed you for awhile. I am so grateful to have someone from my past looking out for me. I have gotten myself into trouble online and cannot see any way out of it. I know you think I'm crazy for having had feelings for Timothy McVeigh and for the like of me I cannot really explain it myself. I wish you went to the same university as me intead of being all the way out in Vancouver.

Please don't take what I said to her to heart---the stuff about Tim that is. Tim would be so upset if he knew that one of his supporters was so obsessed with him that it overshadowed everything else she said or did. I am NOT dissing Tim, just driving home a point to Heidi that she is obsessed, just as Roberta and Brenda are. Tim will forever have a place in my heart, but I need to help my family, my cat and write that book and the treatment for that screenplay about Tim. I spend a lot of time talking about him when I'm not in class, along with writing about him, but I still put my friends and family first. I am sending you the first page of the treatment tonight. I have been working hard on it. I want Tim to be up there smiling at us. I know his spirit is everywhere.

So please don't take what I said to Heidi the wrong way. She just made me angry and I retaliated. I should not do that---Jesus is not happy with me right now. I bet that Tim is right there beside him and hoping we are living our lives and enjoying our freedom---while it lasts I guess.

Thanks so much for being my friend, Lynne. I have been very depressed and if it weren't for you, I would be in a very bad place. We have a great deal of history together. Remember Mr. Pratt and the crush I had on him? I couldn't think about anything else, including my studies. Ha Ha.

Hi, Lynne. I have been doing a lot of reading about the bombing and government cover-ups. This is but one paragraph in a rather lengthy article that seems to indicate that Tim was actually working FOR the government. Hmmm, wonder what Roberta and Brenda would say about that?

I am not trying to show Tim in an unfavourible light, but I cannot see how those two can claim that everything Tim did was against his government. Everything on their site is posted all over the Internet. Everything. There is nothing original about any of it. I always wondered how they can have so much free time, what with all the work they did. I guess I got fooled.

I sent an email to Heidi and just said I was "touching base." I have no feelings of ill will toward her. She must have an extremely unhappy life. wished her good luck on her site and said that it is always good to have pro-tim sites out there, the more the merrier.

People sure hated Tim. But I could never feel that way. He could have been my brother. Now he's been gone for twenty months and I just feel dead inside somehow. I know you cannot fathom this, but at least you understand. Sorry for all the sad wanderings. It's just so terrible that he had to die like that.

love,
lisa

The debacle over more than 4,000 pages of FBI documents renewed suspicion that the government conspires to wipe out its opponents by any means necessary. But it did not improve McVeigh's standing among militia groups like Trochmann's. To them, McVeigh is not a martyr; he is a patsy for the government who almost single-handedly killed the anti-government "Patriot" movement's momentum with the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing.

It's Ii realize you have a lot of homework--I do too, but I guess what worries me is when you came online and then went right off. Was it that link I Ttim friends, but with the way things have been with Heidi and Maureen, I never know if I have inadvertently pissed people off or what the reason is that they no longer want to associate with me.

I never had much luck with friendships. I guess I don't know how to deal with people. I had no idea that Heidi hated me until I saw her go online and then off when she saw me on IM. Please write and let me know everything is okay. You are a very kind, wise and talented girl with a heart of gold. I keep feeling you are way out of my league. I guess that's all there is for me to say. Take care and I hope to talk to you soon. I began working on it the day after the WTC was obliterated off the face of the earth, but have neglected it to work solely on my Tim sites. I want people to think long and hard about what a war would do to humanity.

Envelope-to: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Date: Fri, 28 Feb 2003 00:33:35 EST
Subject: ......what a lovely site....
To: [email protected]
X-Mailer: 8.0 for Windows sub 230
X-Scanner: OK. Scanned in 0.03 seconds.

Hi,

I have really enjoyed your website about Tim McVeigh. You have poured your heart and soul into it, and I agree with much of what you have to say. It is amazing how deep you were able to delve into his mind, and understand where he came from, his pain, his disillusionment, his loneliness. However, I am especially intrigued by the romantic attraction that you had/have for Tim. I read the "somewhat steamy passage," and I can see how he would enjoy that=) It expressed your desire for him but did it with much taste. I even enjoyed reading it.

I'm curious, you said that that was the letter that he responded to. Was that the only time you heard from him? He received a copious amount of mail, I'm certain, but I'm also sure that you had won a place in his heart. When he wrote to you, what did he say? Were you able to glimpse into his mind, his emotions, at that certain moment in his life? Did he express, or did you sense, the feelings that he's had after reading all of your letters? I'm sure he felt a connection to you.

Tim was a man that also truly fascinated me. When all the chaos occurred, I was young (I'm only 21 now), and thus was not intensely interested in the motive that triggered him to do such a thing. But now as I discover more about him, about his past, there really is such sadness in my heart from knowing that such an intelligent, amazing person is no longer. It's a little unbelievable to me. As I see deeper into his being, I feel myself being attracted to this person, but then am continuously shocked as I keep realizing that he's no longer here. Really, what a terrible shame, his life could have been so different.

Of course, not many people share my view. I'm not about to mention my fascination with him to anyone. And there are not many places where one can find out more about his personal thoughts and desires without the immense prejudice from the public that accompanies it. I'm not interested in all the "bad" things that he did, I'm interested in Timothy McVeigh, the poor skinny kid who grew up without ever really experiencing true love, but whom must have yearned for it.

Anyway, thanks for the time and effort that you put into this webpage. You are an excellent writer by the way.

Take care-Monica

Hi, Lynne. Please don't take what I said to her to heart---the stuff about Tim that is. Tim would be so upset if he knew that one of his supporters was so obsessed with him that it overshadowed everything else she said or did. I am NOT dissing Tim, just driving home a point to Heidi that she is obsessed, just as Roberta and Brenda are. Tim will forever have a place in my heart, but I need to help my family, my cat and write that book and the treatment for that screenplay about Tim. This on top of all my school work----Now you know why I never have any free time? I spend a lot of time talking about him and writing about him, but I still put my friends and family first. I am sending you the first page of the treatment tonight. I have been working hard on it. I want Tim to be up there smiling at us. I know his spirit is everywhere.

So please don't take what I said to Heidi the wrong way. She just made me angry and I retaliated. I should not do that---Jesus is not happy with me right now. I bet that Tim is right there beside Him and hoping we are living our lives and enjoying our freedom---while it lasts I guess.

Hi, Lynne. Here's that little essay I told you about the other day. Any comments or criticism you may have is surely appreciated:

It was almost time. The death house had taken on a surreal appearance. The sun was being held captive from him, for the window-less room let in absolutely no light, nor any ray of hope. Still, it seemed that the stuffy, cramped room told him that even though he couldn't see the outdoors, all of mother nature's beauty was seemingly within reach. It was to be the final irony in a case where irony had set the stage from day one. He should have asked if he would be able to just sit and gaze up at the moon the night before. At the time, his mind was racing wildly with a strong mixture of dread and more than a morsel of a heady feeling of apprehension and release.

It had been a full moon, strutting its way across a star-strewn navy blue sky. Suspended, just as the inmates life was, this shimmering, heavenly body grinned from its lofty perch and appeared to reach out to this man whose life would be, in less than twenty-four hours, snuffed out for good. Unlike the sun, the moon gave off no heat and was not required to sustain life on earth. But, there was a curiously hopeful symbolism----its only source of illumination was that which bounced off the sleeping sun. How the inmate wished he'd stood outside even two minutes more. It was too late now. The somber guards were approaching this cruelly-named house of death. Their march was hollow, just as the unfortunate inmate's last tour of duty in hell.

Timothy James McVeigh was about to be executed.

There. That's all I have so far. I will have a chance to finish it after I present my essay for review in my Heroic Literature tutorial tomorrow morning. Wish me luck.

Lynne, I wish I had not been so mean to Heidi. But when I see her name, I just kind of lose it. I even unintentionally smeared Tim and that's really terrible. I did not mean to imply that he wasn't a strong motivating force to me. He certainly is, because all the writing I do concerns him. The treatment, the manuscript, all of it is due to Tim. But I cannot see past my upset about Heidi. She was so nice to me last October, but at the same time telling Mona that I was pathetic---right from the start. She had sent me an email introducing herself, saying Tim was a "crafty bastard" and telling me about good karma. I really liked her at first, but then, slowly but surely, her kind persona began to fray at the edges. She became less friendly, less genuine. She said terrible things about Andrea and Cate. She stopped sticking up for me in my guestbook and then got chummy with Brenda. It was so confusing and kind of creepy. She just wanted to pump me for information and when she got what she wanted, she started attacking me.

You are such a kind, caring and compassionate person, Lynne. Unlike Heidi, you have never wavered in your friendship with me. It's been constant and unblemished since grade ten.

Lynne, I have been having a lot of trouble with my e-mails---they trickle through and there's a lot of mail that isn't getting to me. So if you have written in the last couple of days, I didn't get either your e-mails or the first one Mona sent me. I'm sorry about the chat thing---I went into hypoglycemic shock on Wednesday night and had to be rushed to the ER. They tell me I may have the early stages of diabetes and I have to take a million blood tests. I know it sounds as if I have one illness after another, but stress is a contributing factor. i went to my paxil mail account and there was an e-mail from Heidi that she wrote a month ago. She taunts me for lying, says she definitely got letters and is planning this big secret project involving Tim and his friends. I know I sound unkind when I say this, but I find it difficult to believe that Tim would write to her----her negative personality eventually outshines the put-on nice personality. If someone is inherently bad, they cannot keep up the roll of a good, kind and funny correspondent. The mere fact that she came relentlessly after me about my letters and then discredited me, indicates that she is lying as well. Why would she have the need to expose all of us if she really got letters. She would want to share them with us. She wouldn't even type out one sentence to show us she got them. She says it was for Tim's sake but I don't buy it.

So I responded negatively to that e-mail I just read today. I didn't go off half-cocked or anything, but I let her know that I don't believe she got any letters. I cannot believe I am letting myself get sucked back into all that nastiness. Lynne, is there something about me that seems to attract mean people?

Sorry for going on and on. i guess i just really need a friendly e-mail and a kind face. To be honest, i am quite burned out right now. i'm going to check your board now. i hope you were able to ban Lexi and Me. i noticed the other night that neither of them had posted for awhile.

Please don't be too disappointed with me. I am just battle-weary I guess. Oh I almost forgot: I just got a great e-mail from Sarah. This makes my day. Sorry i was such a wet blanket yesterday. With all the dissent on my board a few days ago, she feels that she must take a break from it, because the negativity and nastiness were getting her quite upset, understandably. I am going to scan that Tim letter for you. The main reason I said nothing about it before was because I didn't want Heidi or Roberta to get wind of it. I will show it to Mona as well. It was easier for me to denounce all of Tim's letters when I fessed up on my site a month ago. Remember that fiasco, Lynne?

Tim was very troubled. He had emotional problems, but if Heidi and Roberta knew about that, they would say something to the effect of, "Lisa, don't you dare go lying and making Tim out to be anything like you. You are the one who's screwed up, not Tim." So it would be a no-win situation with those people.

When I write my book, I will write to both Tim's father and Robert Nigh, asking if they would prefer it if I didn't use Tim's name instead of making up a fictional character like him. If it would further upset these people, I will fictionalize him. The last thing i want to do is open up old, painful wounds. I will not do that to either Tim's lawyer or the McVeigh family.

I hope to chat with you tonight. Sorry I cut it short last night, but I wasn't feeling well. All of the warring on my board last week made me a nervous wreck.

Someday, Heidi and Roberta may see the error of their ways and begin using all of their pent up rage and energy for good instead of evil. They are dirtying Tim's name and memory. Can't they see that? Tim would be so very upset that this was going on in his name. It's a tragedy and I cannot understand why they act the way they do.

It took me a few days, but I know that you are Brenda and therefore do not have permission to post on my board anymore. I have set it up so that everyone has to be approved by myself before they can post. It never ceases to amaze me at the incredible amount of work you put into trying to get into my board and deface it. You obviously have waaaaay too much time on your hands. Why don't you stop all this nonsense and do something productive with your life, Brenda? If you used one tenth of the energy you expend in your ridiculous antics, you could do something amazing with your life.

I have to give you an "A" for effort though. But you repeatedly gave yourself away by your silly posts that defamed Tim. He would be so upset with you if he knew what you do in his name.

Please leave us alone. This has been going on for a year and it's time to stop.

Do not fear, Lynne, I have been more than a bit skeptical of "Manda," as it sounds too much like Brenda. I have no intentions of letting her get into my board at all. I have to admit I was fooled for an hour or so, but came to my senses. That's how she got into my anti-war site and I will not be that clueless again.

I went into my board configuration and fixed it so that everyone has to be approved by me before they can post. I just fixed that now, so neither Brenda nor Heidi can post or even read the board. I was going to just have it that only registered members could post, but I see that "Manda" has somehow been registered, so I knew that wouldn't work. I cannot believe the lengths to which those idiots will go to try to bring me down, Lynne. It's quite pathological. There were over 300 visits----which I attribute to the three of them trying all kinds of ways to get into my board. Well, now they will have to be approved and there ain't no way that's happening.

Hi, Lynne. How did that film class go last night? Were you able to stay up for the 10 PM screening this time? Heheh. Sorry, my sense of humour needs a workout after the antics of the past month or so. It gets quite crazy now and then. I'm so sorry for not getting in touch with you before this, but I have a lot of stuff going on here right now. As for Brebda, I e-mailed her with a "nice try, "Manda" and let her know that she wasn't fooling me any longer. I did actually think that Manda was a real person until she asked if she could help me with the layout of my board. Then when you expressed your feelings, I knew that I was right. You are really getting to know all these characters who are hellbent on ruining my life. Aren't they something else???

I have now set up the board so that everyone has to be approved my me before they can post. Let me know if you have any problems. I am letting you in, as well as Mona and Sarah---I honestly don't trust anyone else. That mysterious Sidney and Heidi were making me sick to my stomach with the sex garbage. It seems someone has to hit me over the head before I come to my senses. i am going to try out your board later. It may be the only salvation. Unless Heidi is there. I really, really cannot stand that woman and will have nothing more to do with her ever. She has hurt me a whole lot and I just cannot keep people like that anywhere near me.

I am hard at work for a June 11th tribute. We will be out of school by then and I will soon be starting a summer job lifeguarding like I did last year. It's a fun job, even if it doesn't pay very well. I am hoping to get it done way ahead of time, but then the days are just flying by. Tim deserves some good press, not the crap those idiots spew out about him. Tim may have had his flings with smut talk, but there was a whole lot more to him than that. To hear Heidi tell it, that was all there was to Tim. I know she didn't get letters from him---I called her bluff and she couldn't prove it. So now we know for sure. Anyhow, maybe we can chat tonight? I will be up until 11 or so .i will keep IM on in the meantime. Again, I am sorry I am so far behind, but this was a very busy long weekend.

I cannot believe that picture of Roberta----she looks almost sweet. Did you notice that? I guess it's the blonde hair and the pudgy cheeks. At any rate, she looks nothing like I pictured. i thought she'd be hard-looking, with thin lips, beady little eyes and a permanent frown on her forehead. Don't get me wrong, I still think she's really out of it, but the picture doesn't fit the personality. Brenda's however, certainly does. She looks a bit like Morticia, don't you think?

I don't know why I did this, but I sent Lexi a card to see if she and I can at least be civil to one another. Lynne, I was so very, very angry today and it's just not like me to lower myself to her level like that. I really went up one side and down the other of that woman. Fortunately, I went for a grueling run for over two hours and it dissipated my rage completely. I hope I didn't spook you. I am ashamed of my behaviour today. From now on, I will just chill instead of rising to the bait. That's exactly what she wanted me to do. I know I'm not the most beautiful gal in the world, but I cannot possibly be as ugly as she said I was. And I am NOT skinny. I worked awful hard to get my muscles. Oh well, I just have to let that stuff go. It's inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, right?

Well, I know this sounds silly, but I actually cried myself to sleep last night. Those two were soooo mean yesterday, calling me Karen Carpenter crawling out of her grave and putting me down by saying I was jealous of them because they're pretty and I'm so ugly, and that they have kids and nice homes. The thing that upset me most was learning how much they despise me. It's really quite unnerving to be on the receiving end of so much hatred and hostility. Whatever did I do to them????

That's enough self-pity wallowing. I agree with you that they did something with their photos. She does only look 15 in that picture I sent you----I got two actually, but I deleted her e-mail, because I just cannot handle anymore nastiness.

As for my compassionate letter to Heidi, well it must have done a little bit of good because she hasn't contacted me since to be her nasty self. I sent the e-card at the same time. I hope she stays away.

You may be right about Heidi being another personality of Roberta/Brenda. My feeling is that Roberta and Brenda recruited her months ago to pretend to be my friend and then stick it to me good. I'm beginning to think that Roberta and Brenda are the same person. I did tell you that they both talk and write exactly the same. And they are never around together, just separately. Well, I am just waiting for her/them to trip themselves up and then we will know for sure.

Lynne, I have to confess that I lost my temper last night---and that's a hard thing to do, as I keep that sort of thing in check most of the time. Up until a couple of nights ago, I would answer their mean and vituperative e-mails by being sweet and forgiving. I thought that it was wrong of me to sink to their level.

They called that "Aria" link a "new" one, but I have had it up since last fall. That's the one where they got all silly and nasty that I thought it was a picture of baby Tim and his father. They pick on absolutely everything about me and my site. I told Brenda that there was no Roberta and then said, "It sure didn't take two people to cut and paste everything that's on your site from other sites. And you did accuse three Jewish men of doing the bombing, like Speigleman for one. That ain't no Aryan name, babe." She likely didn't even read any of that material at all or she would not be telling me that I'm wrong. I am convinced that she is a white supremacist, along with Heidi. Remember when they went on and on about Elohim City and the white supremacists? This doesn't surprise me at all. They have so much rage inside that attack minorities as well. All that hate has to be spread everywhere.

Hi, Lynne. I just got a message from "Charlotte Smith" but I haven't read it yet. The header was "huh?" and it is my educated guess that she is denying that it was her that sent me that beyond-the-grave letter to Tim.

Now, being is that I'm clueless, I cannot make head nor tail of this info on "Heidi" I can see the Carolina is where she hails from, but beyond that, it's jut a bunch of numbers to me. I was sure she wasn't from the UK--those generic British-isms and the stereotypical way of talking gives it away. I agree that she's part of the conspiracy. When she and I were "friends" and we talked on IM, she became obsessed with the belief that Tim was a patsy. She gobbled up every little piece of "evidence" that Tim was, let's face it, rather pathetic in her eyes.

I'm sorry that I didn't chat last night. I have been so tired with all the running, that I keep falling asleep in class. I had better smarten up or I won't pass this semester. The reason I do 2 hours plus is to rid myself of anger. It has been working. But as I told you, I lost my temper the other night and let Jennifer have it big time. Now my anger has dissipated, thank heavens. I do not like to get mad---it takes a lot of energy---so I am not reading messages i get from her or "Heidi."

At 08:36 PM 5/26/03 -0700, Sad_Lisa wrote:

Hi, Lynne. Yes, I recall that Heidi glommed onto Brenda in my guestbook way back when Brenda was talking about the conspiracy. I think what bothered me most about that dialogue was that they came across as white supremacist supporters, constantly talking about them and Elhoim (sp) City. The name "Bratt" is as Aryan as one can get. I believe that she hates the Jews and that's why they talk about Speigleman and the other two men whose names escape me at the moment being responsible for the government cover-up.

So poor Tim is just a pathetic scapegoat? He had no control over the events of his life? That he was merely a patsy in the grand scheme of things? Boy would he be pissed at these notions.

Maybe Brenda believes there really is a probability that Tim is still alive---yeah, like Elvis, LOL----and feels she is channeling his spirit or something. I did tell you about my questioning that Brenda has MPD and disassociative disorder. With MPD, there are various alters that appear and disappear at various intervals of time. The male personalities are the protectors, so perhaps one of her alters is Tim. Perhaps that alter really believes he is Tim---a Tim that's still alive in her addled head. The only way Brenda knows what her various alters are is if they write stuff so that she knows about them. I may be way off the mark, but if this is the case, she is deserving of compassion. Lynne, I really lost my temper at her the other day and I am ashamed of myself. Now that I have calmed down considerably, part of me wants to let Brenda and her personalities alone. If i ever talked to her about my suspicions of her, i'm sure she'd be enraged.

But, quite frankly, that is an outside possibility. I think I am doing my best to try and rationalize her behaviour. I am not responding to any of those e-mails I forwarded to you the other day. Otherwise they will just respond in their nasty way. I just want to be left in peace.

Well, I have an idea of what I can do to throw them off the scent. As you say, be as sweet as can be and they will get all bent out of shape. But as i'm doing that, we will be getting our stuff together to pounce on them with. Tim would be appalled at the antics of those idiots. Imagine, taking down a site that honoured him. Do they think for one minute that it would please him to see that a dedication site had been obliterated. They are seriously ill, Lynne. I know you have been trying to tell me that for months. They are obsessed with bringing me down to their level. I wish I had not lost my temper with Brenda the other night. I had promised myself that I wouldn't do that.

Yes, it's sick alright. I would imagine that their lives are not nearly as wonderful as they make them out to me. People with good husbands and children, who live in nice houses and have the "perfect" lives, do not act like they do. My guess is that they are miserable and the only control they have over their lives is online being bullies. They would never get away with those antics in real life---they'd have been arrested a long time ago.

I am working on a new Tim site------and it's going to be quite different than the last one. Of course, I cannot put up a link like I had on the de-activated site or they will see that it's eliminated again. It's my guess that what they told Gateway abuse is that I was a severely dangerous mental patient who is in sad need of professional help and that I get a kick out of stalking them. What nonsense, but obviously, the folks at Gateway believed them. Hoo boy--now we have "Manda" talking to newly-posted "Annie." Yup, seems as if my diagnosis of Brenda was right on the money. She is essentially talking to herself again. Very smooth, Brenda. Where was this dialogue? On Brenda's board? I would imagine it is. And they are still obsessing over my mistaken picture of "baby Tim." She (they) seriously needs to move on---it's getting old very fast.

My guess is that she is frustrated that she can't take my other site down so she is being grouchy about our sites. Why they bother going back to it over and over if it turns them off so much? It's really quite pathetic. I mean, who else believes in this big conspiracy theory? Nobody I know outside of Brenda and her followers. She's either MPD or very bored with her life. Will they be talking about us six months down the line? Methinks she (they) will. "They" are so frustrated that I haven't contacted Brenda since she took down my site. "They" keep hoping that I will pound out an angry e-mail or else threaten to do myself in. And they're waiting for your response too. So, without my dismantled site to discuss anymore, she and her alters are obsessing about my site and STILL going on about my "terrible mistake."

Whatever her diagnosis, she's just simply not all there. Having MPD or disassociative disorder would explain a hell of a lot. She's either suffering from one or the other.

Geez, that woman is like a dog with a bone. She just won't let that mistake go. Geez you think I executed Tim myself the way she goes on. It was a stupid mistake that i made. Hasn't she every goofed on anything? I am not going near "Rosie's" board for that reason. I do not need nor want any correspondence with Heidi anywhere. But you know what? She makes fun of my mental illness, but she is unwell herself. Happy, healthy people do not act and talk like she does. They don't prey on kids, they don't obsess about a mis-named photo on my site and they don't glom onto the likes of Brenda and "Roberta." As you reminded me, Heidi came out of nowhere when all that trouble was going on in my old guestbook last fall. I have received letters from Roberta, many moons ago, where she was quite sweet and nice. But she couldn't keep it up because it isn't her nature to be that way. Inevitably, she would sink back into her nasty persona. Heidi is the same way: So nice and kind and funny to me in her first few e-mails, but then, gradually, her good facade was replaced by the real Heidi. And to think she wrote to Tim. He probably saw right through her---Tim was very adept at figuring people out. He knew firsthand about bullies. There is no way he wrote back to her.

I am staying away from Heidi these days, because she's another one who seems to get a real rush from putting us down and treating us badly. I don't know what issues she has in her world of rage and hate, but turning her anger toward me is quite inappropriate and unfair. I did nothing to destroy this woman's life. Okay, so I mistakenly said that picture was baby Tiim being held up by his father back in 1968. And yes, i put a fake picture of Heidi on that link that got me in so much trouble with Gateway. The girl i picked was quite pretty, actually. It's not like i put Eleanor Roosevelt's photo up there. Heheh. What I should have done was post Heather McCartney's photo on the link, since she did say that was her. Yeah, right. Dream on, Heidi.

Tonight I am getting at my new Tim site. I want to get it up there asap because of the June 11th tribute---and to show Heidi I am not rolling over and playing dead. It drives her nuts not to get any responses from me. We must stand by that resolve. Heidi in particular gets this wild adrenaline rush from causing trouble and treated us badly. She needs that kind of a fix on a daily basis. It's been almost two weeks since we wrote to her and I bet she's pulling out her hair in frustration. Nothing pleases these internet stalkers more than getting a rise out of people. They aggitate and infuriate all they possibly can, but if nobody reacts to their poisonous letters, they go into a kind of withdrawl. My humble diagnosis for both Heidi and Brenda is that they have borderline personality disorder, which explains why they hate me and my book so much. My primary illness is bipolar disorder, with borderline tendencies. Nobody gets THAT bent out of shape about a book and a mental illness unless he or she can see some of themselves in my writings and behaviour. For all we know, they could be into controlled substances, or at the very least, alcohol. When I used to frequent the Usenet newsgroups---well, until it turned into a veritable wasteland for seriously troubled people---there were posters who were always upsetting people, threatening and running roughshod over those of us who were interested in the topics, not waging war on one another. I would imagine that both those girls are all over Usenet all the time under various and sundry aliases. They wouldn't last an hour on alt.-activism.death-penalty. Those regulars would eat them for breakfast. Many posters there drink and do a variety of drugs, so that much of their nastiness and threats are fueled with rum and cokes. Just a theory of course.

I hope we can chat tonight. I will have the main page of the new site done before i go to bed, along with several links. I meant to be further ahead by this time, but at least it's getting started anyway. Oh and did I tell you: I got an A++ on that essay about capital punishment in a country that calls itself "civilized"? I worked hard on that one.

My Eudora mail reader was uninstalled and then downloaded again, and as you can see, it works just fine now. But I will go check the Yahoo account where I wrote my latest e-mail to you.

When I think about it, what do Brenda and Heidi really mean in my life? I would say, very little. I know that Brenda had threatened Mr. Spock with the antifreeze in his food, but she cannot get to him again. I am trying to keep things in perspective now and am holding on to people and things I care deeply about. That includes you and your wonderful friendship with me. It means more to me than I can say, that there is someone out there who connects and who matters to me.

These e-mails, sent by Lisa Schultz to her friend, Lynne Halstrom, were confiscated by the authorities who were investigating Schultz's death. They are to be sent to the girl's psychiatrist so that he could try to determine exactly what went so terribly wrong that a happy, healthy twenty-year-old university student would take her life, and in such a violent way.

...Back to my home page

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