"How Could I Have Let All Of This Happen?"
---Lisa's Day Of Reckoning
The following is an e-mail sent to Roberta soon after her buddy, Brenda destroyed two of her sites. I want to illustrate just how drastically and disturbingly the illegal, ultra-nasty behaviour is drastically changing Lisa Schultz from a shy, unobtrusive young woman to an enraged and darkly jaded one---someone who is gradually realizing that she doesn't have much more to lose before Roberta, Brenda and Heidi are brought down by their own palpable evil. The metamorphosis will be slow and insidious. Besides being a cautionary tale for people who encounter depravity and violence online, the novel provides the uneasy conclusion that being a Timothy McVeigh supporter exacts a very, very high price.
Lisa's e-mail to Roberta is not divided into paragraphs in order to show just how completely and harrowingly unhinged she has become because of the "Terrible Trio." She is concentrating on WHAT she is writing and not HOW. It will have already been established that Lisa is slowly disintegrating and losing all that she had been and done in her twenty years. Because of the Internet, bullies and stalkers have found a brand new, exciting medium in which to weave their nasty spells.
People have expressed confusion as to why Lisa bothers to read the vituperative e-mails from Roberta, Brenda and Heidi. Her friend, Barbara has asked, on numerous occasions, that Lisa just ignore them and block their e-mails. But what this book is making an effort to explain is that Lisa is slowly and steadily losing her sense of self, her sense of having control over her life. Roberta, Brenda and Heidi, Lisa writes to both Lynne and Barb, must have terrible lives where they feel no sense of control, so they turn things around via the Internet to feel as if they have a firm handle on something. Here's Lisa----Lisa the dark:
At 10:31 AM May 24 02, Sad_Lisa wrote:
Hi, Barbara. I'm so sorry to have dragged you into my cyber nightmare like this, but both Lynne and Sylvia have had it with what they call my "annoying histrionics." At least you know that I wouldn't over-dramatize anything unless it warranted my doing so. Can you believe this? Here I am, waiting at the edge of the world for someone, anyone, to get me out of this prison and I can still produce polished prose. It's a God-given talent I guess. Barb, if you had asked me a scant six months ago what I wanted to achieve by putting up a tribute site to none other than Timothy McVeigh, I would have said that this site was a place where McVeigh supporters to come and not be overwhelmed by vitriolic individuals who saw him as Evil Incarnate. And I would have believed that. But over this past spring and summer, up to that fateful, depressing anniversary of June 11th, 2001, I now know that I have unwittingly invited the devil into my home. My sanctuary. My place of relative safety in an extremely unsafe world.
Have you looked at my message forum lately, Barb? The one I posted more than a year before Tim's execution? Go and have a look at it and then meet me on Instant Messenger later on this evening. I must warn you that what you are about to read is extremely disturbing and rife with profanity, blatant threats and defaming words, all from persons I had believed to think as I did about the Oklahoma City bomber. Not only are these women out to smear his name, but they believe in the death penalty! My site had started out as an anti-capital punishment place, but had gradually morphed into a tribute project.
Sorry I have rattled on and on like this. I will wait for your response. Please don't wait too long.
love,
lisa.
At 5:36 PM May 27 02, Sad_Lisa wrote:
Roberta you fucking piece of garbage! I cannot BELIEVE the nerve you've got if you think that I am going to put up with anymore of your sociopathic bullshit. You are constantly turning the tables so that it appears as though I was the one who sought YOU out and I am continuing to barrage YOU with unwanted and unwarranted messages. YOU are the one tormenting ME and I am here to tell you that I am not going to rise to the bait as far as you are concerned again. God I hate you, Roberta! You came into my guestbook on the second anniversary of Tim's execution and wreaked absolute havoc with it. If you were here I would crush you underfoot like a diseased bug! I have much better things to do than play the leading role in your play of horrors. I worked damn hard to stay out of the hospital and to get on with my life after years of mental illness. You are so evil---picking on people you see as inferior to yourself. And you profess to being a CHRISTIAN?? God Almighty, if you are a follower of Jesus, you certainly show no signs of it. Your heart is dark and filled with rage. And now you've got me fucking angry too. Where do you get off accusing me of things I haven't done and seeing youself as much better in every way than I am? Hmm?
Tim would just despise you because you, my dear, are nothing but an Internet bully. He hated bullies, I'm sure you know. Let me just warn you that if you think for one minute I am going to just lay down and let you destroy me, then you have another thing coming! You have moved me to experience raw hatred. I thought I had purged all of my anger. I turn around and back it comes, manyfold. I do not owe you or your equally twisted partner-in-crime any information, anymore time or anymore grief. I have HAD it with you!! You're a pathetic, disgusting piece of crap and I look forward to the day when you are banned from the Internet altogether! Did you happen to know that I called the Erie, Pennsylvania police after you had my other Tim site de-activated. I wasn't going to contact them at all, but your actions propelled me to do just that. Remember when you tricked me into giving you my password for my anti-war site several months ago? Well, in case you have forgotten, you filled my file manager with kiddy porn and THAT, my dear, is against the law, both off and ONLINE. I made a series of calls with a former high school buddy and faxed them the printed out pages of that abominably sick for the officers. Do you happen to recall that it was a Gateway website owner? The same owner Brenda called to get my site de-activated? So I would advise you, for your own protection and your own unfettered state, Roberta, not to call them again. They know about your desectation of the anti-war site and they assured me that if you kept it up, charges will be filed. What do you think of that, you sorry bitch? Your negativity has cost you plenty and will continue to do so for the rest of your dirty life. And there's no fucking way I'm putting up with your antics anymore. Get this and get it straight: You come after me again---you and your soulmate, Heidi---and you WILL be sorry. I mean this. Now go try to destroy someone else's life. Believe me, you will pay for this, and pay DEARLY.
To: [email protected]
From: freedomwriter
