Gathering Storms
The Voyage Darkens As the Stage Is Set For Tragedy
At 09:53 AM 5/20/02 +0100, Heidi_Seek:
Lisa,
Don't know why you insist on e-mailing me to tell me I'm not banned from your board, and straight away ban me. What is your problem? As far as I'm concerned you have no where else to go regarding Tim, he couldn't stand you, neither could Jeff or David, you made a laughing stock of yourself. Just give up on Tim, Lisa. He wouldn't have wanted anything to do with someone like you. Your a depressive and totally insane woman and thats something that Tim wasn't.
I still don't believe for one minute Tim wrote you anything. You're just clutching at straws. You only started writing to him after you saw the interview he gave. By that time Tim wasn't writing to anyone new, and that I know for a fact. I actually correspond with a very good friend of Tim's and he and I have become very close friends through Tim. So I know everything that went on with Tim all the way through he prison term.
You just cant give up asking for a copy of one of MY letters, well, no chance. Anyone that cares for Tim, knows what a hard time he had in there and to shit on him by giving you a something he wanted keeping for the person it was meant. Well, sorry but no. My loyalty is still to Tim, not you and your desperate attempts to get hold of a genuine letter.
Regarding your message board, it's old news now, and the only people you will get on there are the ones who harbour fantasies about Tim, and that amounts to about 3 of you. Sad. Your book about Tim, not a chance you cant write about someone you don't know. Even his friend from his younger days thinks it's funny.
You profess to know Tim.... You don't, you know nothing other than what you have been fed by that TV of yours that your glued to constantly. You live in a fantasy world. Nothing more nothing less, even that book you had published was only read by about 5 people, it was crap.
Get it through your thick head, Tim did not write to you Lisa, your making it up, and taras as dim as you if she believes its Tims, but then again what does she have to compare it too.....
Nothing.
Now Lisa stop pestering me and sod off, and get on with your small life, some of us have better things to do, than fantasise about men who wouldn't have given you the time of day.
You Lisa are a very very bitter person, and your jealously of people like me and Andrea and Cate, is eating you alive. That is not very dignified is it.??? Just because Tim chose to write to us, and confide in us, because he knew he could trust us, not to go running to CNN, like you planned to. You would have used his name and nothing more, just to get your 5 minutes of fame.
Go back to fantasising about your TV appearances that you have, that's as close your going to get to being FAMOUS.
heidi.
AT 05:45 AM 5/21/03 +0100, Sad_Lisa wrote:
My "problem" is that you changed so dramatically from a funny, intelligent and kind-hearted person to a mean, vindictive and pathologically lying one. Why did you ever write to me in the first place, Lexi? Was it to set me up for the real you? You wrote for the first time last October, extending your hand in friendship and telling me that you would be sticking up for me on my guestbook. i later found out from Lee that you and she were chatting on IM and you were repeatedly putting me down, a scant two weeks after you pretended to be my friend and supporter. Like cats, i don't deal real well with change, and you turned out to be the quintessential "Jeckle and Hyde" personality. Can you not see how upsetting and mean that was? If you cannot, then you are more far gone than i expected. You were nice to Sarah at first too, telling her that her site was like a little church. Almost immediately after that, you were sending her nasty e-mails because she didn't want Tim to be discussed in a sexual light. If you did get letters, and that is a very big IF, then you were using your "good" personality. You wrote to Jeff and told him all kinds of terrible lies about me---after I showed you a part of one of his letters to me. If Tim had seen the real you, Heidi, he wouldn't have given you the time of day. He despised bullies, Heidi and you are the quintessential bully of the Internet. Therefore I am certain than your relationship with him was and is, a complete sham.
I do not hate you, but I despise your behaviour. I started writing to Tim right after he was sentenced to death. You like about getting letters in order to bring some sunlight into your miserable life. You didn't get letters because nobody has seen even one sentence he supposedly wrote to you. That in itself speaks volumes. Your rampant jealousy of Cate and Andrea shows that you were angry with them because they got close to Tim and you did not.
I did get a letter, only one, that showcased his rage at his situation. Why would i post that on my site? I only put what i did on my site so that people would see a good side of him. I do not want to correspond with you again, Lexi. You are a cold, selfish and pathetic woman whose only pleasure in life was in building a false story about the letters.
I feel sorry for you. But even so, you upset me to the point of tears and anger. I have far, far too much going on in my life with my novel that features Tim prominently. I am not online that much these days except to read my e-mail and work on my sites. If you want to spend a great deal of energy on trying to post on my board, then go ahead. You have waaay too much time on your hands. Why don't you spend more time with your children instead of acting like an idiot and remaining addicted to the Internet? Please do not. I should know better by this time.
I do not know where that kind, funny and engaging woman you introduced yourself to me with disappeared to. Was she ever genuine, or was it a complex hoax to undermine my tie to Tim, to turn Jeff against me or to deface my various boards? Maybe I will never know for sure, but what I do know is that you are poison to me.
Good-bye,
lisa
At 10:18 PM 5/21/02 +0100, Heidi_Seek wrote:
christ, you are ill. You look like a sack with nothing init.
You made me feel sick when I saw that pic you just sent..
UUUGGGGG.....
Yes Lisa we do all have good and bad pics, I just waiting to see a good one of you, you have put many up of yourself, but im just yet to see one that makes you look female, let alone human, Attractive you most definitely are not. You are as ugly as fuck, and I can't say I've seen worse anywhere.
The pic of Dan in hospital was taken just after I had my son. You know what one of them are don't you??? It's a child you give birth to. Oh you haven't have you?? Guess you're too much of a loser to relate to all that. What's your excuse for being ugly???
Just face it lisa, you can't help being born ugly that you can be forgiven for, its in the genes, but your evil streak, and your mental problems really do affect your judgement of others far more beautiful than yourself.
Is that a sympton, Your fuck ugly, and you think your attractive and attractive people make you green with envy.
hahahahahahahahahah Your pic gave my boyfriend a fright, he says its a pity you cant be locked up so you cant scare the neighbours, and take his advice only go out in the dark, with a hood and scarf on.
Hes taking the pic to the pub to show his mates the loony from canada,
It will be given pride of place on the dartboard, and see who can get the bulls eye.
heheheheheheheheheeheheheh
PS
Cover the mirrors up, you,ll give yourself a fright.
Christ your really really disgusting.
AT 2:38 AM 5/24/03 +0100, Sad Lisa wrote:
Let's not do this anymore. I will admit that you FINALLY got to me, what with the pictures and pretending you were thin and pretty, and at the same time trashing me. You made me lose my temper and that's not an easy thing to do.
We have to accept that we will never be friends. I don't think we ever were. Tara and I were looking at your pictures and got silly. But I am simply stooping to your level and that makes me ashamed of myself. We will agree to disagree. I do have real friends, both on and offline. I need to stick with them instead of engaging in this war of the words. Enuff. It's time for both of us to move on. This has been a valuable lesson for me: I cannot trust everyone I meet on the Internet.
sincerely emotionally drained,
lisa
Lisa made one last-ditch attempt to reach Heidi and bridge the gap between them:
When I thought about it, I realized that I started that battle royal between the two of us when I reacted rather badly after seeing you posting on my board. So I need the one to apologize. Heidi, I hate arguing and hurting people and I know I have hurt you. Your reaction was to make fun of my looks and even though I found that somewhat amusing, it hurt a lot just the same.
i also remember that I have apologized to you before and then started up the fights again. You have a little dog and i must tell you that I cannot stay angry at an animal lover. What kind of dog is it? He's cute as a button.
Heidi, I mean it this time. No more nastiness. I know we were friends once. Erica and Susan made me quite paranoid and that too is my fault. Yes, they have treated me terribly, but as I said in the e-card I sent you, I need to forgive them too.
Please accept my sincere regrets. Tim would not like it if we were fighting all the time about him. He didn't like confrontations at all and neither do .
You are pretty and are not fat. I was grasping at straws because you had told me how ugly and dirty I am. i have never thought of myself as anywhere near pretty, but why i posted those unflattering pictures of myself on my site is beyond me. As you say, people do look different in various photos. Even Tim had his rather unattractive shots. i remember when he was on that Primetime show, several weeks before he was killed by his government, they showed two pictures of him as a soldier. The first one was gorgeous but the second didn't do him justice.
Anyway, I don't blame you if you still despise me. But my anger has dissipated completely. I had a long, hard run, which got ride of my hostility.
Your children are beautiful, by the way. :)
sincerely,
lisa
Envelope-to: [email protected]
Date: Thu, 12 Feb 2002 10:08:48 +0000 (GMT)
From: Heidi_Seek
Subject: your email
To: [email protected]
X-Scanner: OK. Scanned in 0.03 seconds.
Well lisa, First off, I hope your recovery goes well, I'll bet your glad to have it out of the way. Secondly, I just went and read your link, and I think it was very brave of you to admit the truth about the Tim letters. I think I can understand why you did it, you just wanted people to see a real view of Tim, as a human being, I know he never wrote sexual letters to anyone, not even the ones you think he did.
I know how frustrating it is to see all these people out there negatively judging Tim, and wanting to portray him in a good light, but if theres one thing i have learned from all this, that is that, it doesnt really matter what people think, we know and a lot of others know that wasnt the way he was, he was a good man most of the time and a kind one, and as long as we and the most of the others that visit the forums in his memory know that, who cares what the others think.
I heard something the other day that rang very true, and that if you can count true friends on one hand, you are a very lucky person, nobody needs negativity in their lives and true friends bring you all the liking and support you should need in life. A few true and trusting good friends can run rings around the fairweather type.
If you were a psychopath, it would not have made the slightest difference to me, it was the site and the people on the forum what made it what it was not, your mental state, we shouldnt even have to justify our sanity. Its no big deal really is it.
Things were getting way out of hand with people coming on and posting silly messages about What tim supposedly wrote to them, like Brenda and Roberta, None of its true Lisa, so dont feel like your the only one to lie about the letters. None of those women recieved letters from Tim. Not one. This I have personally found out for myself by going to a lot of trouble.
I have been asked to do some work for someone, and it wouldn't leave me anytime for Ii mean. The fact that Nan is the same age as you? That didnt make any difference to me either.
I hope your new forum is going well and that things get better for you in the future, and at least you can start the site again with a clean slate. By the way before I go, I would like you to know that when you talked about your illness on the site, I really had no idea what it entailed, so I looked it up on the web directory, and I now realise what your symptoms are and what it means for you. Thats something I should have done at the outset, instead of spouting my mouth off at you. so for that I do apologise. It can't be an easy life to live.
That's the trouble with the web, we none of us really realise the troubles that the names we type to have, suppose that's the same for the people in the prisons. Tim had it very rough in prison, and thats a sad true fact and I feel a bit ashamed when i think of all the personal fighting on the forums, and compare it to what he went through on a daily basis, because of who he was.(
Good luck in the future with the site, and your personal life,
regards
heidi
Hi, Heidi. Please do not be angry with me for my post to you in my message board tonight. I have been offline for a month or so, what with moving and other disruptive events, so this is my first night back on the internet. I had banned you from the board for reasons we both know. It seems that everytime we lay down our rifles and make peace, it gets all torn to shreds several weeks down the line. Since this has become a pattern for us, I have to maintain you on a short leash until we can treat one another like civil human beings and not resort to name-calling, character-assassinating and nastiness in general. I may be a fool for putting boards up, but I am pretty sure that Roberta and Brenda will not be appearing there. You have always run hot and cold, so I am giving you another chance. We really did have a good friendship in the works, but we let others get in and contaminate the waters.
As Jessica knows, I did get one letter from Tim---just one and he was very, very angry at everyone and everything. The reason I made up the others was to show he had a kind and caring side. He likely did, but what I saw was very self-destructive on his part. If I thought you could have handled seeing that side of Tim, I'd have printed that one, but i Ii don't know. I don't know if you really did get letters, as you have shared nothing to any of us. Tim would not mind. He has been dead for nearly two years.
I am working on a special June 11th tribute and am hard at work at my novel. i no longer have time for bitterness and negativity and I hope you feel the same way. I had to lay down some ground rules for the board. i want this one to be positive and worthwhile. That's precisely why Erica and Jessica aren't around.
sincerely,
lisa
But the truce was only temporary, as one can see by reading this e-mail from Heidi:
Envelope-to: [email protected]
Date: Sun, 24 May 2002 18:50:28 +0100 (BST)
From: Heidi_Seek
Subject: your latest link
To: [email protected]
X-Scanner: OK. Scanned in 0.03 seconds.
Heidi
Heidi, or whatever your name is, it is quite obvious that you have chopped off the olive branch i showed you the other day, so I will say this: I truly believed you had letters from Tim, but you overshot the mark when you told me you talked to him on the phone. I happen to know that only Cate, Andrea and his family ever did that. So then I knew for sure that you were full of it. Had you stayed with the letters instead of incriminating yourself, then I would still believe you. I find it entertaining the way you call me a super-liar. You and your buddy Jennifer---there is no ""-----make me look like a freaking angel in that department.
Guess you'll have to join my little rogues gallery. You have no goodness in you, whatever your name is, and I now know that Debbie and her imaginary playmate recruited you to befriend me and then stab me in the back. Those first letters, when you talked about karma and jokingly called Tim "a crafty bastard" were just smoke screens for the REAL you. You were never my friend, you just played one until my back was turned and then plunged the knife into me, figuratively speaking.
I have a cat who may not live very much longer, as he now needs insulin shots for his diabetes. I'm sure you and Jennifer are delighted that I am going to lose my best friend in the world. I know neither of you have any compassion. Tim would have seen the two of you as the bullies you are and would have despised you. You two are treating me like those kids in school tormented Tim.
Shame on you.
Oh and I hope you will like the picture of you that's going on that new link that you trashed. i did my best to find one that looks like the real you.
It doesn't feel very good to be on the receiving end, does it? You've had your day---now it's mine. You two have pushed me waaay too far and once Julius is dead, i won't care what happens to me or what you do to me. Life isn't worth living without that little guy. i am not suicidal, by the way, so you can stop salivating. But i don't give a rat's ass how vindictive i am anymore. There's just nothing left to lose.
lisa
I think your the one with the eyesight problem....
You put a pic of Tim holding a baby and then you realised your stupid mistake and took it down, but i copied it before you did that, so i have the proof i need.
Put up any pic of any woman in the world Lisa, cos your the ugliest one ive ever seen, so any woman would look good next to you.
Just to put you right, (AGAIN) Tim phoned me once, not lots and not for hours on end, where do you get your info from .... You really should stop watching so much TV and videos and come and join the real world.
Your loco and out of touch with reality Lisa, and thats really pissing you off that you know that Tim despised you, thought you looked like a trout. Out of season one at that.
You should hear the things he said about you to Jeff and David, he took the piss out of you... called you a limpet.. and he thought you were really a man. His words to jeff were "woooo thats the ugliest woman I've ever seen... are you sure its female..." Or just a man after kicks..."
Put that up on your site, cos I can make sure it goes up on another one if you prefer, Jeff tells me lots of stuff, and you have no idea who I am, you're assuming im from England, I could be from Canada, I could travel and I could have seen you in the street, you just dont know do you...
I could be 21 I could be 31, I could even be 36, I could be dating someone who was close to Tim, and I could even be out to get you cos your trashing Tims name.
There could be a group of us, or there could be one of us,
Just keep checking over your shoulder, cos I could be anyone.
I could be Roberta or i could be Brenda, I could be an old girlfriend of Tim's or I could be a relative of his....
What do you know....
Nothing, nothing at all.
For the record, Andrea was a married woman right from Tim's trial, and he thought alot of her, but that was all, there was nothing romantic going on, she even says that herself.
Cate could have been his closest female friend cos she used to visit with him. But no prisoner can mantain a proper relationship with a woman, from behind 6 inch plexiglass, now can they.
You should know that, being locked up yourself.
From
ME......... who is me I wonder...............................
Isnt canada beautiful....... I love it... the scenery is breathtaking in some parts.........
Did i mention I have friends that send emails for me.....
OOOOPS letting the cat out of the bag...........
Trolley Dollies get the best of both worlds I find;........
One country one day, another the next.....
Some of us are soooo lucky..... to travel for our jobs.....
hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe
At 09:35 AM 5/22/02 +0100, Sad_Lisa wrote:
Well, you ALSO sent me a picture of just your face, with light brown hair, and one in a hospital with your sick kid. As i recall, they look NOTHING like that one with your dog. Girl, the fact that it's taken so far away from the camera makes it nearly impossible to see any features clearly. Could you please send those other two that you had on Gateway? As i recall, your legs were very fat in the hospital picture. Do you still have it? The other was a portrait, rather large but close-up. It had a puffy face but looked a bit like Charlotte Church. Oh yeah, you did say you resembled her. That doesn't look like you in the picture taken several yards from the photographer. You aren't looking into the camera or anything. But who can see your face??
I dare you to send a close-up. I can send a far-away one too, just like you and you can't really tell much. I can barely see your face. Also, the baggy sweater obstructs a multitude of sins,I imagine. You ain't no tall and skinny chick. Chick.
hahahahah
So how does it feel to be on the receiving end of so much crap????!!!!
We ALL have good pics and bad. It's that simple. Have you only ONE itty bitty shot of yourself? Coward. i wasn't afraid to show unflattering pics.
Nice try, but it's not good enough.
He knew that people would continue to exploit him way after his death. Yup, just like LISA does. i have decided that the public has a right to see that Tim was no monster.
And how does she know this? From the countless, heartfelt letters she received from him?? HEIDI, I HATE HER! UGH!~
----- Original Message -----
From: Sad_Lisa
To: Heidi_Seek:
Sent: Thursday, May 21, 2002 3:40 PM
Subject: Re: Your pathetic attempts to lie....
Heidi, I have a publisher, Sidney Childs, who has been following my writing career since I was 18. He is awaiting the finish of my novel and are going to publish it shortly after I submit it to them. I really have no need of telling you all this, as you will accuse me of lying about this too.
You and your buddies, Roberta and Brenda, who either recruited you to pretend to be my friend and then turn around and screw me but good, or else you are actually one of them, are actually good fodder for my new book. Of course, your names will be different--it's fiction after all---but the main plot deals with the dark side of the Internet. Tim figures in it as the catalyst to all of the cutthroat antics you all pull. However, do not think for a minute that your stories are at the forefront. I am not a fan of revenge---you will be sympathetic in some ways----I hate being cruel to anyone, even you, Roberta and Brenda, because something must have gone very wrong with your lives if you feel the only power you can wield is online.
I'm glad for you about the letters. There is no point in my arguing about it anymore. Only you know the truth, I do not. You and only you know about them----you never share any of them with anyone, as if Tim gives a rat's ass if you show them to anybody or not. I suspect they were sexually explicit ones, as he was heavily into porn and was "horny as fuck." The fact that you have lambasted Sarah for asking you not to talk about sex with Tim repeatedly speaks volumes. The only woman that Tim showed warmth, love and kindness was to Andrea Peters. She saw a side of Tim none of us saw. She always got his valentines, right up until the end. Tim did not trust many people. He knew that people would continue to exploit him way after his death.
You may ask if my book will do just that and it will not. After deliberating for many months, whether to use Tim himself or someone with a different name that is actually him, i have decided that the public has a right to see that Tim was no monster.
I do not want to keep up this dialogue of negativity. It's not good for either one of us. You are going to think whatever you want to. i cannot change that. But i am through trying to justify my actions or my work.
And I am NOT jealous of you, Andrea or Cate. In case you've missed it, I have a heartfelt link dedicated to Andrea, along with her picture, on my site. That doesn't sound like someone who hates her, does it? And I love Sarah's picture and link dedicated to Cate. i happen to agree with her.
Let's just stop all this----I hate arguing, it wastes too much energy. I have a three-hour power walk ahead of me and I need all my energy for that.
Take care.
sincerely,
lisa
One more thing: Anyone can have a skankmail account from any part of the world. Your British slang is on the mark, but as far as I know, you are about as British as President Bush. If by chance you are from Manchester, that doesn't mean you are still living there.
At 03:06 PM 5/22/03 +0100, Heidi_Seek wrote:
Get real Lisa, YOU are the sick person, not me. I have no need to lie about letters, I had the letters before I'd even heard of you and your mental conditions.
Tim did not write to you.. You only wish he did, and as far as a book about Tim goes, you have not a hope in hell. Pigs will fly before you could find a publisher, even if you could write, which you can't. You are not a writer, you just want to be one, but your mental conditions let you down. No I am not addicted to the internet, I don't really use it that much, unlike you and your tv, if your not dreaming wet dreams of Tim, your having a breakdown. Why would I be jealous of any woman who knew Tim, I can more than hold my own with men, unlike you, I have a personality, just the one. Not like you with multiple ones.
I have not emailed Brenda, why would I?? To be honest, im not sure why the hell I'm emailing someone with as many personalities as you.
So get over it Lisa, if Tim was here, whether it be in jail or free, he still wouldnt touch you with a barge pole. Apart from your mental health, your not the best looker are you??? And before you say Tim was better than that, let me assure you, he wasnt into ugly women, so thats you out of the running.
So give up your pathetic attempts to try and explain a man you have no idea about,
By the way, don't bother writing to his family again, they think your as potty as the others that write asking for stuff. So save your stamps. you dippy bitch.
Go back and book your self a break in the loony bin, its the best place for you.
TIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIM thats all you can talk about, go get your self a girlfriend instead, because you're obviously nothing but a fucking dyke.
PS The pic I sent you last year,
Yes lisa that was me......... got a problem with that????
I have no need to lie about who I am.
Check out the signature on these e-mails from Heidi_Seek. We're talking ultimate irony time:
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