I prayed because it was expected of me or especially when I needed help. I frequented the sacraments more out of fear rather than of love or devotion. Soon I lost the sense of sin as I was blinded by the movies I watched, the books I read and the music I listened to and I began to question certain moral values that I was brought up with.
By around this time I had found a good job & was quite contented with life. Then I happened to meet a couple of friends whose way of life took me completely by surprise. They seemed so much in love with God & took great care to live a Christian life. However this did not stop me from making fun of my faith & said things to them like, the best thing I like about Mass was when the priest said, �Go the Mass has ended� & the congregation responded, �Thanks be to God.� Soon these friends were asking me to read the Bible (this was not a habit with me) and one morning as I was just about to leave for work, I suddenly had an urge to read it. Since it was morning, I told myself, �lets see what the Lord has to tell me today�, so I flipped open an old New Testament which was in my shelf, collecting dust and I read the first line my eyes fell upon. �Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?�(Acts 9:4). You can imagine my feelings because I
immediately knew my sin. As it was becoming late I left for work
& promptly forgot the whole thing. The next morning came, and as I was leaving for work I was reminded to read the Bible, so I flipped it open, and guess what, my eyes fell upon the very same verse, �Saul, Saul, why do u persecute me?� And the Lord did not leave it there because it happened on the third day again.
This incident got me thinking. I wanted to know more about this God who was stirring up my life and one night I told Him so (I think that was the most sincere prayer, I ever made). I started reading the Bible & it became so alive that I used to spend hours reading it. The Lord led me to a couple of retreats that changed my life forever. Never before have I experienced His love so powerfully as I did in that month of May 1998. He washed me clean of my sins, removed my heart of stone and put within me a new heart of flesh and anointed me afresh with His Holy Spirit. Never again did I have a desire to go back to the books and music that I indulged in. Mass had a whole new meaning and never again seemed boring and each time I receive the Lord it�s a brand new experience that fills me with joy. Now I think it�s a privilege for us, Catholics,
that we can actually receive the Lord, in the form of bread, to nourish & sustain us. Nothing will take me away from the Eucharist for it is there that I have experienced joy, comfort and deliverance.
It�s true that since May 1998, I have fallen, quite hard at times but the Lord is always there faithful & kind, ready to pick me up and I�m sure that the God who began the good work within me will continue His work until it is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ comes back again.(Phil: 1:6). Praise the Lord.
