listen carefully now children


listen closely now... this may save your life...
or maybe not.


1. on the inside of the blink 182 'enema of the state' opposite the spine, it says viking wizard eyes, wizard full of lies. its hard to see cuz its in white and the background colour is yellow
2. if you get a funny garlic taste in your mouth when you havent been eating any, you may be poisoned by arsenic
3. the swastika was originally a symbol of peace and honour
4. the spine for ker-plunk by green day is upside down
5. red cars are more likely to be involved in an accident
6. there are 336 dimples on the average golfball.
7. it is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open
8. you probably can't lick your elbow. go on, give it a go. (i can hehe)
9. a chicken lost its head and lived for 18 months without it. the owners named it 'mike'.
10. theres a place in the US called ding-dong. there is also a place in germany called wank. and a lace in france called brest. im so immature ~sighs~
11. if you want a divorce in some parts of india, you need to marry a tree because it is illegal to have two partners.
12. approx. 150 people are killed each year by falling coconuts.
13. a third of taiwanese funerals include... a stripper.
14. in 1631, two london bible printers accidentally left the word 'not' out of the seventh commandment, which then read, 'Thou Shalt Commit Adultery.' this legendary book is now known as the Wicked Bible. (taken from catholic apologetics)
15. coca cola was originally green. yum yum. also, a can of diet coke floats in water, but normal coke sinks.
16. in saudi arabia, a woman candivorce her husband if he doesnt give her coffee.
17.
althaiophobia is the fear of marshmallows.
18. the other day i followed my mum shopping and found a brand of canned food called 'cock'. i immediately put it next to the brand 'elephants'
19. on average, there are 178 sesame seeds on each mcdonalds bigmac bun
20. eggs explode when you put them in the microwave
21. so do grapes
22. beanie babies, when put in the microwave will expand. if it is not taken out quickly enough itll stay that way. if you leave it in for way too long it will also explode. and the plastic beans will stick to your microwave walls.
23. when you put furbies in the microwave they begin talking in a darth vader-like voice. then they start smoking.
24. the most funny joke from belgium is:
'q. why do ducks have webbed feet? a. to stamp out fires
q. why do elephants have flat feet? a. to stamp out burning ducks
25. in italy, the beginning of lent is celebrated by throwing oranges at each other.
26. lemons contain more sugar than strawberries.
27. lemons also contain more sugar than oranges.
28. lemonade is probably very bad for your teeth.
29. on average, 13 people a year are killed by alling vending machines.
30. 40% of the female population have thrown footwear at men.
31. mostbabies are born in august
32. you are more likely to be killed by a chamagne cork than a poisonous spider
33. 'Australian Graham Barker extracted his own belly button fluff every day for 18 years acquiring a record-breaking amount of fluff. He hopes to accumulate enough fluff to stuff a pillow.' (from the guiness book of records)
34. there is one chance in 5000 youll get killed i na car crash
35. there is one chance in 700,000 youll get killed by a dog
36. there is one chance in 1,000,000 youll die in the bath
37. there is one chance in 2,000,000 youll get killed in a tornado
38. there is one chance in 2,000,000 youll get killed falling out of bed
39. the sperm whales penis is 10 feet long. the elephants is 5"6... thats my height... =S
40. the strongest muscle in the human body is the tongue ~winks~
41. the pigs orgasm lasts for half an hour. but only dolphins and humans have sex for pleasure... lol
42. a duck's quack doesn't echo.
43. on average, a hundred people choke to death on biros each year
44. 'typewriter' is the longest word in english to be written only using the top line of keyboards.
45. the electric chair were invented by a dentist. dun dun.
46. 'go.' is the shortest complete sentence in the english language.
47. if Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33, she would stand seven feet, two inches tall
48. the cigerette lighter was invented before the match



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