i am one 50% by birth and 100% by marriage, so those of you who are 100% by birth - pls don't mind !! ~ AKASH SAIGAL

** The Complete Sardarji Encyclopaedia **
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Sardarji is buying a TV................. "Do you have color TVs?" "Sure." "Give me a green one, please."
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Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken. * * * * * *
How do you get a Sardar on the roof? Tell him the drinks are on the house.
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"Oh, look at the dead bird." Sardar looked skyward and said "Where?, Where?
* * * * * *
What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them but you never see them.
* * * * * *
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.
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Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
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What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears? Trying to hold on to a thought.
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Why do Sardars work seven days a week? So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
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Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.
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How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw it off a cliff.
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What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel
* * * * *
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes? The back of his head.
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Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" Just a sec," says the rep. Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
* * * * * *
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job.
He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" :
He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes
* * * * * *
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"
That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed."
All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"
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Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!"
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The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?"asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home."
* * * * *
Sardars Hari Singh and Giani Singh are in a railway station. Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" "No," answers the Railway man. "Can I?" asks Giani Singh
* * * * *
A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
* * * * *
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
* * * * * *
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
* * * * * *
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
* * * * * *
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" " Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
* * * * * *
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space. The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (its the barking sound) "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!" "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!" "Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking, feed thedogs and don't touch anything!"
* * * * *
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on astreet which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if hewants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says"Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get aladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
* * * * *
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. SantaSingh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But, Unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared todeath. He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver.
* * * * * *
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." " Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ....what happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back."
* * * * * *
A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for 350.
The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears,listens to the Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," sardarji complains again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies "But we didn't use it". The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100."
"That's right," says the sardarji, "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.
"Well," the Sardarji replies, "she was here, and you could have."

COUSINS READING IN COPY - Pls don't show it to your fathers, the mothers are OK !!

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