THE LOVE DRESS
The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress" the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "My husband loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy. I would appreciate it if you would leave because he will be home from work any minute."
The mother-in-law was tired of all this romantic talk and left. On the way home she thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and waited by the front door. Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her standing naked by the door. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress" she replied. "Needs ironing." he said.

WHY YELLING AT A MAN DOESN'T WORK
What a woman says:
This place is a mess! C'mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now!
What a man hears:
blah,blah,blah,blah, C'MON
blah,blah,blah,blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah,blah,blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah,blah,blah,blah, NO CLOTHES
blah,blah,blah,blah, RIGHT NOW !!

3 VIRGINS
A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent a card from Vermont a week later, along with a pack of Benson & Hedges, with the slogan: "Extra Long. King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British Airways".
Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Mom fainted.

HUMOUR-HEIGHTS!
Height of patience: A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree.

Height of frustration: A boxer trying to scratch his balls.

Height of Innocence: A teenager girl applying Clearasil to her nipples.

Height of Unemployment: Cobwebs in the hole of the prostitute.

Height of laziness: A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.

Height of Competition: A guy peeing beside a waterfall.

Height of Sophistication: Sucking nipples with a straw.

Height of Disgust: While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes through the paper.
Height of Technology: Condom with zip.

Height of Trouble: A one handed man hanging from a cliff and his ass itching.

Height of bravery-a naked man picking something from the ground in an island of gays.

Q & A
Q: Why do men like to watch porno movies backward?
A: They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.
Q: Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
A: Place to hang their air freshener.
Q: What is the first thing a blonde hears in the morning?
A: "See ya."
Q: What is the first thing a brunette hears in the morning?
A: "Sssshh. I have to call my wife."
Q: Why can't a woman ski?
A: Because there is no snow from the bedroom to the kitchen.
Q: What do u call a mexican without a lawnmower?
A: Unemployed.
Q: Why doesnt mexico have an olympic team?
A: becasue everyone who could jump, run or swim is in the US.
Q: How do u starve a black man?
A: hide his food stamps under his work boots.

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