rants n raves

by tom miller

 

 

11/30/98 - 1:28 A.M.

 

nice boy - 1 : miller - 0

 

 

you o so predictable life you.

 

you ordinary, cliché, i-saw-you-coming-a-mile-away, life.

 

how typical you are. of course. of course.

 

 

*****

 

 

nice boy called yesterday. it was so reassuring to hear his voice, because the week in his absence was filled with doubt. this isn't working, i thought. this is going nowhere.

 

but there he was. and on the phone, he sounded so kind and thoughtful; even when he told me about the guy he had met at the club the night before.

 

"he's sort of infatuated with me," nice boy said. "he paged me today, but i haven't called him back yet."

 

"really," i said. "that's... great. sure it is." biting my lip now; "so, do you like him?"

 

"he's real sweet. good looking, too."

 

i thought about the dental work and plastic surgery i've been putting off. i thought about being 33. i thought about the bad clothing i wear; about the smell of my breath; about the slightness of my build.

 

"that's... fantastic." i said. my fist clenching the phone. "so, do you still want to go out tonight?"

 

"sure." he said. maybe there was hope.

 

we planned to meet at eight. i would finish my shift, sweep up the club, and we'd maybe go to my place to see a movie, or out to get something to eat.

 

eight came and went. then nine. things weren't going to happen, i figured. but then, i saw him. his eyes, his face, his hair. he walked in and with him was... (TA DAAAAA!)

 

the other guy.

 

they were arm in arm.

 

"hi." he said. "we made it."

 

 

*****

 

they waited for me outside. as i swept up the cigarette butts and the dust and the plastic cups and the condom wrappers, i saw myself in the pile i was making. i wanted to dump myself into the trash along with the residue of cheap talk and hollow lust, and disappear away from this.

 

but i got my wits about me. no jealousy, i thought. i will not indulge it. i'll be his friend. i'll meet his love interest, and we'll all go out to dinner, and then i'll go home alone. maybe it will be fun.

 

and that's what i resolved to do, and that's what i did. the other guy was as nice as nice boy. he was from georgia. texas and georgia, the hi-howyadoin states. in fact, he was so congenial, i felt like nice boy's father approving a date.

 

you win, i thought. you're young, attractive; hell, you were made for each other. and when the night was over, i had them drop me off. they let me out of the back seat and i waved as they drove away. then i went inside and went to bed.

 

 

*****

 

 

there would be no love in november. not for this writer. just empty moments, empty bottles, and a few words to remember the days for all time.

 

 

 

(don't tune in next week. it's over.)

 


back...
Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1