10 Gallon Hats O� Blood

            A Novel by Tom Miller

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            PART 3 - CHAPTER 20

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Bad Ed Cracky came to town

the sheriff for to see

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He had his guns and had his knife

and had his flask o� whiskey

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Grizzard the rip had just been named

the Flatsacks deputy

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He told the sheriff he would go

and stop old Ed Crack-y

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They met in town on the dusty road

and each one aimed their gun

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Grizzard the Rip let fly a thunderous

fart that darkened the sun

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But Cracky was a wise one and he

had a mean surprise

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His ass had gas and he was fast

he let his own fart fly

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The stink was so unbearable

the flowers wilted and died

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and Grizzard the Rip was bested

as the fumes irritated his eyes

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He gasped for air but none was there

and he began to cry

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He fell down dead and never came back to life

although he tried

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And now with nothing and nobody

standing in the way

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Cracky called out for the sheriff

"Come outside and play!"

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Ed was ready for a fight but

what a fight he got

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from Sheriff Useless P. Clodstopper

The "P" stands for Pickalottacumswatch

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Useless walked along the road

his hand tight on his gun

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He’d had enough of Western stuff

his whore was dead and that was enough

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to fuel his fire for revenge

and kill Ed Cracky like a door hinge

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Would you like to eat an orange?

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Fine Rhine wine from�

Spain?

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They stopped and stared each other down

their trigger fingers itchy

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The townsfolk watched the drama

and the whores were getting bitchy

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A terrible silence filled the air and

nary a bird was flying

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It would only be ten seconds

before one or the other was dying

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They reached� they drew

and fired two and both men were still standing

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Nobody knew whom had shot whom

because both men were standing

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and as I have said before

both the men were standing

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Let me say it once again

that both the men were standing

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Cracky made a funny face

his balls began to tingle

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He fell face first into the dust

and worms began to mingle

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and the best piano player ever in the West

fell down dead because he had a bullet in his chest

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You see, Ed Cracky was a fearsome villain of some fame

but for all his evil deeds he had pathetic aim

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Then the sheriff put his smoking gun back in his pocket

Without a word he walked away� he walked into the sunset

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Without a word he walked away

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He

walked

into

the

sunset