10 Gallon Hats O’ Blood
A Novel by Tom Miller
CHAPTER 2
And the Sheriff was heading for the town of Flatsacks; the meanest town in the West. It was said that the worst men in the state had robbed the Bunkerheim Bank. The owner of the bank, Buke Bunkerheim, got so tired of it, he installed a special window where the robbers could go and get all the money without causing trouble. The bank had been robbed by the likes of Ed "Mule Butt" Cracky, Arthur "One Ball Hanging" McGillicutty, Sammy "Breastman" Kates, Reddog "Bluedog" Yellowdog, Lippy "Don't You Ever Make Fun of My Lip" Smacks, and Farlo "Old Midget With One Leg" Gimp.
These bandits lived on the land at the outskirts of town, and when they were hungry, they came into Flatsacks and took what they wanted. Wine, whiskey, horses, and women. They terrorized the townsfolk with threats of violence. There was one fellow who reckoned himself a regular Billy the Kid. She was only seven years old and she had a pop gun. One day, the gang came into town to rob the Bunkerheim Bank. They parked their horses, which they stole as mentioned earlier, and entered the bank with their guns blazing.
"All right," said Ed Cracky, the leader of the gang and the one with the smarts, "Git down! This here's a robbery."
"Yeah, yeah. We know. We know." said the bank customers in unison, pointing to the direction of the Robber's Window. Cracky went to the window while the other gunmen covered him. The teller held out a bag of money.
"Thank you kindly, mam," said Ed, and he took the money. The gang cautiously moved outside, keeping an eye out for snipers. They mounted their horses and were about to ride out of town, when a lone figure stood in their way.
"Don't you ugly liver eatin' sons of bitches move one inch." The voice was high and non-threatening, but nevertheless, the words were said, and they was fightin' words. It was Little Wendy. She had on a bright spotted play dress and spurs. Her toy popgun at her side, she looked like the devil himself stepped out of a nightmare and blew fire. Well, she was trying to look like that, but instead she just looked cute. Her puppy stood defiantly by her side.
"This town's had enough of you scoundrels. Now you're going to pay for what you done. Now you're all gonna' die like the dogs you are. Specially you, Reddog "Bluedog" Yellowdog.
There was a short pause of time where the men just looked at each other, and then they began to laugh. Ed Cracky got off his horse and strode up to the little girl. He towered above her a good five feet, but to be respectable, he dropped to his knees and looked right into the barrel of Little Wendy's gun.
"Now what you got there?" he said. "Is that yore gun? What you gonna' do? Shoot me? You gonna shoot me with your little toy there? You gonna' gimmie some? Is that what you're gonna' do?"
Little Wendy fired the weapon and the cork broke through Ed's eye and stopped halfway into his skull. Ed fell back, grabbed his eye and began to scream as the puppy gnawed on his boot.
"Fuckin' cunt shot me in the eye!" He shouted. He kicked his foot as hard as he could and the puppy flew up into the air. The gang drew their guns and if you've ever seen one of those Westerns where the guy throws up a coin and another guy blows about six holes in it, well, it was sort of like that. Then they turned their guns on Little Wendy and shot about forty rounds at her. There was a cloud of dust and Ed rolled out of the way and quickly climbed back on his horse. When the dust cleared, Little Wendy stood there with her gun at her side.
"You missed me." she said. With that, she turned and walked down Main Street and into the town.
"Who was that girl?" asked Arthur "One Ball Hanging" McGillicutty?
"I don't rightly know," Replied Ed. "But I'll tell you this. If she ever grows up to become a town whore, I ain't gonna' fuck her."
"Me neither," said Sammy, Lippy, and Reddog.
"I will," said Farlo the Midget.
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