S.F.
Matheson Avenue was only six years old when he opened his first lemonade stand on the corner of the block where he lived. At first, only one or two customers would grace his cardboard facility and exchange a dime for the delicious home made beverage. He had to think and be creative if he expected to become a millionaire selling lemonade. He had to add a twist, something that would be an instant sell and something that would provide his income base with value. Wait a minute, he thought to himself, that's it. A twist! A twist of lemon in his lemonade! It had never been done before. No mass-market drink had added such a personal touch. An authentic twist of lemon, peel and all, in the traditional beverage! What a brilliant idea!
In only three short years, Matheson Avenue Lemonade with a Twist O' Lemon became the number one selling drink in the United States and the Chairman of the corporation was only nine years old. Then Matheson Avenue came up with an even more brilliant idea that put his business in league with Edible Panty Shields, now appearing in new sweet and sour flavors. He set his plants up in impoverished countries where the labor was so cheap it wasn't even funny, and there was no law against using illegal immigrants and children to work fifteen, sixteen, twenty-two hours a day. Hell, you didn't even have to pay them. Just give them a cracker every so often to go with their allotment of one glass of Matheson Avenue Lemonade with a Twist O' Lemon per shift.
"Son," Avenue said to Bob in earnest, "Have I got a deal for you. Have you ever taken a small wedge of lemon and twisted it with your hands until the juice sprayed out, and then dropped this twist into a can of liquid?"
"No, sir." Bob replied, "But I'm willing to learn if I can hang out with a really rich guy."
"Son, money doesn't come from trees, you know that don't you? Money comes from sacrifice, hard work, dedication, raping the land, selling out to special interests, sex on the docks; you get me? What I'm offering to you, and pardon my eyebrows, is a chance to make something of yourself, something your parents can be proud of, something you can live with. Something that will allow you to feel the pride and joy in what you do. Something that will one day be the envy of the world and make me President of the United States." Avenue leaned in to add dramatic emphasis to his offer. "Boy, how would you like to pinch lemons into cans of soda, just because I asked you to?"
"Would I? Yes sir. I'd run my back through the spinning prop of a boat motor if I thought it would get me a new job. I was getting sick of newspaper delivery anyway."
"Apparently, so were your customers." added Matheson with a wink. "The answer to customer satisfaction is a twist 'O lemon. It's that kind of personal attention that gets you a nice car, a nice house, a nice plane, a nice golf course, and a nice harem of bitches to cater to your every whim while your wife is working at the Burger House. Stick with me, kid. I'll teach you the ropes. I'll show you the ins and outs. If you're really good, I'll let you touch my monkey."
"Boy, howdy!"