| My Expressions (written rambling, stories & shared conversations) |
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| 22/01/2003 your anger pierced my ears like the needle that deflated my heart which once held such love for the one i had wished for a fallen star with a low self-esteem so young and vulnerable that's what was left of me once i had been thrown to the gutter just rubbish as your words lies of the blinded you put me up high upon a pedestal i was the angel of strength given in order for you to survive hurt, loss and life stepping out to prove you're strong hiding the tears shed over the one who took your heart returned in pieces only to refelct what was shared too late you looked into the mirror recognising yourself as well who opened her up drowning memories kept unsalvageble form the ruins a rocky road that's misty no light at the other end darkness on the past as you blew out the candle giving up and dismissing no lines open for communication the door is now shut unable to deal hey or maybe you not the same rebellion and your thirst for experience taught tough love by a wiser source not young enough to have been the right choice ensureing knowledge of gossip which falls upon deaf ears overwhelmed by guilt done not on purpose but out of fear anxiety of the future in the end unresolved who's lost too many chances wasted thinking of insects crawling back which are crushed under the your big black boots a false mask of toughness changed not for the better it's not a win-win situation which will repeat until eyes are opened wide enough to admit sadness claimed to have already battled and won gotten over the meaningless it is just the beginning for a teen you tasted the leather that you'll lick smart mouthed to have spoken words for effect causing no reaction to those who already know no secret anymore given up on the fight realizing the loss make up |
| How do you do? I am the chick who fucked her up! I lay there playing with your pierced belly button / Tickling the hairs that surrounded the little scared hole / Your soft pale skin looked untouched by the sun / No spots or blemishes interrupted your body / I allowed my hands to wander upward / So that I could caress your breasts / Between your ribs I noticed a scar / Hadn't seen it before and it looked new / I traced the silky raised line with my finger And it began to slowly open up / The line turned into a dark red hole / Blood poured out and I could see your heart / The staples in your chest told me it was once broken / While the opening-oozing wound said it was yet to heal / I remember once I tried to mend it / But you wanted nothing more from me so I left / I will now plunge my fist within you / Into your open wound and hold your heart / In my hand it rests and it is now that I have the power / You lay helpless / Unlike your once strong exterior / It is I that now has the power / To rip it out and keep it as a memory. |
| if i were... if i were a body part i would be your breast which i seek for comfort and cover in soft little kisses to say 'thank-you' if i were a body part i would be your back that shows your inner strength which is where i curl up to fall asleep if i were a body part i would be your tummy so soft and warm like a hot water bottle where i rest my head and hear you gurgle if i were a body part i would be your arms that hold me close to show you care and rock me when i am sad if i were a body part i would be your heart which beats "I love you" that if said makes mine beat it too |
| In reply� The years that had brought love and happiness began to grow sour and filled with tears for me, yet they continued in hope of a resolution. The once fairytale-like story was now a winding corkscrew down into my stomach where the butterflies tried their hardest to flutter out. The ending was near yet you wouldn't accept the truth and allowed me to grow thin, tired, and sad. No life remained in my soul, instead a great moth was eating me away, and I was only a shadow of what the early days shone. The initial minutes brought a sense of relief and unburdened me of that huge weight upon my shoulders. Yet for you it brought tears, disbelief and a huge gaping hole in your life. I hadn't told you that I knew before; maybe I was trying to protect you. The hours passed slowly, sleepless nights, tears, pain and a sense of loss. I began to see the light again, re-discovering myself and who I was before you entered my life on that one afternoon. It's funny because you seem to forget that you begged me to remain friends if that's all we would be, but that seems lost. The days crept slowly for you, surrounded by our friends, offering advice and consoling you. As usual they believed me when I put up my strong front and lied of being ok, even though I hurt as much or even more than you. It seems I was the bad one and you were the innocent, I declared I was coping just fine, and so I was. The days turned into months where I had my share of ups and downs with still no one by my side. I had not begun the search and nor did I want to, I was happy being me and not needing to worry about love. Soon the cool crisp air turned warm and summer brought new hope and healing of my wounds that were covered in the autumn leaves. The world began to hold such possibilities and new loves for me, while you were still wrapped up tight in your cotton wool, friends treating you with delicate kid gloves afraid you were too fragile and might break. The months taught me that we would never be the friends you had wanted and that you had kept the friendships we had built. The cobwebs grew on the memories and reminders of what was said and done and rings we had once exchanged were now buried with the old. It doesn't seem to hit you that without me some of the others wouldn't have existed. You attempted to grab me by placing some pretty words on paper, to which I reply now as being too late and too little. It didn't affect me nor would it, as it was an effortless piece strung together to provoke, which it did not. You failed sweetie and now it's too late. It wasn't long before I opened up, ready to accept and start anew, I didn't know how hard it would be. With new love came your jealousy and bitchiness, such a horrible face you carried around believing me to hate you, when in fact it wasn't so. I made it this far alone without you my dear. I wasn't looking up when the sun was shining, so I had not noticed what was before me. The new was here and awaiting, yet my bruised soul wasn't letting it in even thought I wanted it so. It circled, persisted, drove me literally insane until I raised my hands up and claimed defeat. So here I am now in the arms of another and you pushing me away, forgetting what we had. Farewell sweet friend how nice it was to get to know thee. |
| after breakup It seems no easier a task on my behalf to end a relationship and start a friendship. To me you are always the same, and so is the love that we shared and will continue to bring to one another. The road we are traveling is cast in shadows and unknowns but at least we are traveling down it together. It may seem this is the end but it could very well be a pause or a new beginning...only time will tell. I won't let you go chicky babes cos you mean too much to me. So we shall take a break and savor life step by step. There is still so much for us to do, go and say. It seems weird not running to you when the tears begin to flow or I need a hug and someone to love me. I still miss you and love you although it's important that we let this break wake us up. You mustn't be sad or shed a tear cos what we had and have is quite special, I do know that. I am not one to speak, so I write, even though it may seem my heart is black it's quite alive! So do you want to take my hand and go on this new adventure? If you do I promise to make this new relationship of friends a special one. I understand that you may need time and contemplation. Allow time to heal and to talk to family and friends...when the time is right I shall be here. |
| Goddess can i tempt you? allow me to worship your body/to suckle on your breasts/to caress your woman's body/let me kiss you from head to toe/diving into your mound/to taste your honey relax into me/i will slip into you slowly/inside you are warm and wet/gripping me with your energy/milking my fingers for more i part your lips with my tongue/playing with you/tugging and nibbling/we fall into a mystical kiss/together we dive into the bliss/you make my head spin you awaken me from my slumber/i am tied to your castle/above me you sit/caressing my swollen breasts and clit/do you hunger for me as i do you? shall i be a sacrifice/to have and to hold/until i possibly awake from my BDSM dreams with cuffs around my wrists/clothes torn from my body/i lay naked and open/you are my boi and lover/handling my bottom with grace/spanking me until i am wet for you |