"Warning: activity is hazardous to your health" ----fitnessgram stansards for healthy fitness zone *with altercation*
"Today, watching television often means fighting, violence and foul language -- and that's just deciding who gets to hold the remote control." -Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes fame
"Beauty is only skin deep. But ugly -- now that's probably got some nasty roots on it." --Crabby Road
"He drops more names than a telephone book with bad binding." --Michel Marriott
"She talks so fast that trying to interject is like threading the needle of a sewing machine while it's running." --Nelda Flynn
"Philosophy of Life: What it comes down to is, when you come into the world you have nothing ... when you leave you have nothing ... and in between there's the IRS." --Bob Thaves (Frank & Ernest)
"Words skittered out of his mouth like cartoon dogs on fresh-waxed linoleum, frantically going nowhere." --Amy Tan
"A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily." --Dan Seligman
"The big advantage of a book is it's very easy to rewind. Close it and you're right back at the beginning." --Jerry Seinfeld
"She uses tired clichis like coasters -- a place to rest her mind before picking it up and using it again." --Janet Schwind
"Charity begins at home." "At about 6:30, when they call you and interrupt your dinner." --Crabby Road
"The difference between America and England is that Americans think 100 years is a long time, while the English think 100 miles is a long way." --Earle Hitchner
"Anyone with money to burn will always find himself surrounded by people with matches." Joe Ryan
"If time were a color, I bet it would be a tasteful off-white." --Greg Parrish
"For some reason, immigrants always think that they have to join an onion before they're allowed to work." --Chris Gahan
"Whenever I'm driving through the desert, and I see a roadrunner, I run it over and say, "That's for the coyote!" I don't really like the coyote, but it's a good excuse to run over things." --Craig Stacey
"I was once in a spelling bee, but I lost because the other contastents cheeted." --Paul Paternoster
"If I can make just one person laugh, then it must've been a pretty good eulogy." --Wade Kwon
"I don't see why people waste good money buying blenders. A garbage disposal works just as well, and it comes with the apartment." --Paul Paternoster
"I'm addicted to placebos. I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make any difference." --Steven Wright
"Old lie -- The check is in the mail. New lie -- I didn't check the e-mail." --Brian Fine
"I won't stand for gossip! No, I sit down and make myself comfortable for gossip." --Crabby Road
"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly." --Batman Costume warning label
