FUNNY QUOTES BY FAMOUS PEOPLE

Michael Jackson "I'm Peter Pan, No really, I'm Peter Pan"

Dan Quayle "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

Steve Martin "A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

Dan Quayle "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

George Bush, US President "I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions --but I don't always agree with them."

Bob Dole "The internet is a great way to get on the net"

Robbie Williams " I'm scum and I'm your son"

Dan Quayle "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

Matt Lauer "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."

Brooke Shields, "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

Mayor Marion Barry, Washington DC- "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."

Mariah Carey "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

"The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others." - Gerry Brown

"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another." - George Bush, US President

"Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand." - Duffy Daugherty , football coach and sports analyst

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" - Lee Iacocca

"Please provide the date of your death." - From an IRS letter

"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes." - Richard Nixon, US President

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." - Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony

"We are sorry to announce that Mr Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover." - Parish Magazine

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." - Bill Peterson, football coach

"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a-it is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation." - Dan Quayle, US VP

"Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it." - Mike Smith, Baseball pitcher, ordering a salad at a restaurant

"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally." - Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst

"Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything." - Ivana Trump, upon finishing her first novel

"I've read about foreign policy and studied-I know the number of continents." - George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." - Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." - Dan Quayle "Potatoe" - Dan Quayle

"The road of good intentions is paved with Hell." - Spencer Ante

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." - Keppel Enderbery

"The loss of life will be irreplaceable." - Dan Quayle

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." - Dan Quayle

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." - Dan Quayle

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on." - Samual Goldwyn

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago..." - Dan Quayle

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." - Jason Kidd

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." - Dan Quayle

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." - Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce." - Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." - Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

"I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members." - Groucho Marx

"Antidotes are what you take to prevent dotes." - Anon