THINGS YA GOTTA
HATE
OKAY, OKAY...........
SO WE ALL HATE WHEN THE FAST FOOD JOINT SCREWS UP OUR ORDER OR
WHEN SOMEONE CUTS US OFF IN TRAFFIC.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT HERE.
THIS IS OBSCURE SHIT THAT WE RARLEY THINK ABOUT, BUT IRRITATES US
ALL THE SAME.
SEE WHAT YA THINK ABOUT MY SHIT....AND THEN E-MAIL ME
SOME OF YOUR OWN.
1. KETCHUP SMEARED BUNS ON A FAST FOOD BURGER.
Do ya think they would have served over a billion had their advertisement
pictures displayed the true way their burgers looked? And how about the sweat
spewing off of those luscious tomatoes and lettuce leaves???? How in the
hell are they ever ABLE to sweat with all that flippin' ketchup smothering
them???? But we sure do eat those little narly lookin' bastards, don't we????
Just do yourself a favor and NEVER look closely at the actual burger...'cause
that is some crude lookin' stuff.........we're talkin' a brown, squishy 'meat'
patty covered with ZITS AND SCABS.
2. IRRELEVANT DIALOGUE.....
Get to the point, ya biscuit flucker!
"So like, I was at the mall Monday and....or was it Tuesday?....Let's see, I went gerbil shopping on Sunday when my boyfriend/girlfriend got 'Gerbie' stuck up their butt and I had to buy a new one, so it must have been....." WHO GIVES A FLYING PHUCK?!
No one gives a schitt about all that extra crap!
3. VICTORIOUS BOXERS WHO 'PRAISE THE LORD'
"I'd just like to thank the Lord, my savior, for giving me the opportunity to win the fight...".
In other words, you're suggesting that GOD gave YOU strength to beat the *&^$*&^$ out of other guy? Does that mean that GOD hated the other guy? Did GOD want that dude to get phucked up? Or perhaps that other guy didn't pray 'correctly' or enough, and that pissed GOD off....so he allowed the winner to beat his ass. Well gee.....I guess that would also explain GOD allowing the Nazi's to annihilate the Jews wouldn't it?
OOPS.......sorry....got off on a tangent.
4. RUNAWAY SILVERWARE IN GARBAGE DISPOSAL
Tell me that RATTLING sound doesn't scare the hell out of you when you
turn the damn thing on.
5. DREAMING YOU'RE AT WORK ......
Then waking up and going there. Unless you're some psycho freak who loves
their job....
THIS IS SOME SCARY POOP.
6. HAVING A SEXUAL/ROMATIC DREAM & THEN SEEING THEM THE NEXT DAY
Ever notice how this usually applies to the people you would never EVER
consider doing this with.... embarrassing as hell. Then you wake up uneasy
and start getting nervous 'cause you know that in a few hours you gotta SEE
that person....and if they're butt-ugly, its twice the torture. On the other
hand, if they're a Babe-O-Freaka….
7. PEOPLE WHO PREDICT YOUR NEW MARRIAGE WON'T LAST 2 YEARS.... AND THEN THEY'RE RIGHT.
(Assholes!)
8. PENCIL SHARPENERS THAT SHARPEN THE LEAD
RIGHT OFF
(sons 'o bitches!)
9. ANSWERING MACHINES THAT SAY:
"We're not able to come to the phone right now, but if you leave a message, we'll call you as soon as possible"
(NO SHIT)
10. THE ASSHOLE BEHIND YOU WHO JUST HAS TO PASS YOU, DOES PASS YOU, BUT YOU'RE BOTH IN TRAFFIC!
(ya happy, genious?!)
11. THE FOLLOWING PHONE CONVERSATION:
THEM: "All right, what's your address?"
YOU: "It's 555 Melrose...."
THEM: "Wait, let me get something to write with..."
(need I say more?)
12. SHOWING SPORTS FANS ON TV SCREAMING: "WE'RE #1!"
BUT THEY'RE NOWHERE NEAR IT
13. PAPERCLIPS THAT CLIP TOGETHER
14. THE WORD 'POTTY'
(cheesy ass flucking word)
15. "I GOTTA TAKE A PISS"
(thanks for the visual... whatever happened to "I gotta use the
bathroom"?....like we give a Siberian Snow Yak's ass what you're gonna do
in there)
16. PEOPLE WHO PICK THEIR NOSE....AND THEN LOOK AT IT B4 DISPOSING OF IT
Why do we do this??? And we ALL do it. Yes you do, ya lyin' bastard. Are
we checking for color? Size? If it's male or female? We live in awe of boogers.
17. PEOPLE WHO ARE '18 1/2'...OR '19 IN 4 MONTHS'
Just say your REAL ^&%$%^&ing age for christ's sake! There is
no 'almost 18...or 19 or 20 or 21! You either ARE or you AREN'T. These are
(young) people who are ashamed and embarrased of their age and feel the need
to sugarcoat it....make them look older. But by saying this you sound even
younger, ya moron!
18. "Take 12 CD'S for FREE!!!!!"
Bulllllllshit! Do we KNOW what FREE means? It means "Here, take this.....and give NOTHING in return." NO conditions. If there were conditions.......IT WOULDN'T BE FREE!!!!!!! Therefore, what kind of conditions come w/ our 12 FREE cd's....
1. Pay shipping and handling
2. But 1 to 6 more cd's for their regular prices w/in the next 6 months to
3 years. Uhhhhh.......so, where's the FREE part?
"Well, you get 12 cd's that would normally cost you around $192, but you don't have to pay that. All you have to pay is for the shipping which is about $2.50 per item (a few cds...never ALL of them) and then buy a few more cd's at regular costs....which is about $17 per cd."
Ok, so instead of paying $192 for 12 cd's, you only have to pay:
A. $7.50 total for shipping
B. $18 to $108 for the remaining cd's (plus shipping).
Uh.........where's the FREE part?
"Well, there HAS to be some restrictions."
EXACTLY! SO DON'T CALL IT FREE!!!!!!!!!
19. "FASHIONABLY LATE"
&^%#&%$#^%$&%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is EASILY one of my worst! Question.......what the fluck is FASHIONABLE about being late? How in hell is it 'cool'? Its simply rude and disrespectful. It's also conceited.
"We'll be there sometime......we don't want to be the first and only ones there."
WHY NOT? SOMEONE has to arrive FIRST. Does being FIRST make that person uncool? If so, then you had BETTER not socialize w/ that person since they are SO UNCOOL for showing up FIRST at the function. And by NOT socializing w/ that person, you come off as conceited ANYWAY. Hmmmmmm.
Also, if a party begins at 8pm, pretty much no one will be there until after 9pm, and that amount will be small. If it begins at 10pm, you're now looking at people arriving at 11pm. Let's make it at MIDNIGHT......you now need to expect to see your fashionably late friends at Denny's.... THE NEXT MORNING.
Lastly, in my opinion, those who show up F-Late are basically telling you that they think you're a boring person whom they can't enjoy themselves around UNLESS OTHERS ARE PRESENT. Therefore, NEVER have a one on one lunch w/ these people without planning to bring A MARCHING BAND.
Example: One night I planned to have several people over for a special
movie. I made it clear that the movie would start at 8pm. Some people showed
up early or on time. They then had to WAIT for the F-Late fluckers. Therefore,
I closed and locked the door to the F-Late fluckers. Does that make me an
asshole? Of course not.....it makes the F-Late people ASSHOLES.
20. "Who else is there?"
This one applies to parties your friends throw. Why the hell does this
matter? Is the person who's place you're supposed to be at not good enough
to be at unless OTHERS are there? Do you feel you will be bored w/ JUST hanging
w/ them? If so, then you've just insulted them. Some friend you are......fuck
it, I don't want you at my event.
21. If you're gonna talk shit about winning
a video game, then you HAD BETTER be humble when you get your ass kicked
at it.
This one goes out to a few friends who talk mad shit
while they're winning, but ODDLY seem to shut up or make excuses when they
lose. You will RARELY hear them say "Good job!", and when you do, it'll be
patronizing. And its because of this attitude that I now talk my ASS off
when I beat someone at a game that I wasn't supposed to. Normally I would
be humble (I know when I suck at the game), but since they can't find it
in themselves to be humble.... I AM GONNA TALK SOME MAAAAAAAAAD SHIT! I am
gonna do everything I can to irritate the crap outta them........ until they
learn. And if they never learn......well, then I guarantee that MY shit talk
will irritate them much more then theirs towards me. They deserve it.
22. WHEN TELEMARKETERS SAY "WHAT IS A BETTER TIME TO REACH YOU?"
Uh......HELLO?
23. Excessive use of the "reply to all" button on e-mail.
Uh, people.......at what point did you assume that EVERYONE wanted YOUR opinion or response?
"Well, the person sent it to all these people
so I was only fallowing suit!"
Ok, and this is the point where you use your head and sense. No, I am not
going to explain this.
24.
ONLY $19.95....$199.99......$12,995!
Tell me you don't hate this crap from advertisers. It's supposed to be an
advertising strategy to make the product seem less expensive than it really
is. Its also very PATRONIZING!!!!!!! The goddamn product costs $20!!!!!
$200!!!!!!!! $15,000!!!!!!! SAY IT THE WAY IT IS, DICKHEAD CHICKENSHITS!!!!!!!
Because guess what....when ya add that lovely tax crap to it, I GAURANTEE
you that the cost is going to be WELL OVER $14,999!!!!!
25. Pop-Ups...but not the ordinary kind
We ALL hate online pop-ups, but I'm talkin' about the kind that pop up
halfwayOFF the screen and make you have to grab and drag them over just to
kill them.And sometimes they're set up so that, when you grab them, the rest
of their family POPS UP, TOO!
&^%$#^%$#@!!!!!!!!