"SIGNS"

(the Freak review)

First the dude scares the poop outta us with a little kid who sees dead people with attitude. He then confuses us with Bruce Willis playing Superman with side-kick Shaft having a bad hair-life.

What's next…Celebrity Death Match b/t Martha Stewart and Bin Laden????

How about Crop Circles, alien visitors and long-ass conversations on religion? I can see it now….E.T. waiting in a crop circle while playing with a dreidal (sp?).

The dude in question is M. Night Shyamalan, and now that he's developed a 6th sense and is quickly becoming the next Hitchcock, he's pretty much able to make a film about anything he wants. And don't get me wrong, I admire the freak enormously, but all I ask is that he picks ONE subject and makes a movie out of it. The guy could make a movie about the yellow pages and I'd watch it, but when you start throwing in the Bible and encyclopedia….I got issues.

Case in point (aka, da movie, "Signs")……..

Mel Gibson plays a former priest (he's former 'cause he done lost his faith when his wife died in a car accident). Mel lives with his children on a corn field/farm. One day, Mel discovers what corn does when people aren't watching….they create Crop Circles (those cool designs that some believe were made by aliens who always forget their way to Earth).

So Mel buddy freaks at first, but he assumes they were made by his neighbors who are apparently incredibly talented with a lawnmower.

But then his assumption dissolves when the news reports that these freaks of farm nature are appearing all over the world.

Well, Mel's theory of his robo-lawnmowing neighbors may be innacurate, BUT there is still a logical explanation (!)…..except, his son had been doing research into the phenomenon and it appears that it may come from ALIENS. Ok, no problem, afterall his kid is young, what the hell does he know?????

But Mel realizes its time to address the issue more seriously when his family begins wearing radio antennas on their heads in the form of Hershey's Kisses in hopes to keep the aliens from reading their minds.

Problem.

Not to mention that his dogs are dying, his daughter refuses to drink water and Mel witnesses skinny green legs playing in the fields.

So, his kids are going nuts, his brother is freaking out, the news keeps replaying "Independence Day" on TV, and Mel hasn't been a Lethal Weapon in years, so what does he do?

NO, I can't tell you, but I have a feeling you'll predict much of it ahead of time. Yes, it was very predictable (we're talkin' a foreshadowing wet dream here), but that wasn't my primary freak factor. I have major issues with any film that tries to squeeze too many profound subjects into 2 hours. Pick a subject and dive into it. Show it from all angles. The more subjects you add, the more stuff is left out or only flirted with. Shyamalan was WAY too ambitious with this film, and that disappointed me considering his genius as a writer and director.

Sure, there were moments when I jumped and had to check my shorts, but there were too many things going on and it was all limited to Mel's family on his little house on the prairie. I don't need Will Smith blasting the snot outta aliens, kids riding bikes across the moon or ugly aliens spewing acid, but if you're gonna discuss Crop Circles and their possibility of coming from aliens, hit it from all angles and all reactions. And PLEASE leave the overly-long religious discussions for the SEQUEL.

And lastly, if you're a filmmaker who is known for endings with a twist, and critics are claiming there IS a twist in your latest film…….PROVIDE IT!!!!!

(or at least end the movie with Chubby Checker's "The Twist"!)

Hasta la crop circle.

Seeeeeee Plus.

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