"RESIDENT EVIL"

I'm not into video games.

But a few years ago, a friend told me of a game that I would enjoy because it was packed w/ monsters and zombies you got to shoot at.

My kind of game.

And though I never played it, I did see it, and when I was informed that zombie-master film maker, George Romero (Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Garbage disposal of the Dead) was involved, I instantly became excited. My primary thought was that this game would make for an awesome horror film.

Well, guess what……..

Introducing the film version of the game. However, there was one catch…..Romero was not involved in the film other than having his script rejected. Instead, they chose to have (John Doe) Anderson direct it (yes, I could look up his first name online, but frankly, I don't care to). And in the end, that proved to be a problem for me with the film.

Here we go………

So, there's this very important, high profile, high tech company, "Umbrella Corporation", which specializes in top secret experiments, one of which is 'viral'.

Well, apparently one of the employees is miffed at the corporation and decides to cause an accident by letting one of the viral agents out into the company…airborne. The result is everyone becoming infected and dropping dead instantly.

Therefore, enter the company's SWAT team who's job is to break in and contain the virus. Our team consists of various grunts and a few higher-up employees, including model/actress/unattractive Milo Jevovavevovich (I never remember her last name and don't care. She was the "5th Element"….'nuff said).

So, there's your story….here's what happens.

If you've ever seen a few of Romero's films such as "Dawn of the Dead" and "Day of the Dad", then you've seen this movie because it 'borrows' from them massively (rips them off). But let's assume you haven't.

As our heroes are making their way through the company's secret underground settings, they are greeted by the unhappy, now-dead former employees. And though these employees are technically deceased, their zombie-ness causes them to feel the "need to feed", so they take their appetites out on our heroes, which changes our heroes priorities from containing the company….to getting the hell OUT alive.

Now, I LOVE zombies. The undead scares me. And on the surface, it appeared to have the ingrediants for making an awesome zombie movie for the 2000's…..we're talkin' narly looking dead dudes with faces half rotted, limbs dropping off, blood dripping from every orpheus as they chew into our helpless heroes. It also requires that our heroes get a few good shots at the dead, thus splattering their awkward body parts everywhere.

Well, there WAS some zombie feasting, and there WERE some shots taken at them, BUT…..most of it was edited OUT.

Yes, I was pissed.

Instead, the only 'excitement' we were left with were those lovely 'Boo' scenes which seem to be the annoying trademark of director, Anderson.

(a reminder…..a 'Boo' scene is where something jumps out at you, such as a cat or a door slamming, and its sole purpose is to make you JUMP. In my opinion, Boo scenes are included in films in order to make up for LACK of genuine story suspense).

I can't tell you how many times something pointless 'jumped' out at the audience, because I lost count. Point is, it annoyed the hell out of me…again.

Therefore, if you're a fan of the video game, then by all means go see the movie because you may enjoy the familiarity of it. But if you're looking to be genuinly scared and see some raunchy, good 'ol fashioned zombie action…rent Romero's "Dawn of the Dead".

My grade: C

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